


Running in Circles

by Franks1234



Series: Falling in Love and Other Shenanigans [1]
Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Anxiety Attacks, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Multi, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Pining, Slow Burn, Smut, Spoilers, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:34:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 64,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24891682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Franks1234/pseuds/Franks1234
Summary: The infected are annoyingly attracted to an omega's scent - whether they are in heat or not. This poses a great inconvenience to you as your pills decided not to fucking work and now you’re having your first heat in seven years and managed to get yourself attacked by an alpha right off the bat. Luckily, two girls manage to find you before anything terribly bad could go down… Unluckily for you, one of ‘em had the fucking horrible idea to drag you back to someplace called ‘Jackson’.There you meet a rather gruff and introverted Joel.
Relationships: Dina & Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Jesse (The Last of Us), Ellie & Jesse (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us), Ellie & Tommy (The Last of Us), Joel & Tommy (The Last of Us), Joel (The Last of Us)/Reader, Joel/Reader, Maria/Tommy (The Last of Us)
Series: Falling in Love and Other Shenanigans [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1897432
Comments: 55
Kudos: 506





	1. Patrol

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Just letting you know that this will take place throughout the same time as the Last of Us Part II game and will include some spoilers... though the majority of the plot will be altered and some major scenes and events will be completely changed. There will be some scenes used from the game though so I'm just warning you to read at your own risk!  
> \- Franks 
> 
> Please remember that majority of these characters belong to the creative mind of Neil Druckman and the Naughty Dog company!

Ellie and Dina rode in a peaceful silence as they made their way to the next checkpoint on their patrol around Jackson. Winter was starting to noticeably creep in; last night being the first snowfall of the year. So far they had only came across a small pack of runners and nipped them off rather quickly before heading on their way.

Ellie eyed Dina to her left, taking in her small smile, curved nose, and gorgeous chocolate eyes that glistered in the cold winter light. The alpha’s hand itched to reach for her journal and sketch the beautiful beta next to her, but Ellie resisted. They were on patrol goddammit! Keep your fucking thoughts in check Ellie!!

Still, the young alpha yearned for Dina’s attention and affection – too bad she was getting it on with Jesse. It wasn’t like Ellie didn’t like the other alpha – no that wasn’t it. She quite valued their friendship and the playful banter that came with the man. Ellie just wanted Dina; except she wasn’t too sure how to get there. She loved Dina and cherished the bond they had and she didn’t want to fuck it up just cause of some fluffy feelings that the beta likely didn’t even return.

“Ellie…” Dina’s voice cut through Ellie’s thoughts, snapping the alpha to attention. Ellie’s brows furrowed at the cautious tone in the beta’s voice and flicked her eyes to where she was looking.

Just beyond the trees was a small building – the location of their next checkpoint. It was a one-story, brick building that was perched upon the incline of a hill – overlooking Jackson. Except there were four dead clickers outside the front of the building and they certainly didn’t look like they’d been there for long.

Ellie glanced back to Dina who seemed to be having the same idea. Without a word, both girls dismounted their horses and tethered them to a nearby tree before quietly making their way towards their checkpoint.

The door was slightly ajar and Ellie swung it open the rest of the way before stepping in and-

“Fuck!” Ellie grunted as her body slammed into the ground as a fucking runner snapped its jaws awfully close to the alpha’s jugular.

A snarl rang through the room before Dina ripped the infected sack of shit off of Ellie and slit its throat. The gurgling chocking of the infected filtered through the room as Ellie panted – adrenaline running high in her body. It was then that she smelt a rather cloying scent that was obscured by a sour and rotten smell – so strong Ellie could taste it. _Fear_.

The alpha flicked her eyes to the beta who had obviously smelt the same (but to a lesser extent of course) before extending her hand to help her partner off the ground. 

It was honestly a fucking miracle whoever was in the other room hadn’t heard the scuffle outside but upon drawing closer Ellie could smell that sweet tang even more so – her alpha stirred and clawed at her consciousness, making Ellie frown as she tried to rein her instincts back. Ellie and Dina shared a look before shouldering the makeshift barricade down through the door.

Bursting into the brightly lit room Ellie’s hand immediately flew up to cover her nose as she heavily breathed through her mouth. Fuck that scent was strong! Was some alpha in rut?

The scene the girls came crashing into was rather unpleasant. A man – who was obviously an alpha - was towering atop a woman, holding her wrists above her head as he settled between her thighs. The woman was lying deathly still – if it wasn’t for the heavy rising of her chest than Ellie might’ve thought she was dead. Regardless, it was obvious what was about to happen here and Ellie was about to step in before a bullet whizzed past her – missing her but nipping Dina in the shoulder, who cried out in pain.

An olive-skinned woman was standing in front of a doorway holding a rifle. Ellie whipped out her pistol from her holster and shot the woman twice in the chest before she could even reload her fucking gun. Ellie scoffed before remembering the situation before and went to step in to help – but not before looking back at Dina just to check she was okay. As nearing the pair on the ground the woman underneath the man suddenly latched her legs around his waist before flexing and bringing him crashing down on top of her, causing him to loosen his grip on her wrists. The lady took a hold of this chance to wrap her fingers around his neck before bodily flipping them both over.

A low growl tore through the woman’s throat as she strangled the man who floundered before wrapping his hand around a bottleneck and bringing it smashing down on her head – it was then that Dina ran in pulling the woman back by the scruff before shooting the son of a bitch in the face. Ellie smirked – atta girl, Dina!

The woman fell back on her side, gasping and sweating all over. Ellie went to approach her but was stopped as the female’s eyes snapped to the alpha and snarled – baring her teeth. Though the bitch let fucking Dina approach her without so much as a glance in her direction. Mildly offended, Ellie watched as Dina reached out towards the woman who was leaking fucking pheromones all over the damn place – eliciting a warning growl from said female – before gently pulling her over to lie on her back. From this angle, it was obvious she had been shot. Her left shoulder was bleeding profusely as she shivered. Dina’s eyes flicked up to Ellie – silently beckoning her over.

Ellie cautiously approached the two, the growling increased as she neared and her scent of fear was so overwhelming that Ellie’s alpha started producing their own calming pheromones to hopefully help ease the hurt female. Unfortunately, it only seemed to anger the woman as she snapped her jaws in Ellie’s direction. Ellie frowned, wondering what this chick’s fucking problem was before an idea popped into her mind.

Slowly, Ellie tilted her head very slightly to the right – lightly showing her jugular. Although Ellie absolutely fucking hated submitting, she wasn’t a fan of Dina being so close to the high-strung woman. The alpha’s brows furrowed as she realised she had no clue what this person’s second gender was. She definitely wasn’t a beta – her scent was too strong for that. But Ellie’s alpha told her this woman definitely wasn’t an alpha either… Weird.

“Ellie what the fuck did you do to her!?” Dina whispered yelled, Ellie shook herself out of her musing and looked at the woman that now lay completely slack against the floor, her breathing harsh but quiet and her eyes staring at Ellie’s slither of exposed neck as if it were a trick of the light.

“I don’t fucking know!” Ellie whispered back just as harshly once she realised Dina was accusing her something, “I just thought that it would show I’m not a threat…”

“Well, I guess that worked” Dina retorted looking way too amused at the current situation.

“Oh shut up,” Ellie muttered – causing the beta to snicker – as she made the rest of the way to the pair.

The woman still eyed Ellie rather cautiously but was no longer looking as if she would bite her the moment she got close enough – _good_ , Ellie thought.

Annoyingly, now that the scent of fear had resided that fucking cloying scent came back double fold. Ellie’s wolf scratched at her mind’s edge, urging her to protect and supply for the limp body in front of her.

“Do you know what she is?” Ellie questioned, lifting her eyes to meet Dina’s. The body between the two stiffened slightly at the question.

Dina, obviously catching the movement, lifted her eyebrow in questioning as she replied, “I’m not too sure, but since your sense of smell is better than mine I would’ve thought you’d have figured it out…” Dina’s voice trailed off as she looked back down to the woman.

Ellie looked down at her too. Her face was flushed, her breathing heavy and her (s/c) skin was covered in a sheen of sweat. The alpha’s brows knitted together before flicking her eyes down to the woman’s pants – _hey! It’s not like I want to! I’m just checking out a fucking theory_ \- and yup! There was a damp patch in her jeans.

“No fucking way…” Ellie breathed out, eyes wide.

“What?” Dina asked, looking slightly worried when Ellie didn’t reply immediately. “Ellie, wha-”

“She’s a fucking omega Dina! And I’m pretty damn sure she’s in heat!” Ellie exclaimed.

“What!?” Dina wore a look of shock and if Ellie were any less shocked herself, she would’ve found the beta’s face hilarious. “I thought they were all extinct! The infected are attracted to them like fucking flies!”

“I know!... I know, but I can’t think of any other explanation” Dina looked at Ellie expectantly for an explanation _for_ the fucking explanation. Ugh! “My alpha keeps urging me to protect and provide for her and shit…” Ellie muttered begrudgingly.

Dina’s brow rose slightly, showing her surprise but also her doubt.

“Aren’t alpha s’pose to – I don’t know – go fucking crazy horny when omega’s go into heat?!”

Ellie couldn’t suppress her snort as she retorted, “probs why that son of a bitch didn’t pay us any attention when we barged in here” Dina giggled before shaking her head and once again looking at Ellie for answers. Ellie sighed, “Joel told me that not every alpha will get the urge to… well force themselves onto an omega in heat but rather protect and stuff…” Ellie groaned, frustrated at how fucking awkward she was making this. Sighing once again, the alpha continued, “apparently those alpha’s are usually family or close friends that don’t feel any attraction to the omega… but I don’t know why I’m feeling like that, usually alpha’s who don’t know an omega would just fucking mount them” Ellie pulled a face, disgusted at the lack of control alpha’s supposedly had and fucking relieved she didn’t need Dina to hold her back or some shit.

Glancing over in the beta’s direction, Dina wore a contemplative expression as she gazed down at the panting omega.

“Maybe you’re related?” Dina asked hopefully.

Ellie scoffed, “highly fucking doubt it”

Dina sighed before turning back to the omega and poking her in the temple. “Hey, can you talk?”

The omega whimpered and made some rather fucking unpleasant sound before croaking out, “dry”.

Like a fucking switch, Ellie’s alpha had overpowered her and next minute she found herself pressing the lip of her water bottle to the omega’s mouth, who drank it greedily.

Blushing, Ellie capped the bottle and stashed it away once the omega was done before scowling at an awfully amused Dina.

The omega pushed herself up on her elbows before pushing the rest of her torso up off the ground and tucking her legs underneath her so she was kneeling.

“Thanks,” she said curtly, looking highly uncomfortable.

Ellie snorted at the omega who shot her a glare.

Dina sighed at the two, “What’s your name?”

The omega looked at the beta amusedly before replying with a hint of suspicion lacing her voice, “what’s it to ya?”

“Wow, we just fucking saved you and unless you want us to call you ‘omega’” – said omega growled at the mention of it, causing Ellie’s lips to quirk up – “I suggest you give us something else to call you by”

The omega just glowered at Ellie before dropping her shoulders and sighing, “(y/n)”

“Right, (y/n)” Dina clapped her hands together looking overly cheerful – earning a look from both Ellie and the omega. “Let’s get you back to Jackson!”

…

“What!?”

* * *

You looked at the beta girl like she had grown a second head – she might’ve well had if she expected you to fucking go to the base of some strangers.

Despite your anger and suspicion you decided lashing out probably wasn’t a great idea – the alpha hadn’t decided to even touch you yet and appeared to not be overly affected by your pheromones. It was probably best to stay that way; especially since she seemed to be rather fond of the beta.

“I don’t even know your names yet nor who you people fucking are so like shit I’m following you back to your fucking ‘Jackson’” Well shit… that came out a little harsher than expected. You flicked your eyes back to the alpha who looked surprised but amused by your answer.

“I’m Dina and this is Ellie,” the beta responded cheerfully. She was way too cheerful for this situation. “Also Jackson is our town and I think it’s probably the best place to be due to your… current predicament” Ellie let out a snort at Dina’s rather polite response. Well, it was obvious the beta wasn’t always so airheaded. That was a good thing at least.

“Look I’m perfectly fine. The first wave is over and I just gotta find a safe place to wait out the rest of it”

“Wave?” Dina asked with a tilt of her head, Ellie silently looked at you for an answer too.

You sighed, “omega’s heats come in waves that gradually get more intense as they continue. The periods in between are when the omega is most lucid and leaks fewer pheromones”

“Your pheromones are fucking strong either way, you’ll just attract all the bloody infected” Ellie argued. Well, she had a decent point at least, it had been seven years since your last heat and this one was a lot stronger… You carefully considered your options. This heat would just get worst, but with your new injuries you’re likely to go into a heat daze and that could potentially leave you in more danger in the long run. These two on the other hand… Well, they seemed genuine enough and you could always make a break for it if they started acting sketchy. You sighed, knowing your best option was to go with the beta and alpha.

“Fucking fine. How far away is Jackson?”

“About a 20-minute ride on the horses” Dina smiled. _Horses?_

“You got everything you need?” Ellie asked impatiently, you huffed before pointing to your bag in the corner of the room. “I’ll get the bag, you sign us in Dina”

“Okay!” Dina wandered off into another section of the house and Ellie got up to retrieve your backpack.

“Holy fuck, what do you have in here!?” You shrugged. You brought along a lot of useless shit with you but it kept you occupied when you weren’t trying to kill everyone and everything around you.

Dina remerged from wherever she went and beckoned you to follow her and Ellie outside. You slung your bag across your back before following the two outside where two horses were saddled and tethered to a tree.

The two girls went to go mount their own horses before you spoke up, “I want to ride by myself” you stated.

Ellie whipped around, “like fuck you are! How do we know you won’t just take off?”

“How do I know you’re not gonna lure me to your base and then rape me!?” you replied heatedly. Ellie pursed her lips before looking at Dine.

“I mean, she kinda has a point” Ellie sighed before handing the reins to a gorgeous chestnut horse to you.

“You hurt Shimmer and it’ll be the end of you” Ellie threatened darkly before joining Dina on her horse.

You threw the reins over the horse's head before mounting. God, you haven’t ridden a horse since before the apocalypse. You smiled to yourself as memories of a time of peaceful rides across stretches of untouched land flooded your mind.

“Hurry up!” Ellie called out, you clicked your tongue and urged Shimmer forward with a squeeze of your legs.

“You’ve ridden before?” Dina remarked.

“I used to ride a lot before” You shrugged, thankfully Dina took the hint to not press the subject any further as the three of you rode towards Jackson. Your heat itching at the back of your mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aye! So this is set approx a month before all the shit that goes down in the Last of Us Part II. Also will update every Thursday, but may update in between so keep tuned!


	2. Compatible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... didn't think I'd be updating this so soon but I don't have writer's block for once... so uh yay?

“Here,” Ellie said as she twisted in the saddle to throw a rag your way. You caught it easily enough with your right hand – your left arm hanging limply to your side as it continued to bleed, making you feel lightheaded.

“Put pressure on your shoulder, we’ll tend to the wound once we reach Jackson” The alpha gestured to your shoulder with her chin. You merely nodded before doing as told - dying of blood loss certainly didn’t sound appealing at the moment.

The three of you walked slowly back to Jackson so the jostling of the horse wouldn’t aggravate your shoulder too much. As you neared, the minutes started to bleed together as the second wave of your heat and the blood loss started to catch up to you. Your head felt like it was stuffed with cotton and you could no longer find the strength to press the bloodied rag to your shoulder. With limbs that felt like lead, you decided now was a good time to probably ask how far away you all were.

“Oi!” you cut into Ellie and Dina’s playful banter – _more like flirting,_ you thought. “How far away are we?”

Dina hummed in thought before replying, “about a minute or so.”

You rolled your eyes, well _that_ was fucking helpful now wasn’t it?

“Hey (y/n), how have you survived so far with being an omega and everything?” You snorted as Dina tried to hide her curiosity behind her polite words. Meanwhile, Ellie just smacked her shoulder.   
“Don’t ask people shit like that!” Ellie said, looking rather appalled by Dina’s line of questioning.

You just shook your head at the two, “it’s fine” you replied, earning intrigued looks from both girls. Snickering, you continued, “I use herbs and shit to help hide my scent and usually have really good control over my pheromones. I also constantly take heat suppressants”

“Fuck, is that why you’re bag’s so damn heavy?” Ellie questioned.

“Nah, I just keep a bunch of random shit in there,”

“Okay, I have two questions!” Dina exclaimed looking rather excited that the omega was answering her questions at all.

“Shoot”

“First, what do you keep in your bag?” Dina paused- seemingly for dramatic effect, “Secondly, aren’t heat suppressants hard to come by?”

“Due to there being like, no omegas left you can come across them quite a lot, but rut blockers also have a similar affect to heat suppressants. Also I keep a fuck ton of art equipment in my bag, that’s why it’s so heavy” Dina looked amused by your answer and Ellie just looked flat out exasperated.

You sighed to yourself - suddenly tired after the small interaction, damn you really wanted to sleep. Your neck started to itch and your stomach churned, as you started sweating. _Fuck heats and fuck omegas,_ you thought bitterly. Your wound was definitely bleeding again as you stopped putting pressure on it some time ago now; and it was like you could _feel_ the colour draining from your face.

“We’re here!” Dina exclaimed. Relief flooded your body and you flicked your eyes up and- Holy shit! This place was not only fucking huge but it was practically a city! They had electricity and everything!

Unfortunately, your awe was short-lived as your heat decided to hit you full force, causing your vision to blackout for a moment. You felt yourself slipping before your body hit the solid ground- white pain shooting up your shoulder.

“(y/n)!”

* * *

Dina watched as you slipped out of the saddle and hit the ground – eyes wide. She quickly wrestled herself off her horse, managing to knock Ellie off in the process.

“Hey!” Ellie yelped as her back hit the ground.

“You’re a big girl, suck it up!” Dina nipped back as she quickly made her way to the collapsed omega. _Fuckitty, fuckitty, fuck!_ You were bleeding all over the damn place and Dina could already smell your scent starting to spike.

“Is she okay?” Ellie questioned as she jogged the short distance over.

“Yeah, but her heat’s hittin’ and she’s lost a lotta blood. Get Tommy over here and make sure not to make a fuss – we don’t know how the other alphas will react.” Ellie nodded curtly and took off.

It didn’t take long for Dina to see Tommy and Ellie jogging back over. You had yet to completely wake up – trapped in a state of half-consciousness.

“Well I’ll be damned,” Tommy looked down at the omega who was maneuvered to lean heavily against Dina. “It really is an omega.”

“Yeah, we established that. Now can we hurry up?!” Ellie snapped at the male beta who raised his hands up in a placating manner.

“Yes ma’am” he replied cheekily with a little salute before squatting down to inspect the omega who merely growled at the stranger.

“It’s okay he’s with us,” Dina supplied running her fingers through your hair – causing you to relax a little.

Ellie felt a pang of jealousy at the omega and Dina but shoved it down – _Stop being a selfish bitch goddammit!_

“Imma just pull your sleeve down-” the omega snarled, but Tommy continued to slowly reach out – “just to see how bad your wound is ok?” As his fingers brushed the fabric of your shirt’s collar you turned around and went to bite his fingers.

Tommy wretched his hand back, before sighing. “It’s either pull down the sleeve or take off your shirt. Your choice”

The omega glowered at him before letting out a huff and forcibly relaxing her shoulders, but made sure her eyes were following the beta’s every movement.

Tommy smiled reassuringly, before once again slowly extending his hand and gently bringing the sleeve down your shoulder. The beta’s brows furrowed as he inspected the wound. It appeared that you had been shot twice – one bullet had gone straight through whilst the other was likely still embedded in your skin.

The beta male hummed in thought before opening his mouth, “we’ll need to get that bullet out and stitch your wound up quickly. You aware that ya may go into a heat daze yea?”

You nodded numbly, your vision clouded. Before you were picked up by someone and everything went black.

Tommy sighed as he carried the injured omega back into Jackson – taking a back route as to not garner any unwanted attention. It was probably a bad idea to go to the infirmary – a few of the doctors were alphas and he didn’t want to risk that. The beta sighed before he heard one of the girls behind him lightly clear their throat.

“So, uh what’s a heat daze?” Dina queried, looking worried. Tommy’s gaze flickered to Ellie to see the alpha looked rather concerned as well.

“It’s nothing to worry about. It’s when an omega’s body basically goes into a ‘survival mode’ if they are heavily injured during a heat. They’re basically stuck during one of the ‘down’ periods of their heat waves and will stay there till their omega feels safe enough to continue their heat cycle – with or without an alpha.” Tommy gave the girls a few moments to process this, “I’m surprised you haven’t reacted at all Ellie” the beta probed.

Dina snorted whilst Ellie’s cheeks dusted pink.

“Well, I haven’t felt… um horny or anything just this urge to protect and provide” Ellie looked away before muttering, “Joel told me that can happen with close family and friends…”

“That’s a little odd” Tommy commented as he walked up the front door steps before twisting the knob and swinging the door open.

“Tommy? Is that you?” a voice called from within the house.

“Yeah, it’s me, mind giving me a hand here Maria?” Tommy asked as he tried to find a place to deposit the omega.

“Wait, is it okay for Maria to be around her?” Ellie whispered.

“Yeah, we’re bonded after all – her pheromones won’t have any effect on Maria”

“Oh, ok”

“Tommy wha-” Maria came out from the kitchen doorway before stopping dead in her tracks staring wide eyed at the omega. “Hun, is that a-”

“An omega? Yea”

Maria sighed before making her way towards the small crowd in the entryway. “Put her on the kitchen table – I’ll go get Joel” Tommy nodded before doing just that.

“Wait! Joel’s an alpha isn’t he? He’s also not bonded!” Dina cried, grabbing Maria’s wrist – who looked rather unimpressed.

“Yes he’s an alpha but he has very good control over himself and is most experienced with omegas since Sarah wa-”

“Maria” Tommy cut her off. Maria merely shot him a sheepish look before heading on her way.

* * *

Joel sat at his workbench carving away at the block of wood in front of him, music playing softly in the background.

The alpha’s calloused hands skilfully wielded the knife to give it a more basic shape to what he had in mind. Wood scraps lay scattered across the table’s surface as he sliced away.

Of course, it was then that the sound of banging filtered through his ears – rudely interrupting his peaceful atmosphere.

Joel sighed, putting down his knife and scraping the wood scraps into the makeshift bin at the end of the bench. The alpha made his way down the stairs of his home only to hear the knocking increase – irritating Joel to no end.

“Yeah, yeah I heard ya. Calm down will ya?’ Joel said irritably as he opened the door to reveal a rather ruffled looking Maria. “What?” he questioned.

The other alpha raised her brow before scoffing, “gotta work on those manners Miller”

Joel merely shrugged, “So? What d’ya want?”

“Ellie and Dina came across an omega during their patrol”, Joel looked rather surprised at this comment but not overly so.

“And?” He probed.

“ _And_ she’s in heat and has been injured – you have the most experience and knowledge of omegas and-”

“Wait, wait, wait. Hold up now,” Joel raised his hand to silence Maria who looked unamused – as per usual, “you want me to- what? Handle it?”

Maria looked rather taken aback by this response – though Joel wasn’t exactly sure _why._

“No! We just wanted you to check her out and tell us the best course of action” Maria responded incredulously.

Joel just rolled his eyes before stepping out of the front door and closing it behind him. From there the two made their way back to Tommy and the others – Joel grumbling the entire way.

* * *

You cracked your eye open – holy fuck you felt like shit. Your shoulder was throbbing and your head felt heavy. You wanted nothing more than to close your eyes once again and drift off to sleep, but unfortunately, life had other plans – as per fucking usual.

“She’s awake!” you heard a voice yell out. The face of Dina then popped into your field of vision. “Hey, how ya feeling?”

You just chuckled humorously before hoarsely replying, “I feel like shit”, you could hear Ellie snort at your answer.

“Not to worry,” an unfamiliar voice called out – causing you to stiffen, “We’ve patched up your shoulder and you’ll just need ta ride out your second wave before you’ll likely go into a heat daze.”

You let out a low growl as you shifted to sit upright.

“Careful!” Dina’s hands found your shoulders and gently aided you in sitting upright.

“The name’s Tommy,” the beta male extended his hand to you which you took and gave it a shake before letting go and continue to stare at the man in deadly silence.

Ellie cleared her throat, “When will Joel be here?”

“Right now” another female voice called out from the doorway. The scent of alpha registered through your nose causing you to go ramrod straight and prepared to take flight at a moment's notice. “You’re fine hun, I’m mated” the little fact caused you to relax slightly and you looked back to Dina who gave you a shrug of her shoulders.

“Is this her?” a baritone voice rang throughout the room. It was then that you smelt the man and – holy fucking shit! _WHY!?_

It was obvious the alpha had come to the same conclusion as you, as he froze on the spot, eyes keenly trained on you. You, on the other hand, were regretting your life choices.

Tommy snorted at the scene. “Well, that explains why Ellie had no reaction”

“What?” said alpha inquired.

“Cause they’re compatible”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so they meet! Also just saying that Ellie and Joel's relationship may be a little strained coz of... rEaSoNz


	3. Planning

You squeezed your eyes shut, unable to deal with your fucking horrible luck. _Dammit!_

The alpha’s musky scent infiltrated your senses and only caused your second wave to hit harder and faster.

Slick started to heavily leak from your entrance and coat your thighs. It was at that moment that practically everyone in the room froze – all eyes trained on you. Ugh!

You groaned in frustration as you flopped back onto the dining table, your shoulder aching in protest. A sheen of sweat broke out across your skin and you tried to keep your mind in check, but you were scared. You didn’t know these people – what they’d do… You shook your head trying to get rid of the irrational thoughts. Breathing in deeply, you tried to compose yourself – only to utterly fail as you inhaled that sinfully tantalising scent of copper and leather.

Something – or someone – touched you and you jerked back only to fall off whatever you were lying on. You breathed deeply as you tried to focus your glassy eyes; but it was no use. You pushed yourself up and used your legs to scramble across the floor until your back hit a wall. Voices flooded the room – mouths moving, sound escaping them but no sense was made to you. You could hear footsteps approaching and you growled deeply. Your heart was going haywire and your body was tense as you tried to wriggle further into the corner you somehow managed to find yourself in.

It wasn’t until a wrist was practically shoved into your face – emitting the heady smell of alpha – that your omega calmed down enough to let your eyes focus onto a man crouched in front of you.

His nutmeg eyes carefully watched as you leaned forward – nuzzling the wrist. You kept your eyes trained on the alpha as you turned your head slightly and harshly sunk your teeth into his skin. Tensing, you awaited a reaction but only received a wince before a deep chuckle.

“You gonna go round testing every alpha’s restraints?” His baritone voice was coloured with amusement as he slowly moved towards you and picked you up.

* * *

Dina watched you carefully as you squeezed your eyes shut. It wasn’t long after that, that your sweet smell seemed to double ten-fold and every person in the room froze. Dina’s brows furrowed. She didn’t know much about anything when it came to omegas but you looked rather distressed – your scent also starting to tinge bitter. The beta reached her hand out to grasp your shoulder only for you to wretch yourself away with a frightful gasp the moment her fingers brushed your skin.

“Watch out!” Ellie shouted and went to reach out to catch you as you toppled over and off the table. The alpha female went to approach you only for you to shoot up and clamber your way across the wooden flooring until a wall stopped you from moving any further.

The omega’s scent developed a bitter undertone, highlighting the fear etched into her face.

“What’s wrong with her?” Dina asked as she worried her bottom lip; looking towards Joel.

“How far into her heat is she?” Joel turned to Tommy expectantly.

“Apparently she told the girls this would be her second wave,” Tommy shrugged.

“What!?” Joel snapped back.

“What’s wrong with her…?” Ellie didn’t look at Joel, not wanting to – but her alpha was going crazy within her to help the frightened omega.

“It’s unnatural for her second wave to be so strong…” Joel murmured. He made his way to you, earning a low warning growl as you tried to wriggle further into the corner. The alpha watched the omega carefully as he very silently made his way over before extending his wrist to the omega and letting off some calming pheromones.

Your shoulders relaxed slightly and you leaned forward slightly to further scent him. You (e/c) eyes found Joel’s and before he knew it you had ripped into the skin of his wrist. Joel hissed but fought off the urge to retract his arm. He watched as every muscle in your body coiled tightly – ready to flee at any moment. The brunette alpha realised then that this was a test to see how safe she was, earning a chuckle from the man.

“You gonna go ‘round testing every alpha’s restraints?”

He watched as you relaxed again before reaching out and scooping you up. Joel turned around only to be met with the horribly amused face of Tommy.

“Don’t say a word,” Joel growled as he glared at the beta, if he hadn’t had the omega in his arms he would’ve shoved Tommy’s face away too. The beta just laughed before clapping Joel on the back.

“Good for you Joel, can finally get some action eh?” the comment made Joel grimace.

“I ain’t doing jack shit,” Joel curtly replied, “once she’s finished this wave, she’ll go into a heat daze and you can find her, her own fucking house to ride the rest of it out”

“Oh? So you’ll help her out with this wave?” Tommy gave Joel a cheeky look before dodging out of the way as the alpha attempted to smack him whilst balancing you against his chest.

“Stop acting like children you two!” Maria exclaimed exasperatedly.

Tommy gave Maria a guilty look whilst Joel just continued to glower at his brother; Ellie and Dina standing to the side quietly.

Maria sighed, “So? What’s the plan?”

“We’ll move her to my place – since we’re… compatible, I’ll give her some of my clothes and she can stay in the garage until she’s done,” Joel replied stoically. Everyone else in the room just looked gobsmacked.

“What!?” Ellie exclaimed – finally looking Joel in the eye, “you can’t just throw her into your garage like she’s some damn animal!”

“Well, I ain’t gonna touch her!” Joel countered, irritated.

“Your fucking touching her now!” Ellie cried, gesturing wildly to the omega in Joel’s arms.

“You know what I mean Ellie,” The alpha male’s voice took on a somber tone as he looked around the room.

“Will she need to be - uh touched?” Dina asked quietly as she took a step towards the group.

“Depends,” Tommy said before Joel could reply, “it’s unlikely - due to her injuries, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be intense… besides, she’ll need to be monitored cause of her shoulder”

“She’s not a kid,” Joel weakly refuted.

“She’s not but she might as well be,” Maria stated, “why don’t we migrate to Joel’s place and we can figure out something else there. This seems to be a more ‘play-by-ear’ situation”.

There were murmurs and nods of agree echoed across the room before Maria spun on her heel and walked out of the door – leading the way to Joel’s home.

* * *

Joel deposited your sleeping form onto a couch in the lounge room, before huffing and joining the others in the dining room opposite you.

The room was quiet… awkwardly so; causing Joel to let loose a heavy sigh.

“What did you mean that (y/n)’s pheromones don’t affect me cause her and… Joel are compatible?” Ellie inquired – breaking the silence, but making it no less tense.

“Cause you and Joel are… uh close; your alpha doesn’t see her as a potential mate…” Tommy trailed off awkwardly, shooting fleeting glances towards Joel, who just rolled his eyes but remained quiet. Ellie decided not to comment on it further.

The rooms tense atmosphere was practically suffocating, but no one decided to attempt to break it… Until Maria had enough of everyone’s dawdling.

“Since I’m pretty sure that we all agree to take (y/n) under our wing…” Maria waited for any protests, and when receiving none she continued, “We’re going to have to make some arrangements.”

The room regarded Maria expectantly as she switched to her ‘business mode’.

“Firstly, she’ll need a place to stay. We’ll also need to think of a position we can assign her tha-”

“You can’t send her back out there,” Dina interrupted, “she’ll just grab the attention of every fucking infected in the vicinity… plus you said she’ll be in a heat daze for who-knows how long!”

“She’s survived this far,” Maria countered. “Besides, it will be her choice whether or not to leave, but she certainly won’t be doing any patrol work if she’s in a heat daze. But she will need to pull her weight and being in a heat daze will also give us an idea of how the other alphas will react when her scent is stronger.”

“That’s suicide,” Joel stated, “and if she does get jumped we don’t know how she’ll react in that state; and, if it goes badly, the people may not want her here.”

“We also don’t know whether she’ll kill all of us the moment she’s stable enough to,” Maria snapped.

“She’s gotta point Joel,” Tommy commented, “but if we are to test this out she’ll need to be watched” the beta indicated.

“Why don’t we take turns?” Ellie cut in, causing everyone to look her way. “She can do odd jobs that will be near us or with us. That should also make her feel safer,” she pointed out.

“That’s a pretty good idea kid,” Ellie glowered at Joel, “but we should all start to think of how to deal with this heat wave”

“Well…” Dina started, “we could do something similar to what Ellie suggested…”

Joel raised his eyebrow, Ellie looked confused, Tommy just smiled amusedly and Maria looked unimpressed.

“You said she’s unlikely to need to be touched… so we can all help provide and take care of her. That’ll help her trust us and also let us keep an eye on her.”

Now it was Joel’s turn to be unimpressed, Ellie’s to be exasperated, Tommy’s to look confused; whilst Maria looked pleasantly surprised.

“Well, that settles it,” Maria clapped her hands together. “Looks like we have a plan!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just sAyiNG I don't completely remember what Joel's house looks like... also like this chapter is a little short soRrY


	4. Coffee and Art

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and lovely comments guys! Glad to hear you're liking this shit so far lol. There'll be more coming out soon ;)

“Thanks!” Ellie called out as she exited the mess hall carrying two plates of food.

Making her way back to Joel’s; Ellie mused over the events of the day. Never would she have imagined that she would run into an omega during her morning patrol – but life has a funny way of keeping things ‘exciting’.

The omega seemed nice enough and somehow she was completely different from what Ellie would’ve expected.

All the rumours Ellie had ever heard of omegas, orbited around the general idea that they were weak and only good at playing house… but then again, Joel had revealed to Ellie a new side of omegas. Joel’s daughter, Sarah, was an omega. When Ellie had first heard of that, she had thought that Joel had lost her to the infected… but apparently not. According to Joel, omegas could be as strong as an alpha and as level minded as a beta – it’s just harder to accomplish and takes a lot of control.

Although Joel was hesitant when talking about Sarah, he had told Ellie about the injustice omegas faced throughout society and the law. Ellie never fully understood it, it was a different world back then – but she understood well enough that being an omega was fucking _hard._

Ellie sighed as her thoughts drifted towards the fact that you and Joel were compatible. What were you two going to do? Ellie wasn’t too sure what being ‘compatible’ entailed but Tommy had mentioned something about mates when she had further questioned him about it. Maybe Joel would finally stop worrying over Ellie now that the omega had shown up… Ellie chuckled dryly – _highly fucking doubt it._

Opening the door to Joel’s garage, Ellie peered in to see you curled up in a ball amongst your nest of Joel’s clothes and some spare sheets Maria gave you.

Joel wouldn’t budge when it came to you staying inside the house – claiming that the smell would be a nuisance. Fucking dumbass thought he was being subtle, but Ellie could tell it was because your scent affected Joel more than he’d let on.

“Hey, it’s me!” Ellie announced herself as she made her way towards you before setting one of the plates with food in front of you.

You slowly sat up before grabbing the plate with a silent ‘thank you’ and began to eat. Annoyingly Joel was right; Ellie felt much better after providing food for the omega and watching her eat, finally calming her alpha down.

Sighing, Ellie started on her own food. It was then that she caught a glimpse of an open book. Reaching out to grab it, Ellie’s wrist was suddenly snatched by a growling omega.

“Uh, sorry…” Ellie trailed off, looking away – mentally berating herself for being nosy.

You sighed before reaching back to grab the book and handed it to Ellie.

“Are you sur-”

“I wouldn’t have given it to you if I wasn’t,” you replied

“Well, you did stop me before…”

“You should know not to take shit from an omega’s nest without permission – you’ll either get yourself killed or injured”

“Thanks for the warning… I guess”

Ellie looked down at the notebook in her hands, her eyes flicking back up to meet yours before opening it. The first page revealed a pencil sketch of a girl – she appeared to be in her early 20’s. She was depicted to have dark skin and baby-doll eyes. Her right ear was covered in piercings and she wore a pair of round glasses.

Dragging her hand down the page Ellie saw a note in the bottom corner that read, ‘Riyana’.

“Was she…?” Ellie inquired softly, lifting her eyes back to you.

“A friend,” you said quietly. Ellie nodded before continuing through the book. She found a coloured picture of two Asian girls who were laughing as they reloaded guns - it looked like it was coloured with water.

The alpha found many more drawings of people – a dark-skinned man and a white male stood in one frame, smiling goofily; and a lanky man was painted petting a scruffy-looking cat in another.   
“Who were they?”

You sighed, looking away from Ellie.

“They… were my pack,” You whispered, barely audible.

 _‘Were’?_ Ellie thought as she watched you. As much as she wanted to push, she decided to leave it be and instead continued through the notebook until she reached the last page where a rough sketch of Ellie’s tattoo stood. Looking at you, Ellie raised her eyebrow before you looked away – your flushed cheeks darkening.

“I – uh, like the design,” you murmured. Ellie chuckled before holding out her right arm. You tilted your head – confused, before catching on and snatching up your notebook and began to continue to sketch.

“Thanks…” You mumbled.

“No problem,” Ellie watched you before lightly clearing her throat, causing you to flick your eyes up to hers. “Umm… That painting with the two Asian girls… what did you use for the colouring?” the alpha asked shyly.

“Watercolour!” You beamed before you and Ellie immersed into a conversation about art and all the different mediums there were.

 _Maybe this won’t be so bad,_ you thought to yourself as you watched Ellie hang onto your every word as you explained how to make paint.

* * *

Ellie closed the garage door behind her, finally away from your scent which had started to spike again after you had eaten – causing Ellie to leave you to your business.

“Hey,” Ellie looked towards Dina who was leaning against the wall to her right, “how’s she going?”

“She just spiked… Joel said that this wave should only last 4-5 hours, so she should be in the clear soon”

“That’s good,” Dina pushed herself off the wall and beckoned Ellie to follow her to the lounge.

Ellie flopped onto the couch with a sigh as she sunk into the soft cushioning.

“What’s wrong?” Dina poked Ellie’s cheek, causing her to blush at their proximity.

“I just-” Ellie frowned, “(y/n) told me a bit about her past… She was part of a pack Dina. A rather large one at that”

The beta’s brows furrowed, “Did she get separated from them?”

“I don’t think so…”

“Did they…?”

“Likely,” Ellie agreed with Dina’s suspicion that the pack had died.

“I couldn’t smell anyone else on her apart from that alpha that tried to jump her when we found her…”

“Yeah…”

“That probably means they’ve been gone for quite a while then,” Ellie shot up at the sound of Tommy’s voice.

“God! Don’t eavesdrop like that!” Ellie exclaimed.

Tommy just shrugged, “wasn’t like y’all were try’na be quiet.”

_Fair point._

“How do you know they’ve been gone for a while?”

“Well, they probably would use their scent to help cover hers; and within a pack, they tend to be close-knit so she should reek of the others. The fact that she doesn’t even faintly smell of them, suggests that she’s been separated from them for at least a month.” Tommy answered Dina.

“... I understand the whole omega part but isn’t Jackson a pack as well?” Ellie asked.

“Not necessarily. We’re more of a community. A pack is more like family, kind of like how you and Joel…” Tommy trailed off as Ellie stared daggers at the man, earning a sheepish look in return. Sighing, Ellie got up.

“Come on Dina, we should scout out some jobs (y/n) can take on,”

“Oh! Um… okay then,” Dina frowned as Ellie dragged her away from Tommy. _God!_ Ellie thought, _why can’t they just let me forget!_

Tommy sighed as the front door slammed shut after Dina gave him a quick wave goodbye. Underneath the scent of Ellie, Tommy could pick out a very familiar scent of worry.

Making his way up the stairs, the sound of music made its appearance, along with the scraping of a knife against wood.

Tommy peered into the doorway of Joel’s studio, where he sat - violently hacking away at one of his newer wooden sculptures. The leathery scent of worry filled the room and, for once, Tommy was sure it wasn’t associated with Ellie.

“You know you can go check on her right?”

Tommy sighed when he only received a grunt of acknowledgment from the alpha.

Making his way to Joel, Tommy rested his hand on the alpha’s shoulder – causing him to stop his carving.

“What’s wrong?” Joel asked gruffly, refusing to look at Tommy.

“That’s my line!” Tommy gasped, feigning offense – finally grabbing Joel’s unamused gaze. Chuckling, Tommy continued, “What are you so worried about?”

“Nothing,” Joel grumped as he spun around in his chair to face Tommy.

“Don’t you ‘nothing’ me, old man!”

Groaning, Joel rolled his eyes, “You sound like mum… and I’m not old”

“But you are old and mum would definitely agree with me!”

Tommy laughed before he looked down at Joel with a serious expression. “Now, what’s wrong?”

Joel sighed, leaning back and bracing his forearms on the table behind him.

“I just… don’t know what to do,”

“What? About you guys being compatible?” Joel hesitated before nodding, “Well, have you asked her about it?” Joel just glared at Tommy, pulling a laugh from the beta. “Yes I know, you don’t like _feelings_ but you’re gonna have to suck it up.”

Joel sighed, “You’re no help.”

“Hey now!” Tommy grabbed Joel’s shoulder and started to tug him out of his chair and to the doorway, “I am great help by the way; and you should follow my advice and just talk to her!”

Joel’s hand flung out and grabbed the doorway frame. “No,” he said, looking very much like he wanted to strangle his brother – which was a very tempting idea at the moment.

Tommy’s shoulders sagged in defeat, “Fine!” Joel sighed – relieved, “but you’re going to check on her. You haven’t seen her since you dumped her in the garage and we all agreed to help take care of her” Tommy sassed.

“Fucking-” Joel’s right eye twitched in irritation before he just glowered at Tommy. “Fine,” the alpha grunted before storming off to go check on you.

“Wait!” Tommy called out.

“For fuck’s sake! What now!?” Joel whipped around to face Tommy who was smiling. The sort of smile Joel had come to associate with trouble.

“May not wanna check on her now, Ellie had to leave her not too long ago to do… Well, you know,” Joel flushed beet red at the suggestion – his mind supplying rather graphic images of you sprawled out across your nest made up of Joel’s clothes, moaning his name as he slid into -

Tommy burst out laughing before quickly running past Joel who looked very tempted to put a bullet through the beta.

“Asshole!” Joel shouted, hearing another bark of laughter before the front door shut.

* * *

Joel stood in front of the garage door. After noticing your scent wasn’t so strongly leaking through the door, he presumed you’d finished… your business.

Clearing his throat, Joel knocked on the wood of the door.

“Come in!”

Opening the door, Joel was hit with the powerful scent of your heat. Joel swallowed heavily, trying desperately to calm his alpha down before he stepped through the door.

Awkwardly standing in the doorway, Joel averted his eyes before muttering a small hello. You, on the other hand, were trying very hard not to burst into laughter over the alpha’s uncomfort.

“Imma go ahead and guess that Tommy put you up to this,” you said, amusement coating your voice.

“How’d ya know?”

“Lucky guess,” you shrugged - it really wasn’t though. Dina didn’t seem particularly close with Joel, Ellie avoided the topic of Joel like the plague and Maria didn’t seem to think Joel was a priority right now. So the logical choice was to go with Tommy.

Joel hummed before leaning on the doorframe.

“You need anything?” He asked gruffly – still looking completely uncomfortable.

“Something to drink would be nice,”

“You like coffee?” Your head shot up at the question. Holy shit! You haven’t had coffee in ages and if Joel had coffee you were absolutely stealing it because coffee was definitely worth dying for. Joel laughed at the way your face had completely lit up, “I’ll take that as a yes then,” he said before turning around and going back into the house.

You could hear Joel shuffling around in the kitchenette as he had left the garage door open. It wasn’t long after he left that he returned with two mugs of coffee.

“How thoughtful of you to bring me two servings!” You called out cheerfully, earning a rather disgruntled look from Joel who merely pushed one of the mugs towards you, before protectively holding his own mug to his chest – causing you to burst out laughing at the display.

You bought the cup up to your nose – deeply inhaling the scent of it. It went wonderfully with Joel’s leather and copper musk… you shook your head violently, trying to rid the unwanted thoughts.

“What’s wrong?” you froze at the sound of Joel’s voice – momentarily forgetting his presence.

“Uh, nothing!” You laughed awkwardly – earning a raised brow from Joel – before you took a sip of your coffee. “God I missed coffee,” you moaned at the taste of it before a coughing noise caught your attention.

Joel’s cheeks were dusted pink as he held his hand over his mouth. Your obscene noise from before had brought back the intrusive thoughts and images Tommy had placed in his mind beforehand. Noticing your questioning gaze, Joel quickly flung an excuse your way.

“Sorry, t’was too hot,”

You shrugged before returning to your drink and Joel followed suite, bathing in the peaceful silence for a moment.

“You play?” your query caused Joel to shoot you a confused look before you gestured with your chin to a guitar sitting in the corner of the room near the door. “Do you play guitar?”

“Uh… Yeah, I do” Joel watched as you stared intently at the instrument, “Do you wanna play it?”

“Huh?” your eyes jerked back to Joel’s before the question registered and you giggled, “Nah, I don’t know how to play, but would you mind showing something to me?”

“Sure,” Joel said before setting his coffee down on the ground and making his way over to the guitar.

That was how you spent the next half hour. Joel strumming away at his guitar – occasionally humming softly – whilst you sipped at your coffee and enjoyed the music filtering through your ears. 


	5. Stabby Stick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little bit of a mess but oh well

“Here you go,” Maria said as she dropped the house keys into your awaiting hand. “This place is all yours.”

“Thanks,” you replied as your eyes scanned over the small one-story flat.

“You’ll be helping Ellie and Jesse out tomorrow,” Maria stated, you shot her a suspicious look at the unfamiliar name. “Jesse’s an alpha like Ellie but I’m sure you won’t have any problems. You’ll be helping them out in the infirmary, okay?”

“Yeah, okay” you shrugged, still sounding unsure.

Maria sighed before resting her hand on your shoulder, “if your uncomfortable or have any problems tell Ellie and we’ll try to work something else out okay?”

“Okay,” you nodded - grateful, “Thanks, Maria.”

“No problem dear,” she said before giving your shoulder a pat and walking off. 

You watched her retreating form before you slid the key into the lock and entered your new residence. It was small with a bed nestled in the far right corner – tucked behind the kitchen area. There was a TV with a rickety-looking couch in front of it – a coffee table separating them.

Dropping your bag onto the ground, you kicked off your combat boots before walking to the bed in the corner of the room and flopped onto it face-first.

Your second heat wave ended almost an hour ago.

According to Joel, Maria had announced at the mess hall that evening about your arrival as an omega. You weren’t too pleased with how people were making such a big deal out of this – but Joel placated you with another cup of coffee. Oh! _That’s right,_ you thought – a smile gracing your features. You got up and out of bed and scavenged your new place for a kettle – which was hidden under the kitchen sink. Filling up the kettle, you then placed it on the stovetop.

Maria had explained to you that you technically weren’t supposed to make food in your kitchen – instead, you were supposed to get it from the mess hall – but she made an exception for now as you were uncomfortable with the idea of being around so many people, and in a heat daze at that … You shuddered at the thought.

The whistling of the kettle brought you out of your thoughts. You turned off the gas and went to your bag near the front door to pull out the pack of coffee grinds you had stolen from Joel. You snickered – wondering if the alpha had noticed yet.

As you finished making your coffee, you left the mug on the kitchen bench – to cool off - before unpacking the rest of your bag.

Taking out all of your sketchbooks, paints and pencils – you deposited them on a shelf near your bed. Then you went forth and grabbed your three favourite books you had managed to salvage and neatly placed them next to your art equipment.

Flashing a smile at the neatly organised shelf, you went back and grabbed your coffee before rummaging through the draws under the TV to find something to watch. You settled on watching some old music recordings as none of the movies looked appealing to you.

Sighing, you flopped onto the couch, listening to the music as you sip your coffee; reminiscing over all that had happened in the past 24 hours.

* * *

“So… what’s she like?” Jesse questioned Ellie as they made their way to the omega’s house.

“She’s like any normal person,” Ellie sighed – bothered by Jesse’s interrogation questions.

“That’s not what I meant,” the male alpha mumbled.

“You’ll be fine stop stressing,”

“I’m not stressing!” Jesse defended – causing Ellie to snort.

Finally arriving at your place, Ellie signalled Jesse to step back a bit – not wanting to overwhelm you – before knocking on the door.

Silence.

Ellie frowned before knocking harder.

More silence.

Looking back at Jesse who looked a mix of confused and concerned, Ellie decided to pound on the door and when there was no answer she called out, “(y/n)! It’s me, Ellie!”

There was no answer and Ellie was starting to freak out a little… well, enough the pick the lock on your door and barge in.

It was there that she saw your snoring, sleeping form awkwardly sprawled out across the couch – a mug clutched in one hand.

“Someone’s not a morning person,” Ellie heard Jesse snort from behind her.

Sighing, Ellie decided to wake you up by shaking your shoulders. Which was a horrible idea on her part.

The moment her hands had grabbed onto your shoulders, you shot wide awake – knocking Ellie’s head with your own, causing her to stumble backwards – before lunging at her and pinning Ellie down, your knife held to her throat – growling loudly and lowly. It was then that Ellie saw no sign of recognition in your expression. 

Jesse quickly came to Ellie's aid, grabbing you from behind – another horrible idea – causing you to thrash around violently before seemingly coming to the realisation that ‘oh! You have a knife,’ and plunging it onto Jesse’s side – who yelped before dropping you onto the floor. The two watched as you hightailed out of the house at full speed.

“So much for her being normal,” Jesse wheezed, clutching his side.

“I don’t think she recognised us…” Ellie trailed off.

“No shit,” Jesse snorted.

Ellie cursed as she helped Jesse apply pressure to the wound you had inflicted. Sighing, Ellie grabbed the walkie-talkie Maria had given her - in case they had any troubled with you – and filled her in about what had happened before taking Jesse to the infirmary.

* * *

Halfway through your mad dash, everything came back to you – being found by Ellie and Dina, going back to Jackson and meeting Maria, Tommy and Joel. Those memories only served to make you run faster. _Fuck!_ You thought _they’re so gonna kill me out when they find me._ Negativity clouded your mind as you ran and ran and ran. Your stomach churned as you remember holding your pocket knife to Ellie’s throat and then stabbing whoever was with her. Panic thrummed through your body as you twist and turned through the winding streets of Jackson – having no clue where you were going, but past the point of caring. You shifted on your right foot and threw yourself around another corner before –

“Fuck!” you grunted as you collided head-on with someone and went tumbling to the ground with them.

“fuc- shit! Sorry!” you fumbled with your words as you tried to quickly detached yourself from the man and scramble to your feet; but you were cut short by a familiar, baritone voice that had your whole body freezing in place.

“Slow down there,” Joel chuckled – before catching a waft of your scent which was full of distress and anxiety. Frowning, Joel asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yep! Just great,” you replied with overly forceful enthusiasm.

“Sure,” Joel snorted.

“Okay welp… I’m – uh gonna go now,” you turned around before Joel caught your wrist and pulled you back.

“You’re bleeding,” he stated.

“Huh?” you looked down to where he was looking and saw it was the hand you had stabbed what’s-his-name with. It must’ve been his blood… Well _shit_.

“Oh… This is nothing, it’s fine,” you waved it off before trying to tug your wrist out of Joel’s grasp; he didn’t let go.

“We should get you to the infirmary,” your eyes widened. Hell no! That’s where you were _supposed_ to be and likely where Ellie and the guy you stabbed was now.

“No!” Joel raised a brow at your outburst, “Uhh, I mean it’s just a cut I’ll be fine… just let me go?... Please?”

Instead of answering Joel ducked before grabbing you by the waist and flinging you over his shoulder.

“Joel!” you yelped as you felt your feet leave the ground. “Put me down!” you screeched as you thrashed around.

“You’re acting like a two-year-old” amusement laced the alpha’s words – making you _very_ irritated.

“That’s because I am a two-year-old,” you huffed – crossing your arms over your chest. Joel didn’t reply and instead just started walking to what you presumed was the infirmary.

“Fuck, why do you want me dead so badly?” you muttered to yourself.

“And how exactly is going to the infirmary going to ‘kill’ you?”

“Because…” you trailed off. During your short time here you had picked up that Joel and Ellie are close… were?

Either way, the two of them seemed to care deeply about each other – no matter how much Ellie avoided Joel; and you were pretty sure if you told Joel you had put your knife to Ellie’s throat, he would strangle you.

“Because?” Joel probed.

 _Fuck it,_ you thought, _I’ll just be evasive._

“I used my stabby stick,” you blurted. _FUCK! What was that!?_ You frowned at yourself, _well at least I tried,_ you countered-

“Imma presume you mean your knife,” Joel cut off your internal ranting with amusement and suspicion colouring his voice.

“UH… Okay, to be clear I was asleep and then someone grabbed me and I freaked?”

“So you- what? Stabbed them?”

“Not exactly…”

“Uh-huh”

“Pinned one of ‘em, then someone may or may not have grabbed me from behind and _then_ I stabbed them,” you murmured.

“And who exactly tried to wake you up?” Joel questioned, steps starting to slow.

“…Ellie,” you whispered. Joel froze. “I didn’t stab her though!” you tacked on desperately.

Joel sighed, his shoulders relaxing. “Good,” he grunted, “but that doesn’t make it any better.”

“I know…” you said softly.

“But to be fair they shouldn’t have tried to wake you up.”

“Yea- wait, what?”

Joel laughed, “don’t worry, you’ll be fine.”

“Oh thank god!” you breathed out.

The rest of your walk to the infirmary left you with a great view of Joel’s ass - which you had commented on – causing Joel to practically stumble over his feet, nearly dropping you in the process whilst you just cackled like a madman.

“You have no shame,” he grumbled.

“You have no idea, Texas” you chirped – causing Joel to stop in his tracks.

“What d’ya call me?”

“Um… Texas?” you started sweating – worried that you’d done something wrong. But Joel only hummed before continuing on his way.


	6. Stolen Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some spoilers in this chapter... sort of. More of an indicator than anything but yEaH

After arriving in the infirmary, Joel threw your legs over his shoulder – causing the floor to come awfully close to your face as you plummeted headfirst to the ground. Quickly throwing your arms out, you managed to help cushion the blow but you cricked your neck in the process and landed heavily on you back.

“Fuck,” you groaned, “What the hell was that for!?”

Joel just shrugged, “You could’ve killed Ellie and you stabbed Jesse,” he replied nonchalantly.

“Fucking knew you would be salty about that,” you mumbled as you staggered upright – brushing yourself off.

“Oh thank god!” a voice exclaimed. You turned to find that it was Tommy - who beckoned you and Joel further into the infirmary. “We’ve had the whole damn town looking around for you – caused quite the commotion.”

“Sorry ‘bout that,” you looked away from both Joel and Tommy as you were led down the halls.

“Eh, everyone was kinda at fault for it,” Tommy amended – obviously picking up on the nervousness that your scent was practically radiating. You always hated anything to do with heat’s - always meant you had no control over your pheromones.

Tommy opened the door to a little private room where there was a beta nurse tending to Jesse’s wound as Ellie and Maria stood to the side in a quiet conversation.

No one noticed the opening of the door, but they certainly noticed your anxious scent pouring all over the place.

“There you are!” Maria broke the silence; looking annoyed but also strangely relieved. You slightly angled your body away from her as she strutted over towards you. “Now,” she sighed putting her hand on your shoulder – causing you to tense up minutely, “Let’s figure this out okay?”

You grimaced at her words – feeling like a little kid getting a scolding. But as much as you absolutely hated having to throw your pride out the window, you decided that an apology was probably deserved.

“Sorry,” you grumbled, finding the wall to your left rather fascinating.

“For?” Maria prodded.

“For fuck’s sake! I said I’m sorry,” you waved your arms around uselessly as if that would somehow help.

Maria just sighed, Ellie looked to be suppressing a chuckle and you could see Jesse looked rather amused.

“Fine,” you sighed dramatically – turning to address Jesse, “Sorry for stabbing you and Ellie”- you looked towards her – “sorry for attacking you and making your dad angry,” you replied sassily – jabbing your thumb in the direction of Joel.

“He’s not my dad!” Ellie sputtered.

“Well, he’s as fucking protective as one,” you shrugged, feeling Joel’s eyes burning into the side of your face. Obviously what you said did something, because Ellie turned her glare to Joel looking rather angry.

“Okay, okay! Settle down children,” Tommy’s voice was placating but also held a small glint of humour. “Now that, that’s settled we’ll hafta figure something else to make sure this won’t happen again and then we can continue our jobs, ‘kay?”

Joel huffed, “Sure”

“Why don’t we get (y/n) an alarm clock?” Ellie suggested.

Jesse snorted, “she didn’t even wake up to us practically knocking down the door – doubt an alarm will help”

“Hey!” you said indigently.

“Well, we can at least try,” Maria sighed, “Now everyone, back to work! Jesse, you’ll have the rest of the day off.”

“Yes ma’am”

Everyone filed out of the room – leaving Jesse to recover. Ellie grabbed you by the wrist and dragged you towards… wherever she was headed.

* * *

“Let’s get shit straight,” Ellie said as she stopped outside a room. “Joel and I aren’t related or have anything to do with each other, got it?”

“Yeah sure,” you replied sarcastically.

“I’m serious, (y/n)!”

“Look,” you said, your eyes hardening as you faced Ellie, “I don’t give a shit about your relationship with Joel, but you can at least admit you care for him instead of shying away from it like a coward. Even I can see there’s some sort of bond there, so don’t go around pretending there ain’t – believe me, it doesn’t make anything better for anyone.”

Ellie’s face went completely blank – except for her calculating eyes, which seemed to peer inside your very soul. You shuffled on your feet at her scrutiny.

Finally looking away, Ellie sighed, “you wouldn’t understand…”

“Well, maybe not your circumstances – not that I know anything about them – but…” you paused, waiting for Ellie to look you in the eyes, “I can assure you that I’ve been through the same, just a different scenario.” You felt your eyes soften as you watched Ellie hesitate – processing your words.

Being an omega automatically made you have a strong mothering instinct, but you also always had a soft spot for children – no matter how gross they could be. _Kids will forever be the death of me,_ you sighed internally _._

“Hypothetically,” Ellie started – drawing you out of your thoughts, “if someone close to you… betrays you but doesn’t tell you until you- uh kinda find out yourself… What do you do?”

You hummed in thought before answering, “Well, _hypothetically,_ I’d ask you whether this person hurt you enough to make you hate where you are now, how far you’ve come and make you yearn to go back and change reality” you stated with a firm nod of your head before reaching out and flicking Ellie on the forehead.

“Hey!”

“Think about it like that,” you smiled gently. “Now!” you rested your hands on your hips, “What’re we s’pose to be doing?”

“Oh! Uhh we’re supposed to restock all of the medical supplies – the stock room’s just in here,” Ellie said gesturing to a door behind her.

“Right! Let’s get to it then!”

* * *

Bumbling around the infirmary was rather draining – especially with all the fucking social interaction.

Your social bar was draining real fast and it wasn’t even lunchtime yet. You sighed as you trudged your way through the winding halls – cardboard boxes obscuring your view as you tried to remember how to get to the operating rooms. You were so in your head trying to remember where you were going that you didn’t realise someone was in front of you until you bumped into them.

“Fuck- Sorry!” you called out as you tried to make your way around them – not being able to see what’s in front of you was rather hard.

“You gotta stop bumping into me – you’ll get a concussion,” you recognised Joel’s voice immediately and absolutely hated him for the amount of amusement he managed to stuff into that sentence.

“Then move outta my way cowboy,” you snarked back.

You jumped when you felt a hand on your shoulder – not realising Joel had slipped behind you. Craning your head back to see him, you quickly noticed that Joel was leaning rather close to you – so much for personal space.

“Did you…” Joel started – his eyes searching yours as a small frown graced his features.

“Uhh?” you were starting to sweat anxiously from all close proximity and the fact that you were in a heat daze did _not_ help with Joel’s enticing scent up so close.

“Did you steal my coffee?”

“Huh?” you said dumbly, not processing the question completely.

“Did. You. Steal. My. Coffee?” Joel repeated slowly – narrowing his eyes.

“Psh, no,” Joel didn’t seem to buy your answer – but like fuck you were gonna let him know you stole his coffee. “I’m in a place I don’t know, surrounded by people who can do whatever the fuck they want with me – considering my state. I don’t think it’d be wise to steal from them right of the bat,” you appraised Joel with a judgmental look – which was heavily returned.

“Says the girl who stabbed someone right off the bat,”

“That was an accident!” you squawked. Joel just let out a deep chuckle, before retreating from your personal space.

“Alright then,” he said before he was off on his merry little way. You sighed – relaxing your shoulders before continuing your search for the operating room. 

* * *

After finally locating the operating rooms, depositing the boxes of supplies, and trying to ignore the leers coming from the two alpha doctors in the corner; you met back up with Ellie who had grabbed some food from the mess hall. You two walked back to your place and -after inviting Ellie inside – ate dinner together whilst chatting along.

Ellie was quite sweet and had a shit ton of dad jokes at her disposal. You had learnt that Ellie and Joel had spent quite some time together traveling before they settled down at Jackson and that Ellie was obsessed with dinosaurs and practically anything to do with space – which you shared all of your knowledge on.

It wasn’t long before you had Maria knocking on your door with (apparently) one of the loudest alarm clocks she could find. You weren’t exactly impressed by that, but oh well – beggars can’t be choosers.

It was almost 9 pm by the time Ellie left your house and boy were you _drained_. You debated going to bed but decided to have a cup of coffee before that.

Bustling around the kitchen, you heard a knock on your door. You tilted your head in confusion – wondering who it could be at this hour. Grabbing your cup of coffee, you took a sip of it as you opened the door before you practically chocked on it.

Joel stood out front of your house. He raised his brow at your choking before he must’ve realised _what_ exactly you were drinking.

“I knew you stole my coffee,” Joel quipped.

You spluttered, “No! This is… uhhh” Joel watched you amusedly as you fumbled – racking your brain for some sort of excuse. “This is mud!” _fuck!_

“Mud?”

“Uhh, yep! 100% mud!” you strained a smile, “it’s very good for your skin you know?”

Joel looked somewhere between absolutely pissed and wanting to burst out in laughter. You very much hoped it was the latter.

“Well,” Joel’s husky voice was like a melody to your ears, “can I have some?”

“ _Wow,_ you can’t just ask me to _share_ my mud,” you exclaimed as you cradled the mug to your chest.

Joel let out a bark of laughter, and whilst you were distracted by it, he quickly pried the cup from your hands and knocked it back.

“Wait-”

“I gotta say,” Joel paused, seemingly to consider the taste of your ‘mud’, “This mud tastes a _lot_ like coffee”

_Fuck!_

“Yea well…” you trailed off. It was then that you had the wonderful idea to slam your door in Joel’s face to make sure he couldn’t barge in and take the coffee himself.

“Hey!”

“Sorry but finder’s keepers, losers weepers” you chanted mockingly.

“That ain’t count!” the alpha shouted petulantly. “You stole it!”

“Noooo, I _found_ it,” you waited for Joel’s response and when nothing came you got a little worried.

Opening the door a crack, you peered outside before a large hand wrapped itself around the door and wrenched it open the rest of the way.

“Fuck- No!” you cried from your new place on the ground as Joel stormed into your house and quickly located the coffee beans that you had left on the kitchen bench, before snatching them up and making his way back to you – mockingly leaning down towards your figure on the ground.

“Now,” he said slowly – drawing the word out, “I’m _pretty sure_ this is coffee and not mud,” he said before quickly pulling the bag out of the way as you tried to snatch it back, “No, these are mine sweetheart,”

You flushed at the nickname, giving Joel enough time to make his escape.

“Fuck- no!” you cried out as you quickly scrambled to your feet, “Give that back!” you shouted at Joel’s retreating form.

“Fuck no!” Joel replied – flipping you off as he sauntered away. “Also, you’ll be with me tomorrow so be up on time!” he called out.

“Yeah, fuck you!” you shouted before murmuring to yourself, “Whatever”

You closed the door – sealing off the frigid winter’s air – as you mourned your coffee.


	7. Hallelujah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi y'all, no real spoiler here. Hope ya enjoy ;)

You woke up to the screeching sound of your alarm clock – it honestly sounded like someone was screaming in your ear.

Groaning, you let your hand venture out of your warm cocoon of blankets in search of the off button. Uselessly smacking around your bedside table, it took you a few moments to locate the snooze button and you slammed it with all of the strength you could muster – which really wasn’t must considering it was morning and, despite your sleep, your energy was running low.

Once the nuisance of a noise was silent you could hear this awful pounding noise. Furrowing your brows – eyes still closed – you stuck you hand out towards your nightstand again, trying to locate the god awful alarm clock. You fumbled uselessly around with the rectangular piece of junk before giving up and decided throwing it away from you would be a better idea. The knocking noises stopped.

Sighing contently, you snuggled back into your blankets and got ready to resume your sleep before the fucking pounding started up again!

You snapped your eyes open – thoroughly pissed – and tried to fling yourself out of bed, but only managed to end up on the ground in a heap. Trying to suppress a scream of frustration, you used your ears to locate the goddamn awful sound. It seemed to be coming from the front door.

Dragging yourself up, you dawdled over to the door, before registering that someone must be on the other side – your brain really was not cooperating this morning.

You flung the door open and narrowly missed a fist coming towards you – about to knock again.

Joel stood in front of your house, looking utterly unimpressed – _the feeling’s mutual buddy._

“I’m starting to question how you survived this long,” Joel mused.

You sighed – pinching the bridge of your nose, “What do you want?”

“You do know I have been standing out here in the cold for 15 minutes waiting for you to wake up right?” The alpha looked rather irritated – which had started blending into his leathery scent - and although you felt a bit guilty, you could also feel your hackles rising at the potential threat he presented.

“Not my problem,” you shot back, defensively crossing your arms over your chest.

Joel just sighed, “I’m not in the mood for this. Get dressed, we’re leaving,” and before you could say anything else – the alpha had shut the door.

You huffed before stomping over to your closest and grabbing whatever you laid your hands on before going into the bathroom and getting changed. Dina had kindly dropped by yesterday afternoon and had lent you some of her and Ellie’s clothes for the meantime. Even though you had your own spare change of clothes in your backpack, you appreciated the sentiment.

Ignoring the temptation to purposefully take longer than necessary just to spite Joel, you swiftly laced up your boots, shrugged on a jacket and went out of the door.

“You’d have anything to eat, yet?” Joel’s question only earned him a flat look from you, “thought so,” he said before reaching into his pocket and passing you… a muesli bar? Before turning around and walking away – expecting you to follow.

You sighed as you peeled off the wrapper and bit into your makeshift breakfast as you followed behind Joel.

“So, what’re we doing today?”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,”

You quickly gulped down your food, “it’s called multi-tasking,” you remarked

“Well, it’s pretty damn gross,” the alpha shot back. You just rolled your eyes.

The two of you walked for a little longer and when it was obvious Joel wasn’t going to deign your question with an answer you decided to try again.

“So?”

“What?”

“Jesus,” you muttered, “What. Are. We. Doing. Today?”

“Helping out with the horses,” Joel’s reply caused your face to light up, “Yeah, Dina said you’d probably like that,” you shot the alpha a smile in return, causing his cheeks to dust pink – but you didn’t notice that.

* * *

Joel watched you from the corner of his eye – your face was graced with a smile, shoulders relaxed and your scent was the happiest he’d scented since meeting you. Your scent was of fresh lemongrass with a tinge of lavender – it made him want to keep you happy at all times, to bury his nose in your neck and inhale that-

Joel’s thoughts came to an abrupt stop, _what the fuck am I thinking!?_ He mentally scolded himself as you two continued walking. Taking advantage of the quiet moment, Joel managed to rein in his alpha and clear his head of those odd thoughts, and before he knew it, the two of you were outside the stables.

You were practically vibrating with how excited you appeared, making Joel chuckled.

“What?”

“Huh? Oh nothing,” Joel replied before leading the way into the stables.

Horses were lined up in each pen – awaiting to be tended to. Joel made his way to one of the Geldings at the back.

“His name’s Levi,” Joel informed you as he reached out the stroke the majestic beast on the nose.

“He’s beautiful,” you replied breathlessly – gently reaching your hand out towards the jet black horse to let him sniff you before going ahead and patting him.

Joel watched as you seemed to forget about the world around you as you petted Levi – just soaking in the horse’s presence. Unfortunately, as much as Joel would like to take you out for a ride, he knew Maria would be against it as you were in a heat daze and would likely attract all of the infected and perhaps any nearby stragglers. It was a much more dangerous world outside of Jackson’s walls.

“You know what you’re doing?” Joel asked, interrupting your reverie.

“Yeah,” you said as you turned to face Joel.

“Good,” Joel turned to point at some of the other stables, “You’ll need to take out Levi, Darius and Mai, and pick their hooves, give ‘em a brush down and then mix up their feed and replenish their hay, as well as muck out their stables” Joel then quickly gave you a tour of the stables and where to find everything before going off and tending to some of the other horses.

You turned to Levi, “Whatcha say bud? Wanna get pampered?” you earned a nicker in response, “thought so,” you giggled as you unhooked the head collar from off of the stable’s front before heading inside and slipping it over Levi’s ears. You led Levi out from the stable and hooked him up in one of the bays before grabbing a hoof pick and picking all of the mud out of his feet. Next, you grabbed a brush and gently went over all of Levi’s fur before combing out all of the tangles in his mane and tail. After that, you had put Levi back into his stable before grabbing some hay and chucking it over the fence and making up his food. You then made your way over to Mai’s stable and tended to her in the same way you did for Levi and by the time you had pulled Darius out of his stable you were pretty sure two or three hours had gone by.

“Come on little man,” you said to the very _not little_ stallion as you led him over to one of the grooming bays.

After hooking him up, you once again grabbed the hoof pick, bent over, and gently pulled the horse’s front left foot up off of the ground… you then heard a whistle before a woman behind you started to talk.

“Your ass looks damn fine in that position,” you jerked upright when you felt a hand caress your rear – not noticing how close the woman had gotten. A growl tore its way out of your throat. “You’re feisty,” the woman chuckled darkly – pupils dilating, “Lucky for you I like feisty,” she then lunged for you – taking you to the ground. The commotion startled Darius, who stomped around and narrowly missed crushing your head. You rolled to your side, avoiding another hoof, and not too soon you heard a _‘snap!’_ and then in the next minute you could see the buckskin gelding running loose – if only that was your main concern.

The woman had wrestled her way on top of you after you had flipped yourself over, she was straddling your lower back and emitting the scent of alpha and heady arousal. You squirmed on your place on the ground, trying to use your elbows to knock her off of you – it only ended with an elbow of the woman’s own slamming in between your shoulders to cease your movements as the wind was knocked out of you.

You breathed hard and heavy as you tried desperately to regain your lost air. The tan-skinned woman shuffled a top of you and in the next moment, you could feel her cold hand trailing up underneath your shirt – starting up your fight again. You jerked around as violently as you could, but you were cut short when you felt a hand pinch the back of your neck – in the exact right spot to make you go completely lax.

Nimble fingers unhinged your bra and moved it aside. Tears had started to stream down your face as her hand started to massage your breasts – you didn’t want this, it needed to stop, it needed to-

Your breath hitched when you felt teeth graze just below the woman’s fingers – right where a bonding mark would be held. Panicking, you started to silently beg for the woman to stop – you couldn’t move an inch of your body by will, you were useless, you were just made to be another being’s pleasure, you-

A shrill scream cut through the air and in the next moment the woman’s weight was off of you. The scent of burning leather and gunpowder filled the room, causing you to curl up into a ball and whimper. Someone was angry at you, you had done something wrong – now you would be punished, hurt for it.

“(y/n)…” a gentle, deep voice lulled you out of your negativity and coaxed you to crack open your eyes. Nutmeg irises met yours and your body relaxed, this was Joel, your _mate_ and he was safe. You let your eyes fall closed again and in your last moment of consciousness, you could feel warm arms wrap around you.

* * *

Joel was putting Shimmer into her stable when Darius had almost knocked into the two of them at full speed. Joel quickly released Shimmer into her stable before going back out after Darius, who had stopped at the fence line. After Joel had got a hold on the gelding with some bribery of treats, he realised that you hadn’t come out after the horse. Frowning, Joel wondered if you had gotten hurt – the idea made him a lot more panicked than he had expected. Jogging back into the stables with Darius trotting along at his heels – Joel deposited the horse back into his stable with still no sight of sound from you.

Sweat started to bead on his brow, as Joel made his way to the grooming stations and what he saw made him see red.

A muscular female was straddling your back – the scent of lust flowing heavily through the room, but it could not obscure the pure and blind _panic_ that was your scent. It was only when Joel saw the woman scrape her teeth _exactly_ where a bond mark would be that he had found himself with his knife lodged through the woman’s shoulder. Joel heaved the woman off of you, swiftly removing his knife before grabbing the other alpha’s hands and using his knife to pin her to the wall – ignoring the woman’s screeching of bloody murder, Joel made his way over to you – only to see that you had curled yourself into a tight ball and where whimpering in fear. It took Joel a moment to realise that his scent had taken a bitter and angry turn, so after reigning it back in, Joel called out your name.

“(y/n)…” He said softly. After a moment you relaxed and cracked open your eyes which filled with recognition before you closed them again and drifted off into the realm of the unconsciousness.

Joel bent forward and wrapped his arms around you, before picking you off of the ground and making his way to the infirmary.

* * *

Dina, Ellie, and Jesse rushed through the halls of the infirmary. After they had gotten back from patrol they had been immediately informed of what had happened and had raced their way to the infirmary.

The three brawled their way through the door to your room. You were in bed, propped up against your pillows whilst you sipped away at a cup of coffee, and Joel was sitting in a chair by your side drinking from his own mug. At the intrusion you immediately went stiff, the smell of Jesse and Ellie not having yet been recognised – causing Joel to growl. The three looked towards Joel who, in turn, looked rather surprised himself. 

“Sorry,” he murmured, averting his eyes. Everyone seemed to forget about it except Ellie, who looked at Joel calculatingly. She had never really seen Joel so protective of someone. Of course, he was annoyingly overprotective of her, but he wouldn’t just go ahead and _growl._

“How ya doing?” Jesse asked, breaking the momentary silence.

“I’m okay,” you said softly, giving Jesse a small smile before snorting, “you should see the other guy.”

Jesse raised an eyebrow at that and turned to Joel who merely shrugged in response.

Dina walked up to you and took your hand in hers, “are you sure you’re okay?” she asked tentatively.

You sighed. “Yeah, just a little shaken up is all.”

Ellie stood to the side in silence, not too sure what to say or do. Luckily for her, you beckoned her over.

“Want me to show you how to paint?” Ellie’s eyes lit up at the question before remembering your current state.

“Are you sure…?”

“Yeah!” you said cheerfully, “it’ll be fun and I sure as hell can use it,”

“Well, then I’m in!”

“Oohhh, can I join?” Dina questioned looking rather fascinated by the idea.

“Of course,” you smiled.

Everyone spent a moment bathing in the relief that you were okay and the excitement that was to come.

“You want to grab something to eat first?” Joel inquired, looking towards you.

“I dunno…” To be honest you didn’t really want to be in a crowd right now, especially with people you didn’t know.

“There’ll be no one there, the mess hall is technically shut,” Joel supplied.

“Okay,” you sighed. Joel offered out his hand for you to take but you dismissed him, “I’m not that bloody old,” you chided.

* * *

You’d never been in the mess hall before and you were regretting it.

“They have a fucking piano!” you exclaimed running over to it like an excited child.

“What? You play?” Joel questioned with a title of his head.

“Hells yea!” you settled yourself on the seat and ran through some scales – you hadn’t played for ages and your fingers were a little stiff but you hadn’t touched a piano with the intent to play since before the outbreak.

You searched your brain for a song to play and the next second you were running on muscle memory.

Your fingers glided gracefully across the piano keys as you played through ‘Hallelujah’. Joel started to hum away to the tune as he sat down on the floor, leaning on the piano. It was then that your voice picked up.

“ _Now I’ve heard there was a secret chord_

_That David played, and it pleased the Lord_

_But you don’t really care for music, do ya_?” You sent Joel a wink, earning a small chuckle in return.

“ _It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth_

_The minor fall, the major lift_

_The baffled king composing Hallelujah_ ”

“ _Hallelujah_ ,” you smiled when Joel’s voice reached your ears – singing along with you, “ _Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah_ ”

Joel took the lead,

“ _Your faith was strong but you needed proof_

_You saw her bathing on the roof_

_Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you,”_

You took over again, voice powerful and strong.

“ _She tied you to a kitchen chair_

_She broke your throne and she cut your hair_

_And from your lips, she drew the Hallelujah_ ”

Once again, your voices united in harmony,

“ _Hallelujah, hallelujah_

 _Hallelujah, hallelujah_ ”

Joel once again took lead, his voice deep yet strong.

“ _Baby I have been here before_

_I know this room, I’ve walked this floor_

_I used to live alone before I knew you_ ”

You once again switched leads,

“ _I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch_

_Love is not a victory march_

_It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah”_

Your voices echoed through the room in a beautiful, broken song.

“ _Hallelujah, hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, hallelujah_

_There was a time you let me know_

_What’s really going on below_

_But now you never show it to me do you?”_

Both of your voices rose, singing strong and loud.

“ _And remember when I moved in you_

_The holy dove was moving too_

_And every breath we drew was Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, hallelujah”_

Joel dropped out, leaving you to sing alone.

“ _You say I took the name in vain_

_I don’t even know the name_

_But if I did, well really, what’s it to you?_

_There’s a blaze of light in every word_

_It doesn’t matter which you heard_

_The holy or the broken Hallelujah”_

Joining once again, you and Joel gently sung.

“ _Hallelujah, hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, hallelujah”_

You dropped out this time, letting Joel pour his emotions out.

“ _Maybe there’s a God above_

_But all I’ve ever learned from love_

_Is how to shoot at someone who outdrew you_

_And it’s not a cry you can hear a night_

_It’s not somebody who’s seen the light_

_It’s a cold and it’s a lonely Hallelujah”_

You joined once again,

“ _Hallelujah, hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, hallelujah”_

As you both trailed off, you were left to brokenly sing the last verse. Your hands aching as you strained unused muscles.

“ _I did my best, it wasn’t much_

_I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch_

_I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool you_

_And even though it all went wrong_

_I’ll stand before the Lord of Song_

_With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah, hallelujah_

_Hallelujah…”_ Your voice softened into barely a whisper, “ _Hallelujah”_ your hands slowly came to a stop. The two of you bathed in your melancholy as the last note gently came to a stop.

It was quite a while later till Joel broke the quiet.

“Leonard Cohen, huh?”

“Yup,”

“Seriously? You like that guy?” Joel asked, craning his neck to look at you. You noticed that his eyes were glassy.

“Hmm, not a big fan of his songs but you’ve gotta admit the man has some gorgeous lyrics,” you said.

“Touché”

The two of you sat in peaceful silence for a little longer before grabbing some food from the mess hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wahh sorry to those who DO like Leonard Cohen. I do like his lyrics and songs... just not a big fan of his voice lol


	8. Mai

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick warning here that there are some mentionings of torture - although it's not exactly explicit in this chapter - will be more so in the next one. Also, there will be mentionings of panic and anxiety attacks!

You and Joel walked back to your place in silence. It was quite awkward, to be honest.

After your little sing-a-long, you had grabbed some leftovers from the abandoned mess hall and polished those off before Joel decided to tag along on your walk back home.

Despite the awkward atmosphere, you started to mentally plan your painting session with Ellie and Dina. You had enough paints for everyone to be able to use a medium-sized canvas… Wait- _fuck!_

“Shit,” you cursed under your breath. How could you forget about canvases!? Not only that, but you were sure you didn’t have any material that would provide a decent substitute.

“What’s wrong?” Joel inquired after noticing you scent had soured in worry.

“Huh?” you turned to Joel – startled out of your internal panic, “Oh! Sorry, I- uh realised that I don’t have any canvases to paint on.”

Joel looked confused for a split second before obviously remembering about your promise to teach Ellie to paint.

The alpha’s brows furrowed in thought before he came to a stop, causing you to stop in your tracks as well.

“I think I have an idea,” Joel said before beckoning you to follow him.

You weren’t sure where you were going – still unfamiliar with Jackson’s winding roads. It wasn’t until you neared a familiar house that you realised that Joel had dragged you to his place.

“If I find out you’ve got a stash of canvases, don’t think they’ll still be there by tomorrow,” you threatened lightly – only half-joking.

Joel chuckled lightly, shaking his head, “Nope. But I think I have a decent substitute.”

You frowned – cocking your head to the side in confusion.

Opening the door, Joel led you inside. You found your body completely relaxing as you took in the strong, calming scent of the alpha. Quickly shaking off any indecent thoughts, you hurriedly followed an awaiting Joel up the stairs.

You couldn’t help but admire the gorgeous paintings on the walls as you travelled up to the second floor. Traditional oil paintings that each depicted horses and their riders stood proudly on the walls. Resisting the urge to reach out and trail your fingertips across the faces of the canvases, you looked up to Joel who was at the top of the stares watching you with amusement.

You huffed, rolling your eyes before quickly catching up to him. The alpha’s lips twitched into a smile at your antics, before darting into a small studio. The scent hit you like a brick – causing your omega to whine and you to desperately _not_ follow suit. It was obvious that the alpha spent a _lot_ of time in here and the overwhelming scent was making your heat-dazed-self hot and bothered. You stepped out of the room and lingered in the doorway. When Joel sent you a questioning look, you shrugged – trying to play it off coolly.

“You spend a lot of time in here,” you simply said.

“Sorry,” Joel grumbled lightly.

You watched as the alpha pottered around – opening and closing draws and cabinets – before finding what he was looking for with a triumphant huff. He brought the materials towards you and revealed them to be three decently-sized wooden panels.

“That okay?” you just beamed in response – snatching up the three panels and running your hand over the smooth surface. 

“Yes! Thank you so much!” you cheered, flashing Joel another smile. The alpha himself wore a soft smile at your enthusiasm and his ability to be able to please you – Joel’s eyes widened at his thoughts, before clearing his throat and quickly changing the subject.

“You should probably head back now, don’t wanna keep the girls waiting,” you froze on the spot before quickly peering out the window to see that it was getting quite dark.

“fuck- okay!” you said as you fled down the stairs before coming to a dramatic halt. “You- uh… Thanks, Joel,” you said, offering a gentle smile. The alpha just waved the comment off before turning back into his studio.

* * *

You jogged back to your place and in your excitement, you forgot that you had no clue where you were going.

Coming to a halt, you looked around trying to find any familiar buildings. Unfortunately for you, you had absolutely no clue where you were.

Anxiety bubbled up in your chest. You weren’t a fan of being out at night – especially when you didn’t know where you were going, and you weren’t sure how Ellie and Dina would react to you being late because you were stupid and managed to get lost.

Sighing, you tried to reign back your anxiety as you continued to wander around – desperately looking around for any familiar areas. You saw a small group of young adults and decided to ask them about how to get to the mess hall – you knew how to get back to your place from there at least.

“Hey!” you called out, gaining their attention as you jogged over. “Do you guys mind giving me directions to…” you trailed off as a hauntingly familiar scent filtered through your senses. Your eyes snapped to the beta. “Elijah,” you breathed out as you took in his features. His scraggly orange hair was tied into a ponytail and he had stubble lining his face. Emerald eyes met with yours as the pale-skinned man leered down at you.

“(y/n),” he regarded you bitterly, “thought a bitch such as yourself would’ve died by now,” you felt your chest clench in pain at his hate-filled words.

“That’s the dumb bitch that got me stabbed!” a woman next to Elijah screeched. You quickly glanced in her direction to find out it was the lady who had jumped you not long ago, before warily training your eyes back to the ghost that stood before you - who hummed in acknowledgment of his comrade’s outburst.

“Well,” he chuckled dryly – sending shivers down your spine, “I guess we can all get some revenge then,” he reached out towards you – causing you to violently flinch away.

“I never killed Mai,” you whispered.

“Liar!” Elijah snarled before lunging at you. You didn’t fight him, you couldn’t – not after what you did. You felt tears roll down your face as Elijah’s knife rested at the base of your throat. “I think losing some skin first will help you understand her pain,” he said as you felt someone rip apart your top before hot white pain seared your senses. You cried out in pain as you felt the skin from your collarbone being violently scraped off. Instinctively, you thrashed around – causing the others around you to hold down your limbs as you keened in pain.

* * *

_You scoured through the kitchen draws for some supplies. Mai was in the bathroom doing the same._

_“Found anything!?” The alpha called out._

_“No!” You replied. You started sweating –_ fuck, _you thought,_ why me?

_You started to panic – breathing heavily, your throat tightening as if it were strangling you. Sweat started to leak from your pores and you could tell your scent was getting stronger by the second._

_“Hey,” Mai softly called out –_ when did she get here? _“Everything’s gonna be fine,” she said, soothingly running a hand down your back._

_You couldn’t think straight. Everything was just panic, panic, PANIC._

_“(y/n), I need you to breathe with me,” Mai said as she squatted down in front of your form –_ when had your knees given out?, _“In and out, in and out,” the alpha breathed along with you, guiding you through the simple steps of inhaling and exhaling._

_“Sorry,” you croaked out – eyes glassy._

_“It’s okay,” Mai smiled, “everyone panics every once in a while.”_

_Helping you up off the floor, Mai quickly rubbed the inside of her wrists against your neck – trying to conceal your omegan scent as much as she could._

_“Let’s get back to base,” Mai suggested as she tugged your jacket sleeve – guiding you outside, “We’ll figure something out. You may just have to ride it out though,” the alpha appeased._

_“Yeah,” you sighed as you let the familial scent of Mai wash over you._

_You couldn’t believe your pack had managed to run out of suppressants. Not even Riyana or Isaac had any – both assuming you had some. The team decided to go out in search for some – everyone pairing off in twos. Unfortunately, out of the three omegas, you had drawn the short straw and were to venture out with Mai so she wouldn’t be alone… Well, it’s probably better said that Mai drew the short straw._

_As Mai led you through the doorway, trying to coax you out of your depressed state with cheerful chatter – the awfully familiar sound of clicking began._

_“Fuck!” Mai quietly cursed as the two of you ducked back into the house. Peering through the window._

_There were two clickers and three runners roaming outside of the house._

_“Let’s try and go out the back,” you suggested – not trusting your body to have enough control of itself not to release pheromones._

_“Yeah,” the alpha agreed as you both quickly snuck through the house._

_Mai quickly and silently slid open the glass door leading out to the house’s backyard. You slipped out first and as you turned back to make sure Mai had gotten out safely too, you were tackled to the ground. Suppressing a cry of surprise, you tried to maneuver yourself so that the fucking runner was no longer on your back. You could hear the snapping of jaws and before you could feel them sink into your shoulder the weight was lifted off of you. Mai grunted in exertion as she hauled the runner off of you before grabbing her gun and stomping her boot on its shoulder to hold it still, and shooting them._

_The shot rang through the air – loud and proud. But the relief only lasted a second before the screaming started up._

_“Fuck!” Mai shouted as she grabbed you and pulled you to your feet before the two of you took off._

_Jumping the fence, you both narrowly missed the jaws of another runner before bolting around the corner and running as fast as you could down the street._

_“I thought this area was fucking clear!” you shouted, as infected came barrelling out of nearly every house in the vicinity._

_“So did I!” Mai called back._

_You quickly whipped your pistol out and shot a clicker that got a little too close for comfort._

_“Their gonna surround us!” you screeched._

_“I fucking see that,” Mai said as she frantically looked around for a way out. “There!” the alpha called out before taking off in the direction she pointed to._

_“Mai, I love you but why the ever loving fuck are we going into one of the houses!”_

_“Just trust me!” Mai cried out before started to push a dumpster towards the house._

_“What the fuck!” you screamed out as you frantically tried to cover her from the infected._

_“Hurry up!” You looked towards Mai who had climbed atop of the dumpster and quickly joined her before clambering your way up onto the roof._

_“Now what!?” You asked._

_“Haven’t thought that far!”_

_“What the fuck Mai!?”_

_“Oh shut up!” she snapped back._

_Your chest heaved as you looked around for a way out. The infected were all trying to clamber their way up onto the roof and they were making rather quick progress. It wasn’t until you saw a ladder._

_“Cover me!” you shouted at the alpha who immediately did so._

_You hauled the ladder onto the roof, before turning to the neighbouring house. Quickly grabbing a brick from your pack, you aimed to throw it at one of the windows – only to miss._

_“Fuck!” you cried out, “Mai give me something to throw!”_

_“To you!? You have fucking shit aim!” she yelled exasperatedly – she wasn’t wrong._

_“Fucking – god! Okay, switch then! Try and break that window over there!” you quickly pointed it out before taking over Mai’s job of trying to keep the infected at bay._

_You heard the shattering of glass._

_“What now!?”_

_“Grab the ladder and place it between here and the window!” you shouted._

_“Are you crazy!?”_

_“Yes! Now hurry the fuck up!” you screamed back at her._

_“Ready!” Mai’s voice rang out. You quickly shoved back another infected with your foot before turning tail and making your way as quickly as you could across the wobbly, makeshift bridge._

_After you hurled your ass through the window, Mai quickly shoved the ladder off of the window sill._

_“Let’s secure this floor,” Mai panted._

_“Yeah okay,” you wheezed in response._

_Getting to your feet the two of you quickly barricaded the staircase to the second floor you were on. You then checked out all of the rooms and secured all of the windows._

_“Hey! (y/n), come here!” you heard Mai call out. Following the sound of her voice – you found her in the bathroom holding a packet of heat suppressors!_

_“Fuck yeah!” you cheered as Mai threw them towards you. Grabbing two pills, you tossed them back before pocketing the rest._

_“Feel better?” Mai inquired._

_“They ain’t magical!” you laughed, “it’ll take some time for ‘em to kick in.”_

_Mai just huffed, before rummaging through her backpack._

_“Here,” the alpha said as she held out a sandwich towards you. You raised your brow in questioning, “Elijah made them for me,” Mai grumbled – her cheeks tinting pink._

_“Aww” you cooed – earning a scowl from Mai, “nice to see the two lovebirds finally getting along again!” you cried as you snatched up the sandwich._

_“It’s not like we were fighting in the first place,” Mai grumbled._

_“Sure,” you snorted, taking a bite of your sandwich. “Fuck,” you groaned, “Elijah makes the best bread!”_

_Mai just chuckled before sighing, her smile fading and her shoulders sagging._

_“Hey, what’s wrong?” you prodded gently._

_“It’s nothing,” Mai said before continuing after the flat look you gave her, “do you think we’ll be able to get back?” the alpha asked quietly._

_You frowned. You were a bit worried about Riyana and Isaac not having access to suppressants, but you were sure that this hoard will pass. Besides, once the meds kicked in Mai will be able to completely conceal your scent and you could start making your way back to base._

_“Yeah,” you finally said, “we’ll be okay,” you flashed a small smile to Mai, “we always have been.”_

_“I guess you’re right,” Mai sighed, giving you a smile._

_“When am I not?” you proclaimed._

_“When you thought you had good enough aim to break the window,” Mai snorted, causing you to pout._

_“No fair!” you whined._

_Silence overtook the two of you as you both snacked on your food. It wasn’t until Mai broke it, that you finally looked her way._

_“Hey (y/n)?” Mai asked gently, almost whispering._

_“Yeah?” you replied – keeping your voice low too. You weren’t sure why Mai was being so quiet, but it felt…_ wrong _for it to be otherwise._

_“When you see Elijah, can you tell him to keep fighting?” Mai whispered._

_You frowned, “don’t talk as if you won’t be there.”_

_“Can you all keep fighting please?” Mai continued - ignoring you, “I love all of you and I want you all to only die of old age…” the alpha trailed off, before turning to face you. “(y/n),” she said sternly, “I’ve known you for a long time… even before the outbreak… and I-I want you to know that love is real, I know you get scared of embracing, any of it – friendship, romantically and so on… but you shouldn’t,” Mai sighed, “but even if you do, can you promise me that you’ll keep fighting for yourself? That you will love at least yourself?” Mai’s voice broke off – her eyes glassy as she watched you._

_“Yeah, I’ll promise you that,” you sighed, “but only if you promise me to always be here.”_

_“I promise,” Mai whispered._

_…The screams started not much later. Mai’s blood covering your shaking hands._

_“Liar,” you whispered._

* * *

“Fuck!” a voice called out, “Holy shit! (y/n) are you okay!? Can you hear me?”

You opened your eyes and saw a blur of colour. Tears prevented your sight from focusing – but you recognised _that_ colour anywhere.

“NO!” You cried out as you tried to scramble away – your chest burning.

Red… Red… No red… you couldn’t – _red_ – it wasn’t –

“Hey!” the voice said – startled, “it’s okay – you’re okay,” the voice said gently.

Your chest hurt like hell, but you blinked away the tears. Trying to force yourself to calm down. Focusing your gaze on the voice…

“Jesse?” you questioned – still not being able to make out the fuzzy being.

“Yeah… Yeah, it’s me,” Jesse said. He reached out towards you – causing you to flinch away. “Fuck okay- umm,” the alpha didn’t know what to do, but he didn’t want to leave you here to go get help. “I’m going to grab your shoulders and help you on your feet…okay?” Jesse waited for a moment and after a while, you gave him a little nod.

Slowly reaching out, the alpha gently grabbed your shoulders – trying to avoid any skinless areas. He helped haul you up to your feet before trying to hook your arm around his shoulders – causing you to hiss in pain at the stretch it caused your chest.

“Sorry,” Jesse quickly supplied, looking around. “Okay, Ellie’s place is near here,” Jesse commented as he basically dragged your form forwards – your feet awkwardly moving along. “We all went out looking for ya since you hadn’t arrived back at your place yet,” Jesse rambled on.

The alpha continued the chatter but you tuned it out – thoughts focusing on Mai, Elijah and your lost pack. Your depressed mindset must’ve filtered into your scent as you no longer could hear the white noise of Jesse’s rambling.

Before your mind could process anything, you found yourself sitting on the edge of a bed with multiple people fussing over you – but you paid no mind to it. You were fine with the pain, used to it by now… Really they should all just let you be.


	9. Blood, Sweat and Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not doing much posting in between, but here's the next chapter!! ;)

Jesse’s brows creased at the metallic stench of blood – the strength of it was concerning. Deciding to check it out, Jesse jogged down a dimly lit street – it was there that your pheromones caused him to completely _freeze._ The intensity of your scent was overwhelming – the amount of fear, sadness and complete _loss_ was concerning.

It was in a little alleyway that Jesse had stumbled upon the scene.

“Hey!” The alpha barked – garnering the attention of the group.

Though he couldn’t see you at first, a few had stepped aside to get a better view of the intruder and revealed your mangled, heaving chest – chunks and strips of skin lay scattered across the ground, and Jesse had to swallow back the bile that threatened to rise _._

“What’re you doing!?” He shouted – enraged - as he quickly made his way over.

“None of ya business,” One of them replied – Jesse recognised her as the alpha that had jumped you earlier.

“Then leave,” Jesse growled. 

The alpha woman snarled at him – flashing her teeth.

“Stand down!” Someone snapped behind her.

“But-”

“Stand. Down” The woman huffed at this but said nothing more as she moved to the side.

Jesse was greeted with the sight of Elijah – being in charge of a lot of patrols got him well acquainted with most of the people involved, including this sketchy bastard.

Elijah’s knife was still buried under your skin – halfway through carving down the middle of your ribs.

“Leave,” Jesse said warningly, scooting his foot back and taking on a fighting stance. “Now,” a growl building up in his throat.

The red-headed man only chuckled, “sure thing boss”

“Wha-”

“Shut it,” Elijah turned on his companion, “we ain’t wanna deal with this group.”

 _Wise choice,_ Jesse thought as he watched Elijah roughly jerk his buried knife out of your chest before skirting around him.

Jesse made sure to watch all of the little group to leave before letting his guard down.

Blood coated almost every inch of your bare chest – skin hanging limply in some places and some patches rested near you. Some areas were deeper than others.

“Fuck!” Jesse breathed – watching your barely rising chest, “Holy shit! (y/n), are you okay? Can you hear me!?” Shaking your shoulders was tempting – but he didn’t want to aggravate your injuries any further.

Shuffling closer, Jesse went to reach out to check your pulse before your eyes blinked open. You still held that dazed look, but no recognition crossed your face. Instead, you seemed to zoom into the blood around you before practically throwing yourself away from him – without so much as flinching.

“NO!” you cried as you attempted to scuttle away – some of the bone of your ribs visible with your heavy breathing.

“Hey!” Jesse exclaimed – startled at your sudden movement, “it’s okay – you’re okay” Jesse said softly – trying to calm you _and_ himself down.

“Jesse?” you asked hesitantly.

“Yeah…” Jesse’s shoulders sagged in relief, “yeah, it’s me.” He went to reach out towards you, only to cause you to flinch. “Fuck okay- umm,” the alpha didn’t know what to do, but he didn’t want to leave you here to go get help. “I’m going to grab your shoulders and help you on your feet…okay?” Jesse waited for a moment and after a while you gave him a little nod.

Slowly reaching out, the alpha gently grabbed your shoulders – trying to avoid any skinless areas. He helped haul you up to your feet before trying to hook your arm around his shoulders – causing you to hiss in pain at the stretch it caused your chest.

“Sorry,” Jesse quickly supplied, looking around. “Okay, Ellie’s place is near here,” Jesse commented as he basically dragged your form forwards – your feet awkwardly moving along. “We all went out looking for ya since you hadn’t arrived back at your place yet,” Jesse continued to ramble on – his nerves getting the better of him. It wasn’t until your scent registered and the faraway look in your eyes that he stopped.

You looked so… _sad_. Like everything you had, had been ripped away and you were just a husk of a person. Jesse wondered if there was something else that had happened other than the torture… Now that he thought back on it, he hadn’t heard you make any noise at all – even as he was approaching the group. It was concerning, especially since you weren’t entirely unconscious. 

It didn’t take long for the two of you to reach Ellie’s place. Jesse quickly left you to lean against the wall as he picked the lock.

After throwing the door open and dragging you inside and sitting you on the bed he looked over your wounds.

Though your naked torso would normally make him blush – the mangled flesh had his full attention.

“Fuck,” he cursed. This was bad.

He looked you over – it didn’t seem that you’d go anywhere but he didn’t really want to risk it. Wracking his brain for an answer, he remembered that the other three were going to meet back up at Joel’s place. Jesse glanced at the clock on Ellie’s nightstand. They should be there now.

He looked back to you… Although he didn’t want to, he decided to use his alpha Voice just to make sure you didn’t move. Better safe than sorry.

The alpha then booked it and ran full speed to Joel’s.

* * *

When Ellie and Dina had waited for over an hour and you had yet to show up, the two went in search of you – the constant dead ends causing them to fret. Ellie still couldn’t believe Joel hadn’t led you home. Fucking dumbass.

The three of them went in search of you together – asking each and every person they came across whether they had seen you, causing a town-wide search. But in the end, it was Jesse who had found you.

“I found her!” a shrill cry came down the road. Joel, Ellie and Dina turned to see Jesse drenched in blood.

“Fuck! Jesse are you okay!?” Dina asked worriedly, going up to check over her boyfriend.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Jesse waved her off, “blood’s not mine.”

Now _that_ garnered everyone’s attention – everyone going stiff.

“Where is she?” Joel’s voice held barely concealed anger.

“Ellie’s place… I- she was being skinned alive but she – it- they- I…” Jesse stumbled over his words trying to convey everything he had seen. It was… horrific. But he was more concerned over the fact that he hadn’t heard you make the faintest sound as your skin was being peeled off.

“What!?” Ellie snapped sharply, “and you just _left_ her there!?”

“She was commanded not to move,” Dina stiffened considerably at the admission. Everyone was uneasy really – alpha commands were not taken lightly in Jackson.

“She got scared when she finally… came to and literally _threw herself_ away from me,” Jesse quickly added, “I didn’t want to risk her aggravating her wounds more.”

“We should hurry then” Joel said sternly, before turning to Ellie, “go alert Maria and Tommy.”

“Wha-”

“Now,” Joel growled. _Growled._ The sound made everyone jump. It wasn’t exactly _rare_ for Joel to growl but it was the most animalistic sound Ellie had ever heard from the alpha – and _that_ was saying something.

Ellie didn’t argue any further and instead turned to go find Tommy and Maria.

“Let’s go,” Joel ground out

Ellie sighed as she eyed Joel out of the corner of her eye; the alpha was leaking pheromones all over the damn place and was fussing over you like a mother hen. Really he was such a mess.

After Ellie had managed to find Tommy and Maria, they had high tailed back to your place – with a shit ton of pain killers and bandages. When Ellie had first seen the mangled flesh of your chest she almost had to step out of the room – the scent of blood was so powerful, fear flooding the room and some scraps of flesh still hung to your chest. Apparently Dina hadn’t faired any better – having to step outside to empty her guts. Wonderful.

It had taken 2 hours to get you completely patched up. Having to make sure you wouldn’t get any infection was a pain, but it was necessary.

Jesse had released his command on you but the moment he did you started thrashing around, screeching like a banshee, until Joel panicked and used _his_ Voice to keep you still. Everyone was surprised at that. Ellie had _never_ seen Joel use his Voice before – honestly Joel seemed as surprised by the action as the others. Nonetheless, after that everyone got to work on patching you up. You who kept mumbling. At first Ellie couldn’t make anything out, your sentences slurred and sloshed together in a muted jumble of words. But Ellie had caught on the continuous repeat of the word – well, name – ‘Mai’. Ellie thought that you were talking about one of the horses in the stables… but that didn’t feel like the right answer.

Either way, you were moved to Joel’s place after you were patched up.

Tommy had suggested the idea originally – his tone obviously teasing and _suggestive,_ despite your condition. Shockingly, Joel had taken him seriously and straight up _agreed_. Today was full of surprises, that was for sure.

“Joel, _relax._ She’s not dying,” Tommy said – his voice bordering on concern and amusement.

The alpha was sitting next to you, checking your pulse almost every 2 minutes. He kept stressing, then drinking the water he had set out for you – before panicking and then rushing down to fill the cup back up again. Ellie had never quite seen Joel so… ruffled.

Joel didn’t respond to his brother.

“What’s wrong with him?” Dina whispered to Ellie – who just shrugged in response.

“It’s an alpha thing,” Maria stated – earning a growl from Joel due to her voice being louder than he deemed appropriate. Maria just rolled her eyes before stepping out of the room – gesturing the girls to follow.

“What do you mean ‘it’s an alpha thing’?” Dina pipped up, once the three had reached the kitchen.

“It’s sort of hard to explain,” Maria sighed as she filled the kettle, “but it’s basically where an alpha goes all protective over their ‘mate’.”

“But they’re not mates?” Ellie frowned.

“Well, no. But his alpha doesn’t recognise that,” Maria fished out some cups, silently asking the girls if they wanted any tea – earning a nod from both, “it’s usually not this strong, but that’s probably because they’re compatible.”

Dina graciously accepted her cup of tea as Joel hurried into the kitchen, filling up the now-empty glass, before rushing back upstairs.

“Tommy had mentioned something about being compatible and mates before,” Ellie took a sip from her tea, looking at the other alpha expectantly.

“Compatibility usually comes between an alpha and an omega – it is rare for it to be with a beta. Essentially, it is complementary or very appealing scents to one’s alpha or omega. It’s more of a primal thing – but in most cases, those who were compatible have a longer lasting relationship… or so I’ve heard.” Maria sighed, running her fingers through her hair, “though it is rare to be compatible, there are cases where it is more stronger – making you have a deeper bond instinctually. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the case with Joel and (y/n). It usually results in their wolf’s thinking of each other as mates when they take over. You could ask them and see if they ever had, but I doubt you’d get a straight answer.”

Dina hummed in thought, whilst Ellie remained silent – processing the new information.

“I think we should probably worry more about (y/n),” Dina said quietly, “She kept talking about someone called ‘Mai’.”

“I heard that too,” Maria added.

It was then that it clicked.

“Holy fuck…” Ellie breathed.

“What?” Dina prodded, a crease between her brows.

“I remember that name now! It was in her sketchbook!” Ellie exclaimed, “they must’ve been part of her pack!”

“Really!?” Dina looked excited by the idea… but then again, “Why was she so sad then…?”

“I… I think that maybe they died… or something,” Ellie trailed off – uncertain.

“Well, let’s not dwell on it,” Maria said, placing her empty cup in the sink, “she’ll tell us if she wants to.”

“Yeah,” Dina sighed, “I hope so.”

* * *

_Blood coated your hands as everyone stared at you – judged you. You shook as you stared down at Mai… Her form lay in front of you, reminding you of empty promises and the sins you had committed. But you weren’t to receive any praise at hauling her body back to base. No, you were the one that had gotten her killed – killed her. But it wasn’t your fault! It was- it was –_

You gasped as you lurched forward.

“Whoa there,” a steadying hand rested on your shoulder – but you barely noticed, too busy trying to _breathe._

Panting, you looked to your side where Joel held out a glass of water to you.

Taking it shakily, you gulped it down in one shot.

“You’re okay,” his voice was gentle and so was the hand tracing patterns down your back.

Your chest throbbed so badly that it almost felt numb.

“What happened?” You rasped out – throat still terribly dry.

Joel was quiet for a moment.

“That doesn’t matter right now. You’re safe and that counts.”

Suddenly everything hit you like a truck.

“Is Elijah okay!?” You practically shouted – wincing at the flare of pain from your chest.

“Who?”

“Elijah! H-h-he was with me before.”

“The… redhead?” Joel’s voice was dangerous and cautious – face darkening into something ugly.

“Yes! Yes, that’s him! Is- is he okay?”

“What the fuck!?” Joel snapped – scent turning sour, “He just tried to fucking skin you _alive_ and you’re worried about whether _he’s_ okay!?”

“Yes, I fucking am. You gotta problem with that?” You shot back – hackles rising at the indication that you wouldn’t be.

“Yes, I bloody well do!” Joel shouted, rising from his chair “he just tried to fucking _murder you_ and you don’t seem to give a shit!”

“Well, I fucking deserve to die!” You screamed back.

“Why!?”

“Because I-” you abruptly cut yourself off, not wanting Joel to know something so sensitive.

“Why?” Joel prodded again, his tone gentler but still bitter.

“None of your business.”

“Fine. Then who’s Mai?” You whipped your head around to look at Joel – surprise marking every feature in your face.

“Who?” You choked out, hoping you misheard him.

“Mai,” Joel said sternly, “you kept mumbling about them.”

“I-What… She-uh they – I mean… _fuck_ ,” you groaned as you slumped back in bed, eyes starting to water.

“Hey,” Joel said gently, “sorry, I didn’t mean to… I just – I was just… mad.”

“It’s okay,” you croaked, “I just-“ you sighed, looking away from Joel, “she was part of my pack and well… I guess you could say I killed her,” you laughed bitterly at yourself. Joel patiently waited for you to continue.

“I don’t know man… We were out scavenging for heat suppressants and I had to go with Mai because- well- I drew the short straw and had to go,” you ran your hand through your hair, “I couldn’t control my scent so we were supposed to scavenge through one of the cleared areas and then-” your voice hitched as you tried to supress any sobs – _god you were pathetic,_ “a hoard came through… Somehow we managed to escape and holed up in the second story of some house and waited for them to pass but- I… She didn’t tell me she was infected. Just…” you inhaled shakily, “I woke up the next day and she’d hung herself and I- I couldn’t… she never said anything. I mean she had kept talking to me like she was gonna fucking _die_ but I just thought – I thought she was being overly emotional or some shit,” the tears had started streaming down your face a while ago – Joel watching you blankly, “if I’d just kept track of the heat suppressant supply – I wouldn’t have – she…”

A hand rested on your knee, quietly silencing you.

“It’s not your fault,” Joel’s eyes were soft and his face was so _genuine._ A small crease sat in between his brows – showing his concern, and his voice was gentle but firm.

You shook your head.

“You don’t understand…” you said – not wanting to believe that is _wasn’t_ your fault, “everything fell to shit cause of me.”

You heard rustling and when you looked back towards Joel, he was standing outside the bedroom doorway, picking up a framed photo from the dresser.

Upon handing it to you, you saw a much younger Joel and a teenage girl with blonde hair and a smile plastered across her face. They were at a soccer tournament of some sort – indicating that this was taken before the outbreak.

“Her name was Sarah,” Joel stated quietly, “she was an omega like you…” The alpha trailed off; eyes garnering a lost, faraway look.

You regarded Joel quietly.

“Had her when I was quite young, but she was… she was the most precious thing,” Joel sighed deeply – you noticed that his hands were shaking. “On outbreak day we managed to flee to the highway… But an officer…” Joel trailed off, looking to the side. It didn’t take much brainpower to put together what had happened – you were there on outbreak day too. The military started to gun down anybody who hadn’t made it out immediately – infected or not.

“Hey,” your voice was soft as you leaned forward trying to capture Joel’s eyes, “that’s not your fault.”

Joel looked up towards you – face carefully blank, but you could see through the cracks. After all, you had used that same mask so many times yourself.

“I can imagine it’s hard… to lead a life where she isn’t there but…at least her memories weren’t tainted by this hell hole,” you earned a chuckled from Joel – pulling a smile from you.

“You’re probably right,” Joel leaned back into his chair, “never thought about it that way; but even though she was a tough cookie, she couldn’t hurt a fly,” Joel snorted, “if they didn’t deserve it that is – threw a good punch at some girl at school once.”

You snickered.

“I can already see where she got that from,” you teased.

“I honestly dunno whether I should proud or offended by that,” you shrugged as a response and the two of you fell into a comfortable silence.

“You know it wasn’t your fault right?” Joel asked quietly after a while.

“Yeah,” you sighed, “but sometimes it sure feels like it.”

* * *

You stood in the bathroom across from Joel’s bedroom – you flushed at that. You hadn’t even questioned who’s bed you were in, nor where you were. But to be fair, you were rather disorientated and panicky.

Sighing, you regarded yourself in the mirror. It was time to re-address your wounds, and… you were nervous. You didn’t know what to expect – but from what your burning chest and the others had said, it wasn’t pretty.

“You ready?” Ellie asked as she shuffled into the small room, closing the door behind her.

“Yeah,” you breathed, gently lifting your arms to give Ellie more access to your bandages which completely concealed your skin from sight.

“Here goes,” Ellie untied the knot at the back and started to unwrap.

The base of your throat was bright red and you could see the dried blood scabbing over. Breathing in deeply, you closed your eyes until Ellie had finished unwrapping you completely.

Swallowing harshly, you opened your eyes.

It was hideous.

Your skin was an angry red, scabbing over in placed – bone barely visible in deeper areas. The flesh of your chest was uneven and bumpy, craters littering your marred skin. You felt tears prick your eyes. _Fuck,_ you thought.

“It’s… it’s not that bad…?” Ellie practically whispered behind you – earning a wet laugh from you. Slapping your hand across your mouth, you breathed in shakily through your nose before looking away – Ellie took that as confirmation to continue.

After carefully cleaning out your stripped flesh and rebandaging, you stepped out of the bathroom.

What a horrible day.


	10. The Moment and The Misunderstanding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick warning!! There are some spoilers... if you squint... kiNdA

The week had passed in some semblance of normalcy… Well as normal as it could get when you were locked up in your own house.

“Can’t I just go outside?” You whined as Joel pottered around the kitchen in the early morning.

It had been 5 days since your encounter with Elijah, and you had done your best not to think about it – shoving those thoughts into a box, then shoving the box into the very corner of your mind.

For the first three days, you had been rather ill. You were sleeping for the majority of those days and your memory of them was a little hazy. The blood loss had finally caught up to you and you remember feeling like you’d been dragged to hell and back. Your chest ached, your fever made it impossible to decide whether you were hot or cold and you simply couldn’t get comfortable as it would pull or push at your tender flesh.

After those three days, you had felt much better. Walking around and doing some art when you were feeling up to it. Otherwise, most of your time was spent reading in the comfort of your bed.

But now, you were feeling completely fine; yet the little group that had taken you in, had decided you weren’t allowed out. It was _boring_ and you had nothing to really entertain yourself.

“You know you’re not allowed outside,” Joel sighed – getting mildly irritated over having to remind you of that fact every 5 minutes.

You groaned before dramatically flopping back onto your bed. Your chest aching a little in protest.

“I’m going to die of boredom!” When you had gotten no reply, you repositioned yourself so you could watch Joel move around the kitchen, “What ya doing?”

“Making pancakes,” Joel stated.

You perked up at the response. Clambering out of bed, you decided to get changed and readdress your bandages.

As you shuffled around, Joel eyed you as you collected some clothes, fresh bandages, and gauze.

“I won’t need any help, relax,” your comment had caused Joel’s cheeks to tinge pink before he quickly turned away. You chuckled, having realised not too long ago that it was rather easy to get such reactions from Joel if you knew how.

You shuffled into the bathroom, gently tugging off your shirt in the process. You stared at your mangled flesh in the mirror. Anxiety, anger, sadness and a whole mix of confusing emotions flooded you.

You had never been one to care too much for your skin – only really paying attention to it if you had gotten sunburn or something. But this…this, _hurt_. You wouldn’t say that you were entirely comfortable in your skin – not enough to show it off like some used to, but you were never so insecure about your looks either. Sure, you had the odd scar here and there from your travels, but nothing like _this_. It was like being branded. Constantly reminding you of another time, mistakes that could’ve been avoided and a different path life could’ve led you down. Sighing, you flicked your eyes away before removing the rest of your clothing and then turning on the shower.

Stepping in, you felt your muscles immediately relax under the warm water. You had always enjoyed showers. Letting the water run down your skin and beat into you in an ever-changing rhythm.

* * *

Joel heard the door to the bathroom open and close once again – indicating that you were done cleaning up.

The alpha never liked it when you had to change your bandages. You would always exit like you had seen some sort of ghost.

This time though, there was no scent accompanied by your presence. Frowning, Joel swiftly flipped over another pancake before looking your way.

His confused look had earnt a brief explanation.

“Used some herbs and stuff to cover up my scent,” you said flippantly.

“Never did that before,” Joel prodded gently.

You scoffed, “I ended up panicking and stabbing Jesse on my first day here, then managed to not wake up to my alarm the second time and have since then been confined to my room like a child. So, I either didn’t have time to or there was no point.”

Joel raised a brow at your outburst.

Despite not knowing each other for very long, you could practically read the other like an open book. It was rather annoying at times.

“I don’t like not having control over my scent,” you huffed, defensively crossing your arms over your chest.

“Fair enough,” Joel shrugged, thankfully letting the subject go, as you shuffled up to the kitchen bench. 

“Are the pancakes done yet?” In response, Joel handed you a plate with a stack of pancakes on it, passing you the maple syrup and some cream.

It was a rather slow morning. You and Joel ate in comfortable silence – the soft glow of the morning sun, bathing the room. It wasn’t until you had gotten up to clean your dishes that Joel spoke up.

“If you want, I could ask Maria to give you something to do.”

You paused, thinking the offer over.

“What kind of work?” You inquired.

“Dunno. But I can find out,” Joel shrugged, “I do know that she’s working on planning this family event that’s s’posed to happen in a few weeks.”

You hummed, “that sounds fun.”

“You can come along, you know?” You froze at the statement. Every time someone brought up the idea of having to do anything that involved _anyone_ outside of their little group, you had clammed up. Just the thought of being crowded around people was nerve-wracking… Especially with the appearance of Elijah.

“Yeah,” you breathed out.

Joel sighed before picking up his own empty plate and bringing it to the sink – standing next to you.

The alpha didn’t say anything, just silently watched you. Trying to think of some way to help integrate you into the community. You had been antsy lately, and despite your sensitive wounds, you could definitely do with getting out.

Joel pondered on the idea of taking you to the mess hall again to play the piano. It was then that he remembered your love for horses… but he wouldn’t be able to take you out… would he? With the fact that you could practically conceal your scent, you shouldn’t attract the infected. But therein lied the problem of what would happen if you _do_.

The alpha didn’t doubt that you could fight, but that would mean you could aggravate your wounds.

Joel hummed in thought.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Joel mumbled before moving away.

You frowned in confusion, wondering what that was all about, but decided to shrug it off.

* * *

“Joel,” Maria sighed, “taking her out could be dangerous.”

“I know that, but she _needs_ it.”

Maria regarded the other alpha. Although she had agreed on letting (y/n) help with the planning of the upcoming family event, she was not too fond of the idea of letting the omega outside… but she could also see where Joel was coming from.

Maria pursed her lips before letting out a long sigh.

“Fine,” Joel’s shoulders relaxed, “ _but_ , you are only takin' her out for a ride around the walls – it’s safe there and don’t forget that there has been an increase of infected around lately.”

“Yes ma’am,” Joel said lightly before turning back and making his way out the door.

“What took you so long?” You asked once Joel exited Maria’s office.

The alpha had dragged you outside after he had gotten sick of you pestering him to go outside – or so you presumed.

“We’re going for a ride,” Joel declared, looking rather proud of himself.

“Wha- wait really!?” When Joel nodded, you quickly flung your arms around him in excitement… before freezing. _Fuck._

Clearing his throat, Joel quickly brought you out of your internal panic and you nervously chuckled before releasing the alpha.

* * *

Upon reaching the stables, the awkward silence was broken when Joel had asked you which horse you had wanted to ride.   
“Levi,” was your immediate answer.

Joel raised a brow at that.

“Really? He can be a bit of a handful,” you just waved the alpha off before zooming through the stables and tacking Levi up in a blink of an eye.

Joel chuckled at your enthusiasm before going and grabbing Mai from her stable.

For some reason, Joel felt like she was the right horse to bring along.

Though you hadn’t told Joel much about _your_ Mai herself, she sounded a little bit like the mare. Witty and out-going, just a little timid over certain things.

After tacking up his horse, Joel hefted himself up into the saddle and made his way out only to find a rather giddy omega. Rolling his eyes at your excitement, Joel signaled the guards to open the gate.

Of course, the moment your horse had stepped outside of Jackson’s walls, you turned back to Joel with a cheeky grin.

“Race me!” You yelled out before kicking your horse into a gallop and taking off.

“Hey! (y/n), wait!”

You laughed as you looked over your shoulder and caught a glimpse of the pure shock that adorned Joel’s face.

It wasn’t long until the alpha caught up to you, looking mildly irritated but was hiding his enjoyment horribly.

You couldn’t help the smile that broke out on your face as you raced Joel through the trees, jumping over fallen branches and large rocks. It wasn’t until Joel called out your name that you turned your attention away, not realising the upcoming jump and being launched out of the saddle when Levi jumped over without hesitation.

“(y/n)!” Joel quickly pulled to a stop before dismounting and tried to jog through the thick snow.

The idiot only ended up falling, landing heavily on your stomach, and winding you in the process.

“Jesus,” you wheezed through gasping breaths.

“Fuck, sorry!” Joel looked worried as he propped himself up on his elbow to lessen the weight on you.

It was then that the two of you noticed how close you were. Noses almost touching, breath intermingling, and your lips mere inches apart. You leaned back a little in surprise, your eyes searching Joel’s.

“Running off will get you hurt,” Joel murmured – eyes flittering across your face, taking in every detail.

“You sure about that cowboy?” You teased, amusement glinting in your eyes and your lips pulling back into a soft smile.

“Sure am,” the alpha whispered, watching as your eyes flickered down to his lips. Huffing out a laugh, Joel shifted and brought a hand up to cup your face which was lightly peppered with snow. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered before leaning in and capturing your lips.

Your eyes fluttered closed as you leaned into Joel’s hand, kissing him back slowly and sweetly.

Sliding his tongue across your bottom lip, Joel prodded you to deepen the kiss. Parting your lips, you felt Joel’s tongue languidly slide against your own.

There was no rush, no burning lust, or groping hands. Just the two of you, in the snow, exploring each other’s mouths as you lazily kissed one another.

The tranquil atmosphere caused you to relax and sigh into the kiss, making Joel hum in return.

Gently pulling back and breaking the kiss, Joel let you catch your breath; watching you with soft eyes. You smiled back before Joel got up and offered you his hand.

Taking it, you hauled yourself off the ground before going off to find Levi and making your way back to Jackson. The two of you just absorbing each other’s presence, no words were said and none were needed.

It was just the two of you, side by side as you made your way home.

* * *

The next day you woke up to the smell of something…burning!?

Your eyes shot open and you stumbled out of bed trying to focus your blurry eyes. Blinking to adjust to the light, you saw… Ellie? Or was that Dina?

“Oh, your awake!”

Yup, that was Ellie.

“What’re you doing?” You asked groggily, dragging your feet over to the kitchen.

“Uhh,” Ellie looked off to the side sheepishly, scratching the back of her neck, “I tried to cook…?”

Your eyes followed to where the young alpha was looking, focusing in on a burnt slice of meat… or at least that’s what you thought it was.

You just stared at the charcoal clump of… inedible food, not entirely comprehending what your life was. The only thing that came to your mind was-

“Where’s Joel?” you asked, bringing your hands up to rub at your eyes.

“Apparently he had patrol,” Ellie shrugged, her eyes flitting away from yours.

Sighing, you leveled Ellie with a flat stare, “you are horrible at lying.”

Ellie gawked at you, not believing you were able to see past her. You just rolled your eyes. Being perceptive was always a trait you had carried since you were young, and you picked up pretty quickly that Ellie was always first to break eye contact when she lied.

“I don’t know,” Ellie huffed out, “just asked me to look after you today…” _more like begged,_ Ellie thought.

Well, that…hurt.

You frowned. After your little moment together yesterday, you had noticed things had gone a little awkward. You were internally panicking about not being ready for a relationship or any kind of commitment and Joel had gone awfully quiet - his face blank. Even though you weren’t too sure how to approach Joel afterward, it still stung that he basically ditched you.

“Are…you okay?” Ellie asked, ducking her head slightly to get a better look at you.

“Hmm?” You shook yourself out of your stupor, “yeah I’m fine…How about we go to the mess hall and grab something?”

Ellie looked immediately wary.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’d have to go at some point. Besides, I’ll be helping Maria organise a family event there,” you smiled at Ellie reassuringly.

“Okay,” Ellie gave you a baffled smile but nonetheless led you to the mess hall

* * *

Joel was panicking.

The alpha had barely gotten any sleep last night. After his kiss with you, he started to panic. He barely knew you for fuck’s sake! Groaning in frustration, Joel shook his head. No, that was unfair to you. It was just hormones and being compatible and all that shit. Yeah…

Sighing, Joel brought his fist up to knock on the door in front of him. He needed a consultant.

There was some shuffling on the other side before the door was flung open and revealed the disheveled figure of his brother.

“Joel?” Tommy questioned, squinting his eyes.

“Yeah,”

“Damn, you look like shit,” Tommy’s brows furrowed at the sight of Joel’s scraggly hair, bleary eyes accompanied with dark bags and frown marks adorning his face.

“What’s wrong?” The beta straightened up, concern starting to etch itself onto his features.

“It’s about…(y/n),” Joel sighed, running his hand through his hair, “I took her out for a ride yesterday and well… we- uh had a moment…?”

Tommy tried not to snicker at Joel acting like a starstruck high-schooler, but he couldn’t help but huff out a laugh at the fact that Joel came to _him_ of all people.

“Geez, you really need more friends Joel,” – the comment earned a glare from the alpha – “seriously coming to me of all people is just a horrible idea.”

Joel grumbled, “don’t think I know that?”

The beta observed his brother for a short moment before an idea popped into his mind.

“You look like you need a drink,”

“Couldn’t’ve said it better myself,” Joel said dryly.

Tommy chuckled before the two made their way to the mess hall.

Whiskey in hand, Joel sighed.

“I still don’t see what the big deal is,” Tommy said lightly, taking a sip of his brandy, “I say, you should just try and test the waters out – see if that’s where you wanna go with her,”

Letting out another sigh, Joel slumped further into his seat using his glass to shield his lower face.

“I swear to God, if I hear you sigh another time I _will_ drag you to Maria to sort this shit out,”

The threat caused Joel to let out a low growl.

“Well, what do you want to do then!?” Tommy said exasperatedly, eyebrow twitching.

Joel pouted, “I don’t know,”

“Fuck sake,” Tommy muttered under his breath before turning to fully face his brother, “if your so worried about it then just pretend nothing happened – she’ll either go along with it, take it as a rejection or she’ll throw a fit about it,”

The alpha just groaned, utterly _done_ with his brother. Swinging back the rest of his drink it was then that his eyes caught on a rather _familiar_ figure that caused him to practically choke up his drink.

 _Fuck,_ Joel thought, _why are you here!?_

“Damn, are you okay?” his brother asked, whacking Joel’s back. It was then that he followed Joel’s eyesight and landed on Ellie accompanied by you.

“The fuck are those two doing here?” Joel wheezed. Tommy just raised his brow, catching on to the fact that Joel must’ve left you in Ellie’s care.

“Did you seriously forget that Ellie can’t cook for shit?”

“Fuck”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for misunderstandings and dRaMA!! :))


	11. Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is short!! I've had a writer block for the past few days and ughhh!!!   
> Anyways, I'll try and get another chapter up in the next day or so ;)

Ellie watched in mild amusement as Joel hacked up his drink – Tommy thwacking his back. Though the alpha couldn’t help the slightly jab of betrayal at the fact that Joel had just used her to fuck around in the mess hall.

“I don’t even know what I expected,” Ellie muttered under her breath.

It was then that the alpha turned to you. You were staring towards a table where a familiar set of red curls sat – glaring back at you.

Elijah sat in the corner, along with her gang of nitwits. The beta’s faded black-eye was a constant reminded to not mess with you. Even though Joel had gotten yelled at for giving it to him.

Ellie frowned – remembering how Maria ultimately decided to not force the beta to apologise, saying it was probably better that he’d stay away from you.

The alpha turned her eyes to you and regarded you silently.

Your stance was relaxed – forcibly so. (e/c) eyes filled with regret, anger, and pain and you searched Elijah’s own from across the room.

You must have seen something because you froze.

Ellie decided that was enough and grabbed you by the elbow, dragging you over to the cafeteria line.

“This was a bad idea,” you whispered to Ellie, ignoring the redhead's green eyes boring into the back of your head.

“We’ll be fine,” Ellie said softly, giving your elbow a squeeze, “let’s just get our food and go…okay?”

You nodded robotically.

Ellie watched you shut down – face going blank and eyes devoid of emotion. Sighing quietly, the alpha looked back over to where Tommy and Joel were, only to find a rather exasperated Tommy and no Joel in sight.

* * *

“Fuck,” Joel wheezed.

Tommy sighed after Joel had managed to catch his breath.

“You done yet?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Joel replied.

“Wasn’t talkin’ ‘bout that,” Tommy sassed.

The alpha just raised a brow at his brother.

“You done whining about this shit? You gonna go do something or what?”

“Fuck off,” Joel grumbled, getting up.

“Where _are_ you going?”

“Away,” the alpha replied ominously.

“Can’t avoid her forever!” Tommy called out – only causing Joel to flip him off.

* * *

Joel quickly weaved through the crowds, careful to stick to the sides of the wall – far out of your sight.

Speed walking off to the stables, Joel decided to go pay Mai another visit.

“Tommy just ain’t know what he talkin’ about,” Joel grumbled to the mare once he was in front of Mai’s stable.

The alpha made quick work of hooking Mai up in one of the grooming bays and got to work on brushing her coat.

“I mean, what the fuck does he want me to do!?” Joel ranted angrily, “I ain’t been in that kinda relationship since Sarah’s…”

The alpha sighed, leaning forward and resting his head against the mare’s shoulder.

“And now I’m talking to a fucking horse that has the same name as her dead friend,” that earned an offended snort from the mare and a dry chuckle from Joel.

“Yeah, yeah I bet you’re that alpha’s reincarnation or some shit,” the horse stomped its hoof and ended up digging into Joel’s foot.

“Ouch! Fuck!” Joel said quickly trying to push to horse's weight off of him, “bitch,” the alpha murmured.

“Trouble in paradise?”

Joel turned around.

There stood Dina, looking amused as she leaned against the gate.

“Something like that,” the alpha snorted.

“Can I be of any help?”

“Highly fucking doubt it,”

Dina laughed, “well you gotta tell me the situation to find out!”

Joel remained quiet as he brushed through Mai’s tail.

Sighing, Dina said, “sometimes making people wait can do more harm than good,”

“Don’t know how to approach it,” Joel grunted as he picked up one of the mare’s hooves.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about,” Dina teased.

“Pretty sure you have a good clue,”

“Well, if you’re talking ‘bout what I think you are,” Dina started, “then I’d say just continue on as normal – if you want your relationship to go that way just… how do I explain this?” Dina paused – thinking, before shrugging the thought off, “I say just do what feels right,”

“That is a lot easier said than done,”

“Maybe, but just try it,” Dina encouraged before going on her way.

Joel sighed – why was this shit so hard? 

* * *

_Elijah and Milo sat on the couch chatting away as you and Riyana hauled the dead deer through the entrance._

_“We win!” You announced excitedly._

_Both Milo and Elijah looked suspiciously giddy._

_Riyana narrowed her eyes, “what’re y’all up to?”_

_Milo snorted before pointing to their little pile of dead rabbits._

_“The fuck is_ that _s’pose to mean?” You asked – raising a brow._

_“We won,” Elijah smirked at the two gaping girls, “we got the most food!”_

_Milo cheered before high-fiving Elijah. You just rolled your eyes._

_“Our deer is worth more than 5 rabbits.”_

_Riyana nodded alongside you._

_“Nope,” Milo said cheekily, “you only got one catch; we got five – so we win!”_

_“What!?” You shouted - glaring at the two boys, “that’s cheating!”_

_“You never stated the requirements,” Elijah shrugged smugly._

_“That’s no fair!” Riyana whined childishly._

_“Yea it is!” Milo countered._

_“No it ain’t!”_

_“Is so!”_

_“Is not-“_

_“What is all the ruckus about?” Isaac yawned as he padded into the main room._

_Milo smiled as the man leaned over the couch and gave him a peck on the lips._

_“Gross,” you said – throwing your shirt at the two._

_“Hey! I ain’t need your sweaty-ass top!!” Milo cried – trying the throw the shirt back at you._

_“I’m just surprised she managed to hit you,” Riyana snickered from behind you._

_You turned to Riyana with a gasp – feigning betrayal, “how you wound me!” you cried dramatically as you clutched your chest._

_“Shut up!” A voice rang out from the bedroom._

_You all giggled – Cherry was_ not _a morning person._

* * *

You opened your eyes…

Even though most of your time spent with your pack was filled with wonderful memories… it had been so long since you had re-lived one that wasn’t a nightmare.

Your chest throbbed at the reminder of a time that used to be.

Taking in a deep breath, you hoisted yourself out of bed.

Shuffling into the kitchen you bumped into-

“Joel?”

“Morning,” came the gruff reply, “how’d you sleep?”

“Okay…”

You rubbed at your eyes, wondering if this was an illusion. It wasn’t.

You sort of just… stared at the alpha. Not too sure what to do.

Joel shoved a plate in your hands before grabbing his own and marching to the TV, flicking on some weird-looking action movie.

“Seriously?” You asked as you joined him on the couch.

“What?”

“That CGI is terrible! How can you stand it!?”

Joel looked mildly offended, “it was very good for its time and it has a great plot!”

“Sure,” you snorted.

You weren’t too sure how, but after you had both finished eating – you found yourself snuggled up against Joel’s side.

“I bought some wood for your paintings,” the alpha said softly – resisting the urge to try and run his fingers through your hair.

“Thanks,” you said softly, turning to look up at Joel.

The air almost immediately started to get heated.

“What is this…?” You whispered as you felt yourself lean towards Joel.

“Honestly?” Joel paused, “I have no clue,” he whispered before leaning in and once again capturing your lips.


	12. By My Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not doing any in between posts again, just been really busy lately. Hopefully, I'll get on top of my workload soon...when I stop being lazy lol.

“No, no – you’ve gotta blend here and then create some texture over here,” you laughed as you directed Ellie on how to paint the landscape in front of you.

“This is so hard!” Ellie whined.

“You’re doing better than me!” Dina quipped, “my painting ain’t even looking like anything”

You smiled, “it doesn’t hafta look like anything! There were many famous paintings that didn’t hold any form”

Dina huffed.

You laughed before going back to your own canvas.

“What’s going on with you and Joel by the way?” Dina asked – earning her a questioning look and prompting her to continue, “I’m bored and you guys seem a lot closer,” the beta shrugged.

“There’s no label – if that’s what you’re asking,” you sighed.

“I’m pretty sure kissing in the stable counts for _something_ ” Dina teased, causing you to splutter.

There was a clatter of brushes hitting the ground and you and Dina looked over to Ellie whom appeared entirely shell-shocked – startling a laugh from you.

“So?” Dina prodded.

“You ain’t gonna let this go are you?”

“Nope!”

You sighed, “I don’t know… As I said before we haven’t really put a label on it,”

“You had sex yet?”

“OH MY GOD DINA!!” Ellie screeched, covering her ears, “I do _not_ need those images in my head!”

Dina was cackling and you looked mildly horrified at the prospect.

Ellie shuddered – the last thing needed was to think about Joel doing… _that._

You blushed.

“Aw! You’re blushing,” Dina cooed.

You and Ellie seemed to mutually decided then and there to shove Dina off of her stool.

“Ack!”

“And I’m out,” you said, walking back into your house.

“Same,” Ellie said blandly – following you.

Of course, when the two of you pushed through the front door Joel was there.

“Morning,” he greeted.

Both you and Ellie completely avoided eye contact with the alpha.

When Dina trailed in after and got a questioning look from Joel she just burst out laughing again.

* * *

“(y/n),” Maria started – making you look up from the paperwork in front of you, “what’s wrong?”

“What?” You asked, utterly confused.

Maria just shot you an unimpressed look, “you’ve been fidgeting non-stop, look like you’re about to bolt at a moment’s notice and you reek of anxiety.”

You wrinkled your nose at the thought, before sighing, “it’s nothing really.”

“Sometimes nothing can mean everything,” Maria said wistfully, finally putting down her pen and giving you her full attention.

“I’m not even gonna ask.”

“I’m guessing it’s about Joel?”

You groaned, letting your head smack down onto the table, “what is up with everyone and Joel today!?”

“I’ll take that as a yes,” in response Maria just got a mumbled gargle of words, “want to speak properly?”

You huffed, turning your head slightly so you could look at Maria.   
“I don’t know where I stand, nor what he wants out of this,” you grumbled.

The alpha hummed in thought.

“So you want to be able to label your relationship?”

You sighed, sitting back upright, “not exactly. I think having a label will just put pressure on this… but I’d like to know where I stand and what I can and can’t do. I also just wanna know what Joel wants out of this. Cause I don’t want to be just a toy.”

Maria laughed at that, “believe me hun, he ain’t think of you like that,” the alpha smiled gently at you, “I wouldn’t be surprised if Joel is feeling the same way – he’s not exactly the best with this stuff, romantic or not. So why don’t you just do what you want? You’ll just have to move around each other and adjust to one another. It’s probably the easiest way to find out where you stand… That or you could talk about it – but I have a feeling both of you would prefer not to.”

You snorted at the last comment before thinking over this for a while – letting it sink in.

“Yeah, I think you’re right,” you flashed Maria a smile, “thanks.”

“Anytime. Now, back to work – this event is s’pose to be happening this weekend!”

* * *

Maria’s words rang through your head as you made your way to the mess hall with Ellie.

It didn’t escape your notice that you were pretty much escorted everywhere. As much as you would like to argue and complain that you were a grown as woman and didn’t need babysitting, you were pretty sure they wouldn’t hold back their arguments either.

You sighed.

“What’s up?” Ellie asked.

The two of you still had a bit of an awkward tension around you after Dina’s comment. You were pretty sure it was because Ellie was pretty much Joel’s adopted daughter, despite how much she denied it.

“Life,” you drawled bitterly.

“Well that’s dramatic,” Ellie rolled her eyes at your ominous response.

“I live for theatrics,” you supplied – earning another eye roll.

The two of you continued to walk in silence till the mess hall came into view.

“How’s the planning going?” Ellie asked – albeit a little awkwardly.

You decided to take pity on the alpha, even though you weren’t exactly great when it came to navigating your way through most social interactions.

“It’s going good – finally managed to convince Maria to let them serve alcohol.”

Ellie blinked, “really?”

“Yup,” you grinned at Ellie.

“I thought it was s’pose to be a family event?” Ellie narrowed her eyes at you suspiciously – almost no one could convince Maria on anything.

“Oh it is,” you chirped, “but I need alcohol if imma show up.”

 _Ah,_ Ellie thought, _that makes sense._ I

It didn’t take a genius to notice your discomfort when it came to crowds. But Ellie was glad to hear that you’d be coming.

It was as you rounded the corner to the mess hall’s entrance, that Dina stomped out angrily with Jesse shouting after her. The beta hadn’t noticed either you nor Ellie, but looked rather upset.

“What was that all about?” You raised your brow in questioning towards Ellie, who just shrugged.

“My money’s on another break-up,” the alpha quipped.

“Wait they’re together!?”

“You didn’t know?” Ellie asked incredulously.

“No!” You exclaimed.

The alpha just snorted at you.

“They’ve been dating on and off for a while now,” Ellie supplied.

You just hummed.

“Wanna make a bet?” Ellie asked.

“What on?” You replied skeptically.

“How long it takes those two to get back together,”

“And what exactly are we using to bet?”

Ellie paused, thinking this over.

“Painting lessons,” she finally settled on.

“Okay, and what do I get?”

“Bragging rights,” Ellie shrugged.

“You’re so gonna regret that,” you snorted.

“You sure about that?” Ellie teased.

You smirked, “my money’s on them not getting back together,”

“Wha-” Ellie looked rather surprised by your answer, before her shock melted into a smug smirk, “I bet two weeks max.”

“May the best man win!” You announced as you stuck your hand out.

“You bet,” Ellie grinned, wrapping her hand around yours and giving is a firm shake.

 _Oh Ellie_ , you thought, _if only you knew._

* * *

You had seen the way Dina had started to look at Ellie.

As you had gotten to know the two it was obvious that Ellie liked Dina more than a friend and that the beta was taking the alpha’s hesitance and mixed signals in a different way. But you saw that the two had started to grow… closer, in a sense.

The ‘flirting’ you had witnessed when they had first stumbled upon you must’ve been new, as it seemed to only double-fold and strengthen as the two spent more time together.

It was funny really – how easy it was for you to read others. If only you could understand your own feelings more, you mused as you watched Joel delicately carve the block of wood in front of him.

You were in Joel’s little studio – windows open to help air out the small room – and the two of you were doing your own thing. Joel was carving at his desk and you had your paints set out and your make-shift canvas in front of you.

These little ‘art sessions’ – as you dubbed them – had started two days ago. It was a suggestion of Joel’s and you honestly quite enjoyed your time just basking in his presence as you delicately marred the pristine ‘canvas’ with coloured paint.

But you couldn’t focus at the moment. Your thoughts running rampant - constantly fighting the urge to fidget or pace around the room.

You could feel your heat itch at the back of your mind – but your omega still didn’t feel entirely safe… not after the Elijah fiasco. It was honestly a relief, because heats scared you.

You didn’t like being out of control. Heats not only forcefully made you surrender that control, but also caused you – or, well, your omega – to act blindly on both instinct and feeling.

Despite you always feeling rather in tune with your omega, you knew that said omega had no fucking shame and would probably bloody well jump Joel. A situation you would _love_ to avoid the second-hand embarrassment of.

“You okay there?”

You jumped at the sound of Joel’s voice – narrowly avoiding falling off your chair.

“Yup! Just great,” you chirped.

“Pretty sure last time I heard you say that, you had stabbed Jesse,” Joel said, amusement shining through his eyes.

Asshole.

“I’m doing just fine, excuse you,” you sassed back.

Joel chuckled and you could feel your omega preening at the fact you had elicited such a beautiful sound.

“Fuck,” you grumbled as you shook you head.

“You gonna tell me what’s wrong?” Joel now had his full attention on you his head resting in his hand and his body angled away from his workbench.

“Just my omega,” you sighed.

Joel’s brow creased, “you okay? Is your heat coming? Do you need anything?”

The sudden onslaught of questions shocked you but you took it in stride – ignoring your fucking omega that was having a ball over the alpha’s concern.

“Nah, probably will come soon – but I don’t think it will for another week or so.”

Joel nodded his head – seemingly in a daze – before snapping back to attention.

“Wanna go for a walk?” The alpha suddenly asked.

“Sure…?” You replied hesitantly, but Joel was practically already out of the door.

 _Weird,_ you thought.

* * *

The two of you were walking aimlessly around town.

Your chatter had died down and you were now walking in a comfortable silence. You felt your hand brush against Joel occasionally and each time Maria’s words rang through your head.

_You’ll adjust to one another._

You closed your eyes and sucked in a deep breath before reaching out and bumping your hand against Joel’s again and before your hand fell away again you quickly laced your fingers together. There was no reaction from Joel expect for a quirk in his lips as he gave your hand a squeeze.

“Hey, Joel?” You called softly.

The alpha hummed in acknowledgment.

“Wanna go to the event with me this weekend?”

“You asking me out?” Joel tilted his head towards you, his eyes shining with emotions you couldn’t place.

“Sure am cowboy,” you quipped, acting far more confident than you felt.

“Okay,” the alpha shrugged, “I’m looking forward to it.”

It was then that Joel flashed you a grin which had your heart fluttering and blood rushing to your cheeks.

You shoved Joel with your shoulder and mumbled, “idiot”, under your breath as you continued to walk aimlessly with the alpha by your side.


	13. Drunken Truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WhOopZ... Sorry, this is late. I have been all over the bloody place and have had a wonderful writer's block yAY

You groaned at the light flooding into your room. Your head was pounding and you had to fight down the urge to throw up.

Your memories were hazy.

From what you could remember, you and Joel had ended up stealing a bottle of vodka from the mess hall and had decided to play truth or drink – or whatever the fuck Joel had called it – when you had made it back to your place.

It got hazy from there fast.

The game was honestly a stupid idea since both you and Joel were rather private people and basically, at every question, each of you were downing shots. You were pretty sure after that the game had gotten more interesting as you tended to get loose-lipped when you drank – but you wouldn’t know because you couldn’t fucking remember!

Damn you and your stupid competitive streak, cause the damn minute Joel had the _gall_ to insinuate that you were a coward you soon found yourself sitting at the table pouring drinks.

You went to roll off the bed, only to be pulled back. Frowning, you cursed your bed for not letting you leave.

“Stop moving,” a voice murmured from behind you, pulling you back again. You froze – so at least their request was fulfilled… for approximately 3 seconds.

You screeched before forcefully flinging yourself out of the grip and ended up tangled in the sheets on the ground, and god that wasn’t a good idea.

Your stomach rolled and it was like you could _feel_ the colour draining from your face. Funnily enough, you managed to haul ass to the bathroom before completely losing whatever the fuck was in your stomach and emptying it all into the bathtub… Nice.

“That was elegant,” the voice – you now recognised it as Joel’s – snarked from the doorway behind you.

You couldn’t stop retching, but somewhere in between your gasping for breath and drowning in your own stomach fluids you managed to tell Joel to fuck off – no matter how weak and chocked off it sounded.

Either way, it was an achievement in your opinion.

“You ain’t looking much better over there cowboy,” you rasped, voice hoarse from your stomach acids burning your throat and your mouth was as dry as a desert. You watched Joel lazily from where you were draped awkwardly over the bathtub.

“Probably feeling better than you since I chucked everything up last night,” Joel would probably look much more smug with himself if he weren’t as drained as you.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever asshat.”

You pushed yourself slowly up off the ground and turned on the shower to let your… fluids wash down the drain.

Pushing past the alpha, you ambled over to your kitchen, grabbing out a bowl and some milk.

“Want some cereal?” You offered Joel.

“Nah,” the alpha sat down in front of you, “you sure you’re gonna be able to keep that down?”

You paused.

Good point.

Even though you were hungry, you couldn’t really stand the thought of ending back up in the bathroom.

Sighing, you put everything away before flopping down on the seat next to Joel, groaning dramatically as you rested your sweaty head against the cool marble of the kitchen bench.

After a few minutes, you felt Joel’s hand running itself along your back.

“What’re you doing?” You mumbled.

There was no answer but you didn’t mind. Your body was sore and tired after going against gravity and Joel’s fingers quickly worked away your muscle knots.

You were so content that you couldn’t help the whine that bubbled up in your chest when those hands suddenly stopped. Grumbling, you opened your eyes to look back at Joel only to see his face painted in surprise. Frowning, you took a minute to come back to your senses and it was then that you realised that you were _purring._

You probably would’ve felt way more embarrassed by it, but you were tired and didn’t have the energy to rein back your omega so you just whined again and that managed to spur Joel on to continue his impromptu massage.

* * *

Joel could feel the vibrations rattling your chest and traveling down his arms. Honestly, he was quite surprised that you had started to purr.

It wasn’t necessarily _rare_ for an omega to purr but it was usually a more intimate reaction saved for family and loved ones. To say that you felt comfortable enough to purr in front of the alpha… Well, you could imagine that Joel’s alpha was on cloud nine.

Joel couldn’t get that melodic sound out of his head, even hours after your quiet morning together.

The alpha could remember the night decently well, all things considering. But he’s pretty sure that at some point he had spilled something that hadn’t wanted to… But he couldn’t remember. Hopefully, you couldn’t either.

You had shared memories and times of your travels around with your pack and Joel had shared some about his and Ellie’s travels around the country.

At some point, he was pretty sure that you two had started to have a rant about humanity and society as a whole. Surprisingly, you were rather wise and open-minded to different opinions and ideals, but also stuck to your guns when it came to instinct and your own experiences. You were head-strong and were more than happy to rant to Joel about everything under the sun.

Even though parts had gotten hazy with how quick you both were downing shots, it was a relatively fun night.

“You look beat,”

Joel turned his attention to his brother, who looked equal amounts amused and concerned.

The alpha just hummed in answer.

“Imma presume you two were the ones who stole that bottle of vodka,” Tommy mused as you watched his brother shrug.

_Perhaps this is our punishment for thinking we were above the laws of nature – that we had beaten the system._

Your words from last night had rung out through Joel’s head… they were bothering him. Joel didn’t exactly believe in karma, too busy trying to keep himself alive to worry about the significance of his actions. But your words kept pestering him.

“What do you think about karma?” Joel asked his brother.

“Uh… Where’d this come from?” The beta questioned, confusion evident on his face.

“(y/n) said something last night, just been bothering me,” Joel shrugged as he continued to help Tommy dismantle the pile of guns in front of them – checking to see if anything needed fixing.

“Oh? Do tell,”

“She asked whether this was our punishment – the infection that is. Wondered if it happened because we thought that we were above the laws of nature,” the alpha pause, “I dunno, it’s been bothering me is all.”

“Hmm,” Tommy leaned down and rested his head in his hand, “why don’t you ask her? Because to me, it could be karma or it could just be insinuating that this was just a wakeup call that we _aren’t_ above nature or whatever,” the beta said as he waved his hand around.

“Pretty sure she ain’t remember much from last night,” Joel grunted.

Tommy shrugged, “ain’t mean she doesn’t got the same ideals.”

“True…” the alpha frowned, “I think she’ll be going into heat soon.”

Tommy’s brows rose.

“First of all, Imma ignore that blatant change of subject” – Joel rolled his eyes - “Secondly, why?”

“Scent’s been getting’ stronger and she was purring this morning.”

“That could’ve just been the alcohol,” Tommy pointed out.

“Better safe than sorry,” Joel shrugged.

* * *

Well, Joel was definitely right as your scent was rather powerful as you walked around town doing chores with Dina.

Your skin was itchy and you felt flushed.

“Hey, you okay?” Dina inquired when you had stopped dead in your tracks.

“Yeah, just- heat…?”

The beta frowned.

“Do you need to stop? Go to the infirmary? Should I tell Jo-”

Dina stopped when you had raised your hand to silence her.

“I’m fine,” you insisted – ignoring the slight wheeze in your voice, “I can keep going.”

That just earnt a raised brow and a flat look from the beta.

“I ain’t wanna deal with you getting jumped again,”

You snorted, “I won-”

“(y/n)!”

Your knees had buckled and you grabbed at your throbbing head – fuck drinking was a terrible idea.

_I couldn’t tell her-_

You frowned at the bleary voice.

_She-… died_

That sounded like Joel… What the fuck!?

_St Mary’s… Didn’t have a choice –_

* * *

_You and Joel were sprawled on opposite sides of the coffee table. Shot glasses were scattered around the room and at some point one of you had thrown one against the wall, leaving a puddle of glass on the floor._

_“Your turn,” Joel said – he was starting to look a little queasy, which was fair as you two had been downing shots for the better half of an hour._

_You hummed in thought as you looked away from the alpha for a moment._

_Images, voices, and memories flooded your brain and then-_

_“What happened between you and Ellie?”_

_Silence._

_The alpha didn’t even reach for his shot glass, just sat there – stunned._

_“Are you o-”_

_“She’s immune,” the alpha rasped, causing you to tilt your head in confusion._

_“To the infection?”_

_“Yeah…” the two of you sat in silence for a moment, absorbing the information._

_“…How did you know?” You whispered – you couldn’t imagine having that fear of one of your pack members. At least Mai made things easier for you in some respects._

_“Got a job from the Fireflies to smuggle a little girl. Got caught at the border and then she was scanned and we found out she was infected – had been for three weeks apparently.”_

_You nodded your head, even though Joel’s eyes weren’t on you._

_Perhaps if you weren’t so drunk you’d be panicking._

_“We traveled halfway across the country together,” Joel’s voice starting to get a little hoarse, “I-we… I had kind of pushed all of my past away. But I guess she just reminded me so much of Sarah in some ways and the next thing I knew we were going on this crazy mission to go find the Fireflies.”_

_You cocked your head to the side, “what d’ya mean?”_

_“Military had gunned down all the people we were s’posed to meet at the rendezvous. Basically ended up going on this big hunt for the remaining Fireflies.”_

_You hummed in acknowledgment and let Joel continue._

_“Either way, we found them… They were actually gonna make a cure. This would’ve all been over… But I didn’t let them and when she woke up in that car”- you heard Joel’s breath hitch before he shakily exhaled – “I couldn’t tell her… Because if they went through with the surgery… If they were to make a cure… It would’ve killed her. She would’ve died,” the alpha rasped, his scent starting to get thick with sadness – you released some of your own pheromones in hopes to help relax the tired man before you._

_Joel sighed._

_“I couldn’t leave her there. I couldn’t lose someone else… So I took her and fled…_ FUCK!” _Joel shouted and pounded his fist into the ground – causing you to jump, “they didn’t even_ ask _her. She was just going to die on a table, with no idea…”_

_The alpha had gone quiet._

_You pocked your head over the table to see if Joel had finally passed out. He hadn’t. Instead, his eyes were trained on the ceiling as he completely ignored the water running from them._

_Your omega whimpered at the sight and before you had realised, you had rounded the little table and were in front of the alpha, blocking out his view of the ceiling._

_“A while ago she went back…” Joel rasped, “she found tapes, bodies…”_

_Sighing the alpha sat upwards, ending with his lap full of you._

_You brought your hand up to gently wipe away the stray tears as you patiently waited for him to finish._

_“She had snuck out in the middle of the night. God. I was so worried,” Joel leaned into your palm, “…She demanded to know what happened and… and I told her and- you should’ve seen her. She was so upset – so hurt. I… She’s stayed distant ever since and… I don’t know what to do, because I would’ve done the same thing a hundred times over if it meant she would’ve lived.”_

_You huffed out a laughed._

_“What?”_

_“You’re such a sap,” you smiled before you let your face drift into something more solemn. “But I understand.”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“Yeah, I do. Perhaps this is our punishment for thinking we were above the laws of nature – that we had beaten the system. Perhaps we were naïve. But you should always remember,” -you said softly as you brushed some stray hair behind Joel’s ear -“that trust is both strong and fragile. You had broken hers, and while I would’ve probably done the same thing, it will take time to rebuild. She has to learn to accept this and move on – whether that be with or without you… I know it hurts, but she’s alive Joel. You’re the reason that she is. All you can do for her is be there, okay?”_

_Joel didn’t respond, only wrapped his arms around your mid-section – dragging you closer – before burying his face if your neck._

_“Thank you,” he whispered against your skin._

_“Anytime cowboy,”_

_Joel chuckled, lifting his face from the juncture of your shoulder._

_“You know what?”_

_“Hmm?”_

_“I think I’m in love with you.”_

_You chuckled, leaning forward so your heads were pressed together._

_“Yeah?”_

_“Yeah,” the alpha breathed before leaning in and-_


	14. Forever Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wHoA! I managed to squeeze out another chapter through my amazing lack of motivation. I is the pRoUdNeSs

_“You know what?”_

_“Hmm?”_

_“I think I’m in love with you.”_

_You chuckled, leaning forward so your heads were pressed together._

_“Yeah?”_

_“Yeah,” the alpha breathed before leaning in and capturing your lips. You let out a quiet moan as your mouths danced together, Joel’s hands sliding down your sides to rest at your hips before dipping under the hem of your shirt._

_It was then that the alpha’s words fully registered and you slowly pulled back. Your eyes watered and your emotions were clashing._

_You were scared. Scared to love, to be loved; and terrified of getting hurt again. You were happy, so happy, at the fact that the gorgeous man before you loved you._

_Part of you was angry at the words. Frustrated at the enigma of a human being before you and irritated at your omega for lapping up the words like a horny bitch. On the other hand, you were sad. Thinking that the alcohol was just talking and it hurt – more than you thought it would._

_But it hurt so much more than anything else. It was like your heart was being ripped out from your throat. You head throbbed and you chest ached. All because-_

_“I was there,” you whispered hoarsely._

_Joel’s brows furrowed in confusion, “Wha-?”_

_“I was there,” you stated firmly, banging your fist against Joel’s chest before fisting the fabric between your fingers. “When you saved Ellie, I was part of the Fireflies,” you croaked, “I was there.”_

_Joel looked shell-shocked, but you cut him off before he could think of anything to say._

_“I was talking to Marlene about stopping the surgery, because- fuck Joel, she was just a kid, not a fucking petri dish,” you voice was thick as tears steadily streamed down your face, “but th-there was gunshots and I ran off to go”- you broke off in a hiccup – “I had to go find the rest of my pack Joel… I couldn’t lose any more of them, but-“ you choked on a sob as you started to cry in earnest - your chest heaving._

_It took a while, but after a few minutes, you felt Joel wrap his arms around you, his hand cradling your head to his neck._

_“I’m sorry,” the alpha rasped._

_“I-I know…I would’ve done the same as you- but-but… it_ hurts _…”_

* * *

You jolted awake.

Your breathing was uneven and upon bringing your hand to your face, it came away wet with tears you hadn’t noticed were there.

Sucking in a deep, wobbly breath, you flung your legs over the edge of the bed and just sat there for a minute.

It was then that everything truly hit you. The gunshots, the screams, the tears, and the pain. You felt a sob heave through your chest, it hurt so much. You started to grasp fruitlessly at your chest in a weak attempt to relieve the pain that constricted your lungs.

It hurt so much more that it was Joel.

The kind, socially inept man that you had found yourself able to rely on in your few weeks of being here.

It hurt.

_It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hur-_

Arms were grabbing at yours, trying to pry your hands away from your face.

_Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop i-_

Your body felt numb as pain thrummed through it in waves. Eyes puffy and leaking, hands trembling and heart hammering.

Those hands wouldn’t leave you alone.

_It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it –_

Voices seemed to flood you from all directions. It was loud – so _loud._ You just wanted it to stop.

_Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop –_

“STOP IT!” You screamed as you violent jerked away from the hands and scrambled back onto the bed, hitting the wall.

Your chest was rising quickly.

_In, out, in, out, in-_

You blinked away the remaining tears blurring your vision and focused on a sacred-looking Dina.

The two of you sat there, staring at each other for an inconceivable amount of time. Dina looked rather shook and you were just trying to fucking _breathe._

“Sorry,” you rasped out, your voice scratching at your dry throat.

“I-it’s okay,” Dina said quietly, her eyes brimming with concern.

Your hands were still shaking and when Dina moved to get up from her position on the ground, you flinched away.

The beta stopped and watched you for a moment.

“I’ll go get Joel-”

“No!” You cried out. You could feel the fear swimming through your eyes and you knew Dina could see it.

Her brows furrowed but she didn’t say nor do anything more. Instead, she made her way back to the kitchen and finished cooking… whatever she was cooking – your eyes following her every movement.

A little while later, Dina came back to you – her steps slow and cautious, like she was approaching a wild animal. In her hands was a large bowl and it smelt _heavenly_.

“What is it?” You croaked out as you looked down at the colourful dish.

“Shakshuka,” the beta replied easily, “my sister taught me how to make it, though mine’s not as good. I didn’t have all of the spices so…”

You smiled at the girl and stuffed a spoonful of the dish into your mouth. Your eyes alighted with excitement as the fervent taste danced across your tongue.

“This is amazing!”

“Really?” Dina smiled awkwardly at your compliment, not completely believing you.

You just nodded excitedly before devouring the rest of the dish – the beta laughing at your enthusiasm.

Once you finished, the two of you sat in silence, the bowl sitting in your lap whilst you waited for Dina to ask that question you could just _see_ she wanted to ask.

“(y/n)…?”

“Hm?”

The beta’s brows furrowed and she looked away briefly before looking back at you, concern coarsen through her body.

“Are you okay?”

You snorted.

“Never have been,” you cringed slightly at the withering look Dina sent you.

Carefully placing the ceramic bowl on your nightstand you turned back to fully face Dina.

You weren’t exactly sure how much she knew about Joel or Ellie, so you decided to keep quiet about it.

“I just… have to come to some terms,” you sighed. “It’s nothing to worry about, I’ll get over it.”

You offered Dina a strained smile.

Thankfully the beta didn’t push.

* * *

You spent the next day holed up in your house, refusing to leave and ignoring anyone and everyone who was at the door – including Joel… _especially_ Joel.

Dina had tried to pry out more information from you from the few times you had let her in to cook you some meals, but was overall unsuccessful.

Honestly, you weren’t doing much, just letting your omega once again grieve for a lost pack.

You spent most of your time going over old drawings and making some new ones of your fellow packmates – it hurt to think that you couldn’t remember their faces properly if it wasn’t for your detailed sketches.

Boredom wrapped around you like a cape, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to leave your home, your safe place. You didn’t want to face anything. You didn’t want to face any of it. You didn’t want anything to change, but you also couldn’t just toss your memories of those you loved to the side either.

God, you were such a coward.

An open sketchbook lay in your lap and you gazed down at the drawing of Isaac squatting down in front of a scruffy cat. The man had named the cat after his mother, Leah.

* * *

_You trudged out from the bedroom._

_It was early in the morning and you knew only one other person who would be up at this time._

_Stumbling around, you made your way upstairs and saw Isaac._

_There, a scruffy, grey tabby cat, stood purring and rubbing itself along Isaac’s legs._

_The man let out a huff of laughter at the feline as he bent down to place the new food on the ground, earning himself a happy meow before Leah went to scoff down the grilled fish in front of her._

_“Mornin’” You greeted as you made your way over to the pair and flopped down onto the couch next to Isaac._

_“Hey,” the omega mumbled before resting his head on your shoulder._

_Snickering at the action, you gave the dark-skinned man a light elbow._

_“Imagine if Milo saw us. He might just think you’re cheatin’ on him,” you snarked – earning a much harsher elbow to the ribs from Isaac, causing you to guffaw._

_“I’m as straight as a noodle,” the man grumbled._

_You laughed, “you’re definitely as flimsy as one,” you remarked as you poked the man’s lanky arms._

_“Like you can talk.”_

_You huffed before the two of you settle down again, watching Leah much away at her food._

_“Hey (y/n)?”  
“Yeah?”_

_It was quiet for a long time. You thought Isaac wasn’t going to say anything before-_

_“…I think I may be pregnant.”_

_Everything went silent._

_“Uh… should I congratulate you or freak out?”_

_The other omega shrugged before grumbling out something._

_“What was that?” You asked as you leaned closer._

_“I think I want to keep it…”_

_You shrugged, “okay then,”_

_Isaac regarded you suspiciously, “really?”_

_“It’s not my choice to make, if you don’t want Mai to abort it then that’s your choice. You know that we’ll support you either way.”_

_Isaac smiled, before settling back again._

_“Thanks,”_

_“You welcome.”_

If only life were so easy…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a tad short, but I couldn't really figure out how I wanted to end it...so mEh


	15. To Hurt and To Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut ahead~~

Joel was frustrated.

It hadn’t escaped the alpha’s notice that you were avoiding him and he just couldn’t figure out _why_.

He thought back to your drunken endeavor and wondered if you remembered something he didn’t, but he couldn’t be sure, so he was just going to have to ask.

The alpha had tried talking to Dina, but the beta claimed to know as much as him with a shrug of her shoulders.

Honestly, Joel was getting to the point where he was starting to get pissed.

Trudging through the snow, Joel made his way to your place – intent on getting answers… for the sixth time.

Every time the alpha tried to get you to just open the damn _door,_ you would go eerily quiet – as if you weren’t home.

Joel sighed.

He had thought that things were going well. Maybe that drinking game wasn’t the best of ideas; but either way, Joel was pretty sure that there was nothing that he could’ve said to scare you off. Even if he had told you about Ellie, he was sure that it wouldn’t cause such a cold shoulder.

Not too soon, Joel found himself standing in front of your door, fist raised, ready to knock.

Taking in a deep breath, he rapped his knuckles on the wood three times and waited. When there was no response he spoke up.

“(y/n)…? It’s me,”

There was no answer.

Joel waited for a little longer, but when it seemed evident that you weren’t going to open the door he turned around.

Only to be bodily pulled back into your abode.

* * *

You were crouched on the sofa. Thoughts running a mile an hour and guilt slowly eating away at you.

A half-eaten plate of food was perched on the coffee table in front of you, and your sketchbook was wide open as you gazed down at a drawing of Ellie’s tattoo.

Sighing, you closed the book and went back to place it on the shelf.

You weren’t sure what to do about the Joel-problem (as you so smartly dubbed it). The problem was that you just couldn’t seem to wrap your head around the fact that Joel had wound up killing your three remaining pack members. Another issue was that, despite that, you still loved Joel.

Though when Joel had basically saved Ellie, you two were strangers. You’d somewhat hesitantly came to accept the fact that back then, you were both different people and that, that shouldn’t affect your relationship _now._

Sighing, you flopped back down onto the couch.

The thing is, you didn’t want to tell Joel – but he deserved to know, as much as your dead pack mates deserved the right to be remembered. It was just something that you were going to have to pull through, and unfortunately talking seemed to be the only answer.

You’d tried to drag your feet to Joel’s place, but every time you put your hand on the door handle, you froze. Anxiety would drape itself across your shoulders like a cape and apprehension would settle deep within your chest. You didn’t want to lose what you had… but you also couldn’t just continue how things were.

There was a knock on the door and you tensed.

“(y/n)…it’s me,”

The baritone voice of Joel rang through the room.

You felt yourself starting to sweat, your nerves getting the better of you.

_Goddammit! Didn’t I just decide I’d have to do this at some point regardless?_

The sound of rustling registered and you realised that Joel was going to leave. You felt your omega whine at the prospect and before you knew it you had thrown open the door, grabbed Joel’s wrist, and violently tugged him inside.

Then your actions caught up to your brain… Wonderful.

The two of you stood staring at each other. Joel looked surprised, relieved, and wary all at once and you… well, you weren’t too sure what to feel.

“Hi,” you mumbled softly, averting your eyes

“Hey,”

God, you missed that voice. If only this situation wasn’t so awkward.

You could feel your shoulders gradually tensing under Joel’s gaze. _This was a horrible idea,_ you deducted.

“How are you?” you asked, straining to sound vaguely cheerful as you turned around and headed to the kitchen to make something. You weren’t sure what, but you just needed something to do.

“I think I should be asking you that,” Joel’s voice was tight with apprehension and when you glanced back at the alpha, his posture was forcefully calm – caution oozed from his presence.

“I’ve been better,” was the answer you settled on as you turned back to the kitchen and pulled some flour and sugar off of the shelf.

“I can believe that,” Joel said as he shuffled further into the house and sat on one of the stools in front of the kitchen bench.

You hummed as you traveled to the fridge and pulled out some butter, eggs, and milk.

“You still going to that family event?”

You paused.

You had forgotten about that. It was tomorrow too.

“They have alcohol, so I guess so,” you shrugged as you grabbed some measuring cups and proceeded to weigh all of your ingredients.

“I don’t think that’s a very good idea,” Joel said.

Your eyes flicked up to his and you could see the anxiety pooling in them. Guilt pawed at your chest.

 _Why was this so hard,_ you thought as you sighed to yourself and grabbed a wooden spoon.

It was silent for a while. Joel watched you make your way around the kitchen as you made cookies.

“So what have you been up to?” You asked – the silence was grating on your nerves.

“Trying to get a hold of you,” Joel said evenly.

You winced as you pushed the cookie tray into the oven, almost burning yourself in the process.

“Ah,” you replied articulately.

Joel sighed – a sound so defeated that it immediately drew your eyes to the alpha. He looked so _tired_.

“(y/n), cut the crap,” Joel’s voice was coloured with a pleading tone and you felt your shoulders drop.

“Okay…” you whispered as you stood there, looking at the floor and wringing your hands in front of you.

Joel hadn’t seen you so vulnerable – despite all that has happened. You looked so _small_. It just made the alpha worry even more.

“What’s wrong?” Joel questioned seriously.

You hesitated before answering.

“You told me about Ellie...” you trailed off and turned your head to look to the front door, unconsciously looking for an escape.

Joel regarded you for a moment.

“Okay…and?”

You swallowed thickly, feeling your throat tightening and your eyes prick with tears.

You shook your head.

Joel got up slowly, keeping his movement open and slow. Once the alpha was in front of you, he gently grabbed your shoulder before using his other hand to gently grasp your chin and catch your eyes.

“I can’t help you if I don’t know… or, well, remember in this case,” Joel said, casting you a small, lopsided grin.

You let out a wet laugh at Joel’s stupid attempt at lightening the mood. Taking a deep breath, you looked right into Joel’s hazel eyes and steeled yourself for whatever response you were to receive.

“I was there,” you rasped, watching Joel’s features with a critical eye and, upon receiving a confused frown, you continued, “when you rescued Ellie I was there.”

You gave the alpha a moment to let the information sink in. His eyes widening slightly, already knowing the implications. But you cut him off before he could speak.

“My pack had kind of had a falling out, so it was me and three others. We had only recently joined the Fireflies. We needed the supplies since we were no longer a big pack and wouldn’t be able to take care of just ourselves,” you watched as Joel constructed a carefully blank face as he listened to you, too bad his eyes gave away his anxiety.

“I was talking to Marlene. I just- I couldn’t let them go through with the surgery, no matter how many lives they would potentially save…” you took in a shaky breath, “one of my packmates had lost his child not too long before this – Marlene just said my omega was getting overly emotional” – you shrugged – “maybe it was, but I still didn’t agree with the surgery…It was then that we heard gunshots and- I needed to make sure the others were okay, because- I didn’t want to be alone Joel, I just couldn’t handle the thought…” you chocked off with a sob – tears falling quietly as you finally looked away from Joel.

You felt a hand brush across your cheek gently before tucking a stray lock of (h/c) behind your ear. Joel’s hand lingered before gently resting on the curve of your neck as he gently pulled you forward so your foreheads were touching.

You took in a shaky inhale of the alpha in front of you.

“I understand why you did it… I would’ve done the same. We were strangers then… and as much as it hurts I- I don’t want to lose this,” you sighed shakily.

The two of you stood silently, basking in each other’s presence before Joel spoke up.

“I…” your eyes finally flickered back to the alpha, only to find he wasn’t looking at you. Joel was wearing a complicated look as he gazed down at the tiled floor.

“I’m sorry… I really am (y/n), and- you know that I would’ve done the same thing over and over again if it was for Ellie but- I’m still sorry that it happened…” Joel sighed before meeting your gaze again, “but if you’ll forgive me I’d-I’d like to continue you courting you,”

You smiled shakily before nodding and wrapping your arms around the alpha’s neck as you pulled him down into a kiss.

It was languid and slow at first. The two of you pouring in your regret and understanding as your lips slid across each other.

It was then that Joel grabbed your bottom lip between his teeth and gave it a tug – causing you to gasp – before plunging his tongue between your parted lips.

Desire, desperation, and a burning passion filled the room and tinted your scents as they mingled together.

Joel pushed you into the kitchen bench, using his arms to cage you in. You smiled into the kiss before leaning back and sliding onto the bench.

The alpha chuckled as he came to stand between your legs and brought his hand up to cup you face as he gently tugged your head to the side and started to kiss along the expanse of your exposed skin, lapping across your scent glands and nibbling the pliant skin.

You sighed contently as you let Joel litter marks across your skin. Your omega was pawing at your consciousness and you knew that you wouldn’t have much control for much longer – not while you were in a heat daze.

Your hands trailed across Joel’s toned front, coming down to rest at the top of his jeans before you slid your hands under the pesky top.

The alpha’s skin contracted and shivered as your cold hands worked their way across his torso, exploring every muscle and crevice.

It wasn’t soon till you were panting and whined as you tugged on Joel’s shirt, wanting it off.

The alpha stopped his ministrations in order to quickly slip your top off before sliding his own off and throwing them both away.

You drew Joel back into a kiss and the alpha ran his hands from your abdomen, across your breasts until he hit fresh scars.

Flinching back, you looked down at the expanse of your chest – covered in red-tinted skin, uneven and shriveled.

You had forgotten about the ugly sight.

“Hey,” Joel called softly, grasping your chin and tilting it back towards him. He locked lips with you and continued to gently run his hands across the scarring.

Slowly but surely, you relaxed into the alpha’s touch and started to kiss back fervently. You felt Joel’s lips pull back into a smile as he swiftly unhooked your bra and slipped it off, hands coming up to fondle the soft mounds of flesh.

You moaned, panting as you pulled back.

“Bed,” you rasped, hooking your arms around Joel’s neck as the alpha grabbed your thighs and walked the two of you to the bed tucked into the corner of the room.

The alpha deposited you onto the bed before undoing his belt and slipping off his trousers. You followed suit, slipping off your jeans and underwear before Joel sat beside you and pulled you into his lap so you were straddling him. You gasped at the clothed bulge that rubbed itself between your folds before grinding down, eliciting a guttural groan from Joel who latched onto your neck as he fiddled with your nipples.

Not too soon, you found yourself on your back as Joel curled the finger that had breached your walls, and his mouth played with your right breast and his other hand kept your hips stilled. You moaned loudly as Joel slipped in another finger and scissored your tight walls.

You writhed on the bed as you tried to push yourself down deeper onto those fingers.

Whining, you pawed at the alpha as he managed to fit three fingers inside your entrance.

“Fuck, you’re tight,” Joel panted as he stretched your walls.

“Been awhil- Ah!” You threw your head back against the mattress, arching your back and grinding yourself deeper onto those skillful fingers as ecstasy rushed through your veins.

Joel smirked. He’s found your sweet spot.

The alpha continued to tease that oh so sensitive bundle of nerves, content to watch the omega before him, break open with pleasure.

Joel leaned down and gave you a peck on the lips before smiling.

“Ready?”

You nodded hazily at the alpha, your omega crying out in pleasure as Joel’s member lined itself up with your walls.

Pushing forward, Joel felt your slick walls contract, trying to greedily pull the alpha deeper, closer, further.

Panting, Joel shallowly thrust into your heat, moaning as he managed to fully sheathe himself.

The two of you took a moment to adjust and catch your breath, before Joel slowly pulled out and, once you had started to whimper at the loss, slammed back in.

You gasped as your body rattled with the force of the pace Joel had set, a mantra of the alpha’s name on your tongue.

The sound of skin slapping skin echoed throughout the room as the two of you panted.

You smiled up at Joel, grabbing his neck to bring him down into a messy kiss.

“Fuck,” the alpha groaned as he buried his face in your neck, hips snapping faster and faster.

“J-joel” you gasped, desperately trying to meet the alpha at every thrust.

“Gonna cum,” Joel mumbled into your skin.

You felt the base of Joel’s knot start to inflate, catching on your rim and steadily forcing the alpha to slow his thrusts.

Boiling seed exploded through your walls and the two of you groaned before collapsing back onto the bed, careful not to pull at the knot.

You cuddled up to Joel, tucking your head under his chin, earning a chuckle from the alpha.

“What so funn’?,” you slurred.

“Nothing,” the alpha hummed, using his finger to comb through your sweat-soaked hair.

The alpha paused.

“You uh- you’re on contraception right?” Joel asked nervously.

You snorted.

“Got emergency pill,” you mumbled, “take it in the mornin’,”

“Okay,” Joel said as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

“G’night,” you muttered as you wound your arms around the alpha.

“Night,” Joel replied softly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! So this was actually my first time writing f/m smut so hopefully I didn't do too badly lmao. The next chapter will be the family event! I'm thinking of making this into a series but I'll discuss that further in the next chapter lol. Stay tuned!


	16. Solace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire chapter is just straight up spoilers. Characters are quoted and scenes are replicated. Enjoy!

You groaned as you opened your eyes. Your body was sore, pleasantly so. Rolling onto your back, you stretched your arms above your head, wincing at the spike of pain that shot down your lower back.

“Good morning sleepyhead,” Joel’s gruff voice called out as he poked you in the cheek.

You lazily swatted away the offending hand and mumbled out your own greeting before stumbling out of bed and walking towards the bathroom.

“Don’t you want breakfast?”

You frowned and turned to look blearily at Joel. The alpha was now standing in the kitchen, a stack of pancakes on the bench and two mugs awaiting to be filled with coffee. You didn’t even bother to ask when Joel had brought over coffee nor how he managed to make breakfast without waking you.

“Shower first,” you mumbled and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind you.

You reeked of sex and arousal and sweat clung to your greasy skin. You wanted it off.

Quickly turning on the shower, not even waiting for it to warm up, you jumped in and started to lather yourself with the bar of soap that sat on the ledge under the shower head.

You were careful not to get your hair too wet. It was freezing outside and the last thing you needed was to catch a cold, especially as you could feel your heat starting to creep up. Last night only seemed to have spurred your pre-heat symptoms onward.

Though that wasn’t particularly surprising.

After drying off you came to the amazing realisation that you hadn’t brought any clothes in the bathroom. Your brain seemed to skip over the fact that you were naked.

Despite your… activities last night, you were more ‘sober’ and less out of your mind with hormones. Insecurity was a bitch.

“Hey, Joel!?” You called from behind the door.

“Yeah?”

“Can you, uh- grab me some clothes…please?” You felt your voice starting to trail off halfway through the sentence and you hoped that the alpha had heard because you really didn’t want to repeat yourself.

Not much later, a knock echoed through the door and you opened the door, hiding behind it, and stuck your hand out. The soft feeling of fabric met your fingers and you snatched it before slamming the door. You heard Joel chuckle.

Quickly chucking on your clothes, you stumbled out of the bathroom and plopped down onto a stool and swiped your coffee and down it in one go. Then you quickly stole Joel’s and finished that off too.

“Oi!”

You laughed at the betrayed look the alpha sent you and stuck your tongue out.

“Who knows when I’ll get my coffee beans back? Might as well take advantage,”

“ _My_ coffee beans,” Joel grumbled before stuffing a pancake into his mouth.

The two of you ate with chatter and banter filling the silence. Once you were both finished you grabbed the dishes and started to clean up.

“You and Maria setting up the Mess hall today?”

“Hm? Oh! Yeah, we are,” you replied happily, “someone found these fairy lights so we’re gonna hang those up and then we gotta clean and clear th-” you rambled on and Joel listened to you with a fond look on his face.

It seemed that tonight was going to be something to look forward to.

* * *

You and Maria nodded along listlessly as you pretended to pay attention to Dina’s rantings as the three of you made your way about the mess hall. Hanging up lights, cleaning the bar, clearing the tables out of the way and cleaning the floors. A band was setting up as you three worked, practicing their songs and warming up their instruments.

“-ust doesn’t get it! That and he can just be so- so- Ugh!” Dina’s rambling came to stop and you turned back to see an upset expression adorning the girl’s face.

“Hey,” you called out to the beta, “you’ll be fine. What’s meant to be, will be.”

You knew that those words were usually taken the wrong way by most. That people thought that you were just brushing them off. But to you, they helped accept things that just didn’t make sense. It helped.

The beta sighed.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“Besides,” you shrugged, a wicked grin slipping onto your face, “just gotta put on you’re A-game tonight as a big ‘fuck you’ to Jesse – you’ll feel better for it.”

Dina laughed and Maria sent an amused look your way.

You turned back to continue hanging up the fairy lights, diligently ignoring the creaky ladder under your feet.

It wasn’t much later that the three of you stopped and one of the cooking volunteers came out and provided you with some late lunch.

“Thank you,” Maria responded kindly as she took her dish from the lanky man.

You all settled onto one of the tables that were pushed up against the wall.

“So…” Dina smirked at you – _this doesn’t look fun_ , you thought as you narrowed your eyes, “You and Joel, huh?”

You groaned at the insinuation that the girl had probably managed to catch a whiff of last night’s events – sadly you couldn’t wash off all traces as your flat was polluted with the smell – and dropped your head onto the table dramatically.

Maria muffled a laugh with a polite cough and sent you an intrigued look before politely stating, “it was about time”.

Dina broke off into laughter at that and you just stared longing at the ground, wishing it would just swallow you up.

Eventually, it died down and when you peaked up at the two, they were both looking at you for answers.

You let out a long, suffering sigh.

“Finee,” you groaned, “yes we had sex. Happy now?”

Maria chocked on her water at the crude language and Dina looked delighted.

“I knew it!” the beta cackled, “Ellie’s owes me a painting!”

You raised your brow at the outburst.

Dina, at least, had the courtesy to look a little guilty.

“We- uh, made bets,” she confessed.

You just rolled your eyes.

“She seems to like doing that,” you smiled fondly.

“What!? Did she make a bet with you!? What was it!?!” The beta gasped excitedly as she prodded you for answers.

“Yes she did, no I’m not telling you, deal with it.”

Dina pouted at your lackluster response but, thankfully, dropped it.

After lunch, the three of you made the last few touch-ups to the area.

* * *

You smiled as you watched Dina dance around with some guy. A smile was plastered across her lips and happiness radiated off of the beta in waves. The attention she was attracting was enormous, she was certainly putting on a show.

The upbeat music thrummed through you as you leaned back on the bar bench, standing next to Ellie, the both of you were nursing a glass of alcohol as you watched Dina parade around.

Ellie’s eyes were filled with fondness as she watched the dancing figure flit around the room.

The two of you hadn’t said much.

When Ellie had slipped in she immediately got her hands on some alcohol and was quite tense around you. You suspected it had something to do with Joel. But in due time, the alpha wound down as she watched Dina laugh on the dance floor and you hadn’t pushed for any conversation.

“I hate these things,” Jesse’s sudden appearance startled you, but you didn’t show it.

“Tell me about it,” Ellie huffed.

The two continued their conversation. You didn’t bother to join.

When Joel was brought up, you could tell that Ellie wasn’t in the mood. You sighed to yourself as you took another swing of whiskey. You knew Joel was going to be late, but you were _bored_.

“-putting on quite the show,”

You focused back in on the conversation and smirked into your glass as the two watched Dina finish up her dance.

“I give you two weeks until you’re back together,” Ellie remarked as she looked over to Jesse.

“Not gonna happen,” the other responded, before pausing and continuing, “she uh… say something to you?”

Ellie snorted.

“Make it one week,” the alpha said as she elbowed you, silently signaling she’s changed her bet.

You rolled your eyes and watched as Dina sassily ignored Jesse and dragged Ellie off onto the dance floor. It was then that you felt someone nudge you shoulder.

You looked over to your right and saw Joel.

“Wanna dance?” The alpha asked as the music slowed into something softer.

You huffed out a laugh.

“Don’t blame me if I step on your toes,”

Joel shot you a smile before dramatically bowing and offering you his hand.

“Milady.”

Chuckling, you set your half-empty glass onto the counter before grasping Joel’s hand and being led away.

You let Joel wrap his arms around your waist and pull you flush against his chest.

In return, you delicately wrapper your arms around his neck, bringing your heads together.

Joel started to move along with the beat and you looked down, watching his steps and carefully following them. Eventually, you found your rhythm and started to gently sway in place.

“So…How’d I do?” You asked – referring to the mess hall set up.

“I’ve seen better,” Joel said offhandedly, earning a pout from you and drawing a laugh from him.

“Nah, you guys did amazing,”

You smiled at the compliment, leaning forwards to bury your face in the alpha’s neck. When you peaked over his shoulder, however, you saw Dina catch Ellie’s lips in a kiss.

“Don’t look now…But I think you’re daughter just got herself a girlfriend,” you smiled up at Joel’s confused look and let the alpha spin you around so he could see what you were talking about.

“Always thought those two were friends,” he mumbled.

You snorted at the comment.

“Those two were lovesick for each other since I met them,”

The alpha chuckled before-

“Hey!”

The both of you pulled apart slightly to watch an older alpha stride up to the two, frowning slightly at the interaction.

“This is a family event,”

The girls frowned at the man, but were too happy to bother and shrugged it off.

But you could see the tension building and could feel the slight growl that rumbled through Joel’s chest.

The two started to walk away, Dina throwing one last comment over her shoulder before-

“Oh great, that’s just what this town needs,”

You could feel Joel start to pull away from you as the two of you watched the interaction unfold.

“Another loud-mouthed dyke,”

A growl ripped through Ellie as she turned back to the offending man.

“The _fuck_ did you just say!?”

“Ellie. Ellie, don’t,”

Dina was trying to calm down the alpha, as Joel’s warmth left you as he shoved the other alpha back; the music pausing as people started to watch.

“Get the hell outta here,” Joel rumbled as he stood in front of the girls.

“Get your hands off me,” the alpha snarled.

“Hey! Hey! Enough,” Maria and Tommy quickly ushered the man outside and you frowned as you watched Joel check on Ellie. Silently making your way over.

“What is wrong with you?” Ellie spat.

“He had no right—”

“And you do?” Ellie scowled, before- “I don’t need your fucking help Joel”

You could hear the people around you murmuring, but you focused on Joel – trying to hide his pain through an expressionless mask.

“Right,” was all he said before he walked out.

You went to go after him but decided to check on Ellie first.

“Hey, you guys okay?” You asked, as you grabbed Ellie by the shoulders, inspecting her closely, even though you knew she wasn’t injured.

“I- uh yeah,” Ellie looked confused as to why you were there.

“We’re okay, thanks (y/n)” Dina said, wrapping her arm around Ellie’s waist.

You smirked as Ellie blushed.

You had definitely won that bet.

“Okay, I’m going to check on Joel. If you two need anything you know where to find me,” you sent a smile before making your way out of the mess hall.

“Wait!”

You turned back to Ellie. She was standing in the doorway, nervously clutching her arm. A guilty expression dawned on her face.

“I-I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“I’m not the one who needs to hear those words,” Ellie nodded, looking defeated until- “remember what I told you.”

_Has this person hurt you enough to make you hate where you are now, how far you’ve come and make you yearn to go back and change reality?_

Ellie looked at you and something seemed to click because-

“You know… you know about me,”

“Don’t let Joel get drunk,” you said simply.

Ellie snorted before quietly asking, “what should I do?”

You regarded the alpha for a moment.

“Do what your heart tells you to. In moments like these, your head won’t get you anywhere,”

There was no response, and you weren’t expecting one.

Turning around, you trudged through the snow, heading towards Joel’s place.

* * *

There was no answer when you knocked on Joel’s door. When you tried the doorknob, you found that it was unlocked.

“Joel?” You called out as you let yourself inside.

Silence.

You frowned, before heading further inside, the hacking of wood filtering through the house.

Making your way slowly upstairs, you stopped at the doorway of Joel’s studio, watching as the alpha violently hacked into the wooden block in front of him, losing all of the grace and patience he usually showed when he carved.

“Joel?”

There was no response and you sighed as you made your way inside the room, resting your hand on the alpha’s bicep as a silent gesture for him to stop.

“Hey,” you called softly as you gently pried the knife from Joel’s grip, “you’re okay Joel. Ellie’s okay. You’ll both get through this.”

You continued your nonsequential muttering until you had Joel’s face cupped in your hands and you let the man sag against you in defeat, his head burying itself in the juncture of your shoulder.

A purr bubbled up in your chest and you allowed it; letting the soothing sound fill the room and thrum through your chest.

“I don’t know what to do,” Joel rasped as he tightened his arms around your waist.

You sighed as you carded your fingers through brunette hair.

“Joel,” you pushed at the alpha so he could see you properly, “what happened, happened; and you and I both know that you would’ve done the same thing a hundred times over. You’ve got to let Ellie come to terms that you had taken the value of her immunity away from her. Nothing is easy and you- you just gotta be there for her, okay? Let her come to you; and when she does, don’t question it, just be there.”

Joel was quiet for some time as he processed this.

“Yeah… I think you’re right,”

You smiled as Joel pulled away.

“I’ll make some coffee alright, why don’t you grab your guitar? I haven’t heard you play in ages.”

The alpha chuckled before heading off to grab his guitar as you darted down to the kitchen.

“I’ll meet you outside,” Joel called as he walked past you and stepped out on the porch.

The muffled strumming of music filtered through the kitchen as you made your way about making the two of you coffee.

It was as you went to open the door to the porch that you heard voices. Ducking behind the wall so your shadow wouldn’t be seen snooping, you listened into the conversation.

“I had Seth under control.”

 _Seth?_ You presumed he was the one that had harassed Ellie and Dina.

“Yeah, I know,”

“And you need to stop harassing Jesse about my patrols.”

“…Okay”

It was silent for a while and, for a minute, you thought that Ellie had left before-

“Dina…Is she your girlfriend?”

“No! No she - that was just one kiss, it didn’t mean anything, she just- I don’t know why she did that,”

You stifled a giggle at Ellie’s blatant denial.

“But, you do like her?”

You could hear Ellie’s murmur something, but you couldn’t make it out.

“Look, I have no idea what that girl’s intentions are, but… I do know that she would be lucky to have you.”

A smile tugged at your lips at the words as the two descended into a short bout of silence once again, before Ellie eloquently broke it with-

“You’re such an asshole,”

“I’m not trying to—”

“I was supposed to die in that hospital. My life would’ve fucking mattered! But you took that from me,” Ellie’s voice was starting to clog up. You wondered if she was crying.

“If somehow the Lord gave me a second chance at that moment… I would do it all over again,”

Sadness flooded you, but you knew that those were words that Ellie needed to hear. She deserved to know.

“Yeah… I just… I don’t think I could ever forgive you for that,” there was a brief pause, “But I would like to try,”

“I’d like that,”

You couldn’t help but smile at the two.

“Okay… Well, I’ll see you around.”

Ellie’s retreating footsteps echoed through the walls and when you were sure she was gone you walked through the door before handing Joel his cup of coffee.

“You doing okay Cowboy?”

Joel huffed a laugh, before nodding.

“Yeah,” he said quietly before turning his head to the side to face you, “thank you,”

“I didn’t do anything,” you shrugged, “that was all you.”

“I guess so,”

The two of you spent the rest of the evening finishing off your coffee before retreating inside.

And if you stayed the night at Joel’s place? Well, that was nobody’s business but your own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay!!! I am planning on making this into a series (probably), as I have lots of ideas and also want to integrate other characters (such as Abby, Lev, and so on). But this first part will likely have about 2 more chapters to it. Although I love this fandom and this fic, I would like a break to just get some more ideas together and just play around with some other fandoms lolol.   
> Hope y'all are doing well and that you enjoyed this chapter!


	17. Need to Find You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late!! I srsly need to get outta the habit of bs-ing a new chapter when I'm s'pose to update lolol. AnYwAys   
> MAJOR SPOILERS!!   
> Some scenes will be altered (obviously) but I do quote characters and scenes so read at your own risk.

It was cold when you woke up.

The warmth of Joel was missing from his bed and you missed it.

Shrugging it off, you padded downstairs, yawning as you entered the kitchen.

There was no sign of Joel and you felt your brows furrow in confusion. Something… didn’t feel right.

A piece of paper caught your attention. It was lying on the kitchen bench and had neat letters scratched hurriedly across the page.

Picking it up, it read;

‘ _Sorry, got called on a patrol with Tommy._

_Should be back soon. Help yourself to some cereal.”_

_Joel,”_

Your hands were shaking.

You couldn’t get rid of the feeling that something was _wrong_. It just didn’t sit right with you. Your omega was pawing at your consciousness, calling out words you couldn’t comprehend.

Frowning, you shoved it down.

It took you a moment before you found the cereal Joel was talking about – took you even longer to find a fucking _bowl_. But eventually, you settled down onto a table shoved against the wall and slowly ate, trying to keep your mind off of… Well, you weren’t sure what it was, but it seemed to have something to do with Joel. You decided you’d ask Maria about it.

The longer the day went…the more _wrong_ it felt. Your skin was crawling, your head was screaming nonsense at you and you just had this innate instinct to _run_.

You were pretty much a wreck by the time you had found yourself in front of Maria – hands trembling, heart throbbing, and gasping for breath you didn’t need.

“Holy- (y/n)? What’s wrong?” Maria was immediately on alert.

“Whe-where’s Joel?”

The alpha’s eyes narrowed slightly at that.

“He was sent out on a patrol—”

“With Tommy, yes, I know,” you snapped before sighing, “Sorry, I just- I need to know.”

“They haven’t come back yet… But if that was the case, they’re supposed to meet Jesse at one of the checkpoints...” Maria trailed off, her eyes widening in some sort of realisation. “You’re feeling it, aren’t you? You’re feeling the bond…”

The bond.

The bond was where an alpha and omega could instinctually feel a dawning event, whether it be good, like a safe pregnancy, or bad, like the death of a friend. It was stronger between mated pairs, but it could also be felt between those that are _very_ compatible.

The bond… it wasn’t something that had crossed your mind and now that Maria had brought it up, it left you completely floored.

“I need to go,”

“You can’t go outside!” Maria said firmly, resting her hand on your shoulder in what was, seemingly, a comforting gesture, but it wasn’t, it just made you feel trapped.

Panic was flooding through you and you couldn’t stop it.

“Just try to stop me!” You snarled, baring your teeth.

Maria’s alpha acted in kind, snarling, and snapping her teeth threateningly, scent heightening to aid in her threatening aura.

“You would just put yourself and every other person out there in danger if you go outside!”

“I have survived on my own for seven _fucking YEARS!”_ You yelled, “ You don’t get to fucking decide for me!”

“You’ll be putting Joel in danger if you go out there smelling like pre-heat!”

“YOU’LL BE PUTTING HIM IN MORE DANGER IF YOU DON’T LET ME FUCKING GO!” You roared.

Maria quietened, and although you felt a stab of guilt, you held your tongue because like hell she was going to fucking stop you.

“Fine,” she snapped, “you can go with Jesse, but if he can smell even an ounce of omega on you, you’re out.”

You scowled but agreed nonetheless – you could do that. Fucking easy.

Jesse didn’t even notice your approach as you were doused in Joel’s scent (from some of his clothes) and herbs that thickly covered your neck in a greenish-paste.

You were tense and didn’t speak a word to the alpha as the two of you made your way to the checkpoint.

Your omega wasn’t settling down at all, and really, that just caused you to panic even more.

* * *

A storm had flown over your heads, and Joel had yet to turn up at the checkpoint.

Jesse had dragged you away from the post and soon you found yourself pushing your way into a library.

“Ellie!?”

Jesse’s worried call brought you back to yourself and suddenly you felt your omega worry over your pup, as you rushed in front of the alpha to check that everything was okay.

“Ellie? Din- Jesus,” Jesse quickly turned on his heel as the two girls scrambled to get dressed. You, on the other hand, just sent the two a smirk.

“Stop looking!” Ellie cried.

“Nah, I think I’ve won that bet for sure now,” you teased, relishing in the blush that spread across the alpha’s cheeks despite her scowl.

“What bet—”

“Enough!” Jesse snapped.

Dina just sighed, “Why are you here?”

“People are counting on you, you get that!? What we do matters!” The raven-haired man scowled as he turned to face Dina.

“Well, then why aren’t you at the fucking look-out?” Dina snapped, hackles rising.

“Because Tommy and Joel didn’t show up!”

The sentence caused an unsteady silence to pass over the four of you.

“What do you mean?” Ellie asked, concern starting to mar her features.

“He means, that we’d been waiting for them for an hour. We were looking for their horses till Jesse saw lights,” you said, your voice was calm, falsely so – your mind was a screaming mess.

“What are you doing here?” Dina asked you, though not unkindly.

“From what I gathered, she was basically ready to threaten Maria to let her go,” Jesse supplied oh so helpfully.

You rolled your eyes.

“You can’t smell me anyways. Like I told her, I’ve been on my own for seven years, I can fucking handle myself,”

“But- why now?” Ellie asked, her face was set into a blank mask, but you could see how she wasn’t looking forward to the answer in the concern and hurt that shone through her eyes. 

“It’s the bond,” you stated simply, before elaborating at all three confused glances (Jesse hadn’t managed to pry anything out of you), “to put it simply, I can instinctually feel that something is wrong; more so than all of you, and I know that I am, without a doubt, most likely fucking right,”

“Would explain why you were so fidgety,” Jesse muttered, earning an elbow to the ribs from you.

“What’s wrong with Joel!?” Ellie demanded.

“I can’t tell you that because I don’t know,” you snapped.

“Maybe they just went back to town,” Dina suggested softly – trying as hard as all of you to deny the unease you all felt.

“No,” Ellie breathed, shaking her head, “Without being replaced? No way. How much of their region have you covered?”

“Not much,” Jesse conceded.

“Then we split up. Go at it from different sides. We can cover the whole thing in a few hours,” Ellie was quickly slipping on her jacket and grabbing the rest of her gear, as was Dina, as they got prepared to leave again.

“I don’t like you riding solo, we don’t know what’s out there,” Jesse argued.

“Exactly! What if they need help?”

“She’s got a point there Jesse,” you called out from where you were leaning against a post.

Jesse just sighed, “I can’t leave (y/n) alone, not whilst she’s in pre-heat.”

“Hey!” You squawked indignantly. Honestly, you’ve been through much worse, why were they babying you?

“Fine, she can come with me,” Ellie snapped.

God, why were they acting as if you were a child!?

“Okay, I’ll head West, Dina can take South, and you two come from the East. But be smart about it, yeah?”

“Yeah,”

The four of you filed out, a weight settling into each of your chests as you mounted your horses and took off in your respective direction.

* * *

“JOEL! TOMMY!”

The constant screaming was grating on your vocal chords as you and Ellie tried to be heard of over the wind that was whipping past you as your horses’ hooves thundered against the snowy terrain.

You had been searching for approximately half an hour and eventually, Ellie had pulled her horse to a sudden halt, causing you to quickly bring your own horse to a stuttering stop to avoid colliding with the other two.

“Oh shit,”

You craned your neck to look at what Ellie was seeing, and upon laying eyes on the burnt corpses of the infected at the front gate of a mansion, you felt dread flow through your veins. Inhaling sharply, you reluctantly tore your eyes from the sight.

“How do we get down there?” Ellie murmured.

“There may be an opening in the fence,” you suggested softly.

Ellie nodded before the two of you dismounted and tethered your horses to a nearby tree.

Upon finding a big enough opening in the fence, after jumping across ledges and ducking under trees, the two of you squeezed through.

Ellie sighed, her shoulders relaxing, “ah, there it is.”

You, however, felt your chest squeeze and your head throb, your vision blurring along the edges before focusing again.

Snatching Ellie’s sleeve before she could volt over onto the front deck, you tugged her down into a crouch.

“Something’s not right,” you said seriously, ignoring the incredulous look Ellie shot you.

“We need to find them!” Ellie insisted pulling herself out of your grasp.

“There’s no point in dying whilst doing so!” you snapped.

“What is with you? I’m sure they’re fine if you’re so worried go secure the area or some shit,” Ellie huffed, exasperated, before throwing herself over the small fence line and jogging off inside, calling for Tommy and Joel on her way in.

* * *

Ellie felt her relief at potentially finding Joel, disappear into thin air the moment she heard the screams when she walked through the glass door.

“Where is that coming from?” She asked herself, brows furrowed as she tried to push down the sense of dread that was bubbling up.

Ellie quickly made her way down the stairs before hesitating when a cry of pain sounded an awful lot like-

“Joel?”

She was panicking now.

Chest constricting and contracting abnormally, hands shaking, eyesight starting to focus in and out. Her heart was rattling against the cage her ribs formed and her stomach churned at the sounds of complete and utter agony.

“Oh shit,” Ellie breathed as the sight of sleeping bags entered her vision.

Others were here.

Other people were here and they were hurting Joel.

What about Tommy!?

Ellie couldn’t hear anything coming from Tommy. Did they-? Was he- No! Ellie shook her head and willed herself to focus on the grunts that filtered through the room.

“Fuck!”

Ellie found herself in front of a door.

It was at the bottom of a set of narrow staircases that was flanked by pale walls. It felt like a nightmare.

Quietly opening the door, Ellie was greeted with the sight of Joel.

The man was hunched awkwardly over the ground, blood pooling around him and covering almost every inch of his swollen being.

An alpha girl stood in front of him, looming over Joel with a golf club held in a white-knuckled grip.

Ellie saw red.

Shouldering the rest of her way through the door, she curled back her lips, showing off her teeth, took aim and-

Someone grabbed her wrists, slamming her against the open door, and tumbling to the ground.

Ellie swiftly grabbed her pocket knife once her gun was forced out of her hands. Quickly changing the momentum of her body and striking the man across the face with her blade.

Hands came from behind her and shoved her onto the ground, turning around Ellie tried to fight off the other, before a woman joined the struggle.

“Pin her down!”

“Get off me!” Ellie grunted.

“Get her hands!”

Hands wrapped tightly around her wrists, pinning them to the small of her back and she struggled on the ground before her shoulder was forcefully slammed against the ground and held in place.

“Get the fuck off me!”

“Bitch!”

Soon a boot was kicking her back and forth. Ellie coughed, blood filling her throat.

“You got her!” Someone called out and pulled the boot away, “Look, you got her! Okay?”

Ellie wasn’t paying attention to the muttering around her, she could only see Joel. Broken and battered on the ground. Covered head to toe in blood. His face so smashed in, it was barely recognisable. But-but that was _Joel._

Joel who had _stayed_ by Ellie’s side. Joel who had saved Ellie again and again. Joel who refused to let her throw away her life, whether it was for a good cause or not.

It was Joel.

An animalistic scream tore through Ellie’s throat, as she snarled at the red-headed woman standing atop of Joel.

“You’re gonna fucking _die_!” Ellie screamed, grunting with her continued effort to try and escape the many hands pinning her down.

“What’s going on?” A voice demanded.

A man walked through a doorway, looking between the woman and Ellie.

“Let him go!” Ellie grunted.

“Who is that?” A woman behind the man asked.

“She snuck in,” the feminine voice behind her supplied.

“Why aren’t you posted up outside?” The man accused.

“We didn’t think anyone would show up!” The woman pining Ellie down argued defensively. 

“The hell did you expect!?” The man sneered, before turning so his back was facing Ellie, “we gotta get outta here before the whole town’s on top of us.”

A small part of Ellie questioned how and _why_ they knew that Joel was a part of Jackson, but it was quickly swept away with the all-consuming rage and terror that flooded Ellie’s system.

The man turned to face the woman with the golf club.

“You’re done,” he stated firmly.

The alpha female sneered, walking up to get into the other man’s face.

“You want what I want, right?” Her voice had a hint of desperation tinging it, her clenched hands shaking with the amount of force she was hold them with.

“End it. Now,” the man demanded.

Everyone backed off. Their feet parting so Ellie could see Joel fully.

“Joel. Get up,” Ellie pleaded through ragged breaths, “Joel, fucking _get up_!”

Ellie could see a flicker of movement from Joel’s eyes and she wondered if he could see her – suddenly she couldn’t handle that thought. She couldn’t handle the thought that she couldn’t save Joel, even though he had saved her so many times. She couldn’t handle the thought of losing the man in front of her.

“Please stop!” Ellie begged desperately, her voice hoarse. “Please don’t do this…”

Her begging landed on deaf ears, however, as the muscular woman started to raise the club.

“Joel! Please get up!” Ellie begged just as the golf club rose over the woman’s head and was swung down –

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Does he live or die?? Find out next time!!  
> Lolol.  
> Ugh I had to watch Joel's death scene a few times to get this right T-T   
> sAdNeSs   
> Anyways, I'm currently being very unproductive so may have the next chapter up some time today or tomorrow! Keep tuned!


	18. Another Day in the Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ye! More spoilers btw

It was quiet.

Too quiet.

You skulked around the outside of the mansion but had come across nobody, and despite trying to convince yourself that maybe Ellie had found Joel, you had yet to see the two.

Sighing, you decided you should stop trying to avoid your sense of dread and went inside to investigate. It was likely that there was someone here and, Joel or Tommy had gotten injured whilst finishing off the assailant. Ellie was probably helping the-

Or not.

You could hear scuffling, grunting, and demanding voices that vibrated through the thin walls and swirled around the interior of the mansion.

Steeling yourself, you followed the voices.

“Joel, fucking _get up_ ,” Ellie’s desperate voice flooded through the house and set off some trigger in you, because in the next second you were barging through the house, trying frantically to find where she was.

“Please stop!” Ellie begged desperately, her voice hoarse.

You could see the girl pinned under two people as you hurriedly descended the stairs.

“Please don’t do this…”

Ellie’s broken voice plucked at your heartstrings and when you burst through the door, a muscular alpha was raising a golf club above her head. It was when the mangled sight of Joel registered in your vision that you went cold.

“Joel! Please get up!” Ellie begged just as the golf club rose over the woman’s head and was swung down –

“NOOOOO!” Ellie cried, but it wasn’t because Joel was hit. It wasn’t because his head bounced off the ground as blood spouted from an irreparable wound that would’ve spelled inevitable death.

No.

It was because you were hunched over Joel, your back snapping violently as the club was harshly brought down upon you.

You hacked up blood, adding a new layer of dirt to Joel’s sullied jacket. Your chest was heaving, white pain flooding your senses, and limbs shaking with the effort to keep your weight off of Joel.

“Why you—”

The club was brought down again and again and _again_ , and all Ellie could do was watch as you curled protectively around Joel’s head. It was then that the scent started to flood the room.

“Wait-! Abby stop!” A woman yelled, grabbing the woman’s forearms and stopping her from continuously bringing down the club.

“What, Mel!?” Abby snarled.

“What’s that smell?” Someone asked.

The air was tense as a cloying scent heavily filled the room.

Ellie started to struggle anew. She _knew_ that scent, it was one of the first things she encountered when meeting you. You couldn’t – Ellie couldn’t let _that_ happen to you. No she just – Not you too. She can’t sit here and watch two of the people she loves suffer.

“I think- that’s an omega…” Mel said in awe, staring down at you as if you were a fucking scientific miracle.

“No way! I thought they were extinct!”

Ellie blocked out the noise as she tried to struggle out of the grasp of those pinning her down, a million thoughts flooding her mind as she tried to think of how to possibly escape.

It wasn’t until the man on top of her moved and she could feel his member brush against her, that she focused back into their discussion. Disgusting.

“We should bring her back to base! Omegas are s’pose to birth some really powerful alphas!”

The suggestion made Ellie growl, the sound vibrating through her being.

“Don’t you fucking touch her!”

“What’re you gonna do about it?” The man that she had cut beforehand teased, walking up towards you and Joel.

“Wait! You’ll hurt her if you do anything right now!” Mel cried out.

“C’mon man, that’s not cool,” someone said as bitch-face leaned down and grasped your shoulder – eliciting a low, gurgled growl from you.

“Just get her to fucking move so I can finish him off!” Abby demanded, finally wrenching her arms out of Mel’s grasp.

“Owen!” Mel called out, looking pleadingly towards the man that had told Abby to finish off Joel beforehand.

“Enough!” Owen snapped, his pheromones rising threateningly. Ellie briefly wondered why he seemed so unaffected by you – perhaps he was mated to that ‘Mel’ person.

“We can take her back to base, but don’t touch her otherwise. We need to get her to Isaac first - he may want her.”

“Not cool dude!” The man that still had his hand on your shoulder whined, “I bet she’s a slut anyways, won’t hurt to go for a round or two,”

“How about we just get her patched up first? That scent is really strong,” a large man with his hair tied back into a bun said, gently holding his nose as if it would dissipate the overwhelmingly syrupy scent.

“She looks to be in heat, that scent won’t go away, Manny,” Mel warned, “if we take her in, in this state we’ll just attract the infected.”

“We can just cover her in our scent that should dull it enough to not attract any attention,” the girl that was also pinning Ellie down said, “besides, we’ve got quite a few alpha’s here so we should be able to cover it completely…but her being in heat does make that harder.”

“Jesus! Just get her to a place and fuck it out of her then we can go back,” Abby growled, “ _He’s_ still fucking alive, so let’s get this shit over and done with!”

Bitch-face shoots Abby a sickening smirk as he goes to pull you away from Joel, only to cause you to whimper in pain.

“You’re going to hurt her,” Mel fretted.

“She can handle it,” bitch-face waved Mel off, continuing to pry you off of Joel.

It was when your eyes met Ellie’s with such a fiery tenacity that Ellie saw your ‘limp’ hand grasp onto the handle of Joel’s knife (that you must’ve grabbed from his hip somehow). In a flash, you had spun around and aimed the knife to lodge into the man’s throat. Unfortunately, bitch-face managed to pull himself out of the way, just enough for the blade to bury in his shoulder, just below the collarbone. An ungodly scream filled the room and the man pushed you off of him - you narrowly avoided falling on Joel.

You spat in the direction of the man as you eased yourself onto your elbows, scowling.

“I like her,” Manny said.

“Shut up!” Bitch-face snapped. Manny just shrugged.

Ellie watched as you panted with the exertion it took to move, with both your wounds and your heat. Ellie watched as you _crawled_ back over to Joel and wrapped yourself around his head – protecting him in vain.

“Alright that’s it!” Abby exclaimed and went to obviously throw you off of Joel, until multiple people stopped her.

“Hey, hey!”

“You can’t just fling her aside!” Mel argued, “she’s probably one of the last remaining omegas!”

“So what!?” Abby spat.

“She could be helpful to us,” Manny supplied.

“This bitch is nothing but a fucking toy!” Bitch-face spat.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?” Owen said as he jerked his chin in Mel’s direction and soon bitch-face and Mel were hobbling out the door.

“What’re we gonna do _Owen_!?” Abby spat the man’s name out like it was toxic.

Ellie let the rest of the conversation filter out through her ringing ears as her eyes met yours once again. For some reason, your (e/c) irises held an incredible amount of sadness, and it wasn’t to do with your current situation. Ellie felt her brows furrow as you quietly mouthed ‘sorry’ to her before-

“Abby,” you rasped out, not looking away from Ellie, “you really think Anderson would appreciate this?”

The room went deathly silent.

“What did you just say?” Abby’s voice was dangerously calm despite the rising growl at the back of her throat.

The ginger-haired girl stormed over to you, her hand fisting into your hair before jerkily pulling your face up to meet hers.

“Holy…”

Abby’s awe soon morphed into rage, hurt, and disbelief.

“What the _fuck!_ (Y/n)!?”

You smiled, blood coating your teeth and making it a gruesome sight overall as your back arched unnaturally to help keep your torso up off the ground.

“Hey Abs,” you greeted, before coughing and leaving a smattering of blood across the girl’s cheek.

Abby let you drop harshly to the floor - she looked mildly horrified.

“You’re supposed to be dead!” Abby yelled.

“Yeah, heard that one before,” you choked out.

“And why the fuck are you defending _him_!?”

You leveled Abby with an unimpressed glare.

“Because we’re compatible,” you state firmly.

“Bullshit!” Abby snarled, “You don’t believe in that crap!”

“Hey, hey,” Owen said as he pulled Abby away from you, “ _calm down_.”

“(Y/n), what’re you doing here?” Manny asked, a deep-set frown marring his features.

“I don’t particularly feel like you deserve an answer to that,” you shot back, causing pretty much everyone in the room to cringe.

Ellie was confused. Did you know these people? Did you know they were coming? Did you- No, Ellie shook her head, you wouldn’t have put yourself in that position for Joel if that were the case. But what would happen now?

* * *

You curled around Joel, cradling his head to your stomach and covering him with your arms. The man was bleeding profusely and your only hope of saving him would be to protect his head.

His leg was blown to bits and you knew that he would never be able to properly walk again. You couldn’t believe it when you recognised the voices around you; faces that were familiar but aged with time.

“We didn’t know it was you,” Nora said softly.

You just shot her a sickeningly sweet smile in return.

“So you’d just beat anyone to a pulp with a golf club? Nice to know,” you drawled, the words grating on your throat and pressing awkwardly around your damaged ribs.

“That was because you were protecting him,” Abby sneered as she pointed the golf club in your general direction, causing you to flinch back – she looked a little guilty by eliciting such a reaction.

You just sighed.

“Look I’m tired and sore – and not in the good way. So can y’all leave?”

“We ain’t leaving until we get what we came for,” Manny stated firmly, crossing his arms against his chest.

You huffed, _should’ve known they weren’t just gonna back down_.

“Alright then,” you said as you shakily pushed yourself upwards, drawing your knees in and maneuvering so you were in front of Joel. Your breathing was labored as you stumbled to your feet, wincing as pain shot up through you damaged spine and caused you to slouch awkwardly.

“You’re gonna hurt yourself,” Nora’s voice filtered through your ringing ears. You chuckled.

“Ain’t any worse than what you’ve done,” you shot back darkly.

You surveyed the group through hazy eyes, trying to decide who to take down first. The man Ellie had cut would’ve been preferable, you had never seen the man before and he already grated on your nerves.

Owen just sighed, “What’re you really doing here (y/n)?”

You shrugged, “Don’t have the answers you want to hear.”

“Isaac misses you,” Owen said softly.

 _Ah,_ you thought, _gonna try and appeal to my emotions._

Owen was always one of your favourite kids. He was smart and compassionate, but unfortunately for him, you had taught him most of what he knew.

“He’d just shoot me on site and you know it,” you scoffed.

“I think we’re at a bit of a stalemate here,” Leah pointed out. 

“Well,” you drawled, “that’s just because you don’t want to murder me in cold blood.”

“We didn’t know it was you!” Abby snapped.

“Oh? And that makes it completely acceptable to go beating dents in every other persons’ skull does it?” You snarled, your voice dripping with venom.

“Why the _fuck_ are you so against this!?” Abby yelled, exasperated, “He practically killed off the rest of your pack!”

You flinched and shoved down any unwelcomed memories.

“I fucking know that!” You growled, low and dangerous, “but that doesn’t give you a right to go off and kill him! You would’ve done the _exact same thing_ if you were in his position. Hell! Your fucking _father_ would’ve!”

“Don’t drag my Dad into this!”

“You dragged him into this yourself!” You let your shoulders hunch, feeling your fingers brushing again the holster of your pistol, “You dragged Jerry into this the moment you decided to turn to vengeance like a fucking _child!_ ”

You slowly drew your gun, watching as everyone’s eyes flit to it in concern. Lazily, you let it spin around your index finger.

“So… How are we gonna do this?”

“We ain’t gonna kill you,” Manny scoffed exasperatedly.

“Yeah? Well, unfortunately, there ain’t any other wa—”

You stopped short when you felt a tug on your pant leg. Looking down, you saw Joel’s hand weakly grasping the fabric of your jeans.

Disregarding everyone else in the room, you shakily dropped to your knees and took Joel’s hand in your own. You were pretty sure they wouldn’t stab you in the back (literally).

The man tried to talk around the blood clogging up his throat, but you just shushed him whilst letting your fingers lightly brush through Joel’s matted locks.

“I’m sorry we didn’t come sooner,” you rasped out. There were hushed murmurs behind you, but you ignored them.

“El-…” Joel gasped, spluttering around the blood in his lungs, “Ellie,”

“She’s safe,” you whispered, tears gathering at your eyes, “She’s okay, I’ll make sure of it.”

Joel seemed to relax a little at that.

“Let’s go.”

You turned to see Abby’s face contorted in a display of emotions you couldn’t figure out.

“He’s practically dead anyway,” the girl huffed, “We’re done here.”

And with that, Abby walked out of the room – the other’s eventually followed, shooting you awkward looks and waves of goodbye.

The moment Ellie was let go of, she came tumbling towards Joel.

“Joel!”

Her hands grasped at his face, making sure that he was here, that he was still breathing – as if she was afraid that he would slip between the gaps of her fingers if she let go.

Tears ran down the girl’s freckled face and you gave her a pat on the back before hoisting your body up off the ground.

“Where are you going?” Ellie asked. She tried to keep the suspicion out of her voice, but you heard it loud and clear.

“To say thank you,” you said simply.

“What’s there to fucking _thank_!?” Ellie yelled.

You leveled her with a _look_.

“This could’ve ended a lot worse,” you said ominously before limping out of the room.

Ellie scoffed at your answer, but she knew you were right. But she still couldn’t believe you were going to _thank_ these people.

* * *

You ignored the pain that flashed through every step you took and just braced yourself against the wall as you came to stop in the doorway of a room that the group were bustling around in.

“Abby,” you called out, immediately garnering the girl’s attention. “Thank you,” you said sincerely.

Abby just scoffed, “There’s nothing to thank me for.”

You let a small smile grace your features.

“I beg to disagree,” you said simply before going to turn away and go back to Joel-

“Wait! (Y/n)!” Mel called out to you, and when you looked back to her in questioning she continued, “We can patch you up.”

You just shook your head with a small chuckle.

“I’m not the one that needs medical attention right now, and I’m sure you won’t want to be giving Joel any, anytime soon.”

From the looks of guilt and unease on the group's faces, you’d guessed right.

“Will we see you again?” Owen asked.

You just shrugged, “Who knows?” You said before fleeing the room and hobbling back to Ellie and Joel.

Ellie was hunched over Joel, her hands hovering over the beaten man, unsure where to start addressing his wounds.

You kneeled down next to her.

“They’ve tourniquet his leg, so we don’t have to worry about that now,” you said softly as your eyes scanned Joel’s form.

“He…He’ll need to be amputated?” Ellie’s statement came out as more of a quiet question.

“Yes,” you nodded, “but that’ll have to be done later, may have to cauterise it, since he’s already lost a lot of blood.”

Ellie nodded quietly, before digging through her pack for a med-kit.

“Where do we start?” She questioned.

You just sighed before guiding her through bandaging up Joel, careful not to jostle the man too much. This was going to be a long recovery… That was _if_ Joel even made it back to Jackson. 


	19. Forever Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this is late!! Ugh I have been so fucking busy and all over the damn place. Smh.   
> Anywho~~   
> This chapter is a little shorter than I intended it to be, but either way, I just wanted to get something up. There are no spoilers in this chapter (if I remember correctly) and there are like 3 more chapters to come before we wrap up the first part of this series!

Everything was a blur.

You remembered Ellie was trying to keep herself together whilst the two of you tended to Joel - her hands shaking as she did so. You had stopped trying to talk to her as you couldn’t bear to hear her try to talk around the lump in her throat.

The tears had long stopped, your eyes tired, but your omega refused to let you sleep – too worried about your mate to care.

It was towards dusk that Dina and Jesse had burst through the doors, evening light flooding the room in some cruel, ironic joke as it danced across Joel’s figure. Light taunting the tendrils of death that gripped onto the man.

You vaguely remembered having to be bodily pulled off of Joel and were shoved into a room – you were pretty sure it was because of the heat and that your omega didn’t want to leave your alpha alone in such a state.

Time blended together from there.

You were forced to try and ride out your heat in a small, cramped, and cold bathroom. But your omega was merely calling out for the alpha. The leftover scent of a distressed Joel was driving you crazy and you’re pretty sure you had at one point given up on trying to break down the bathroom door and had reverted to begging Dina to let you out – to let you see Joel.

Dina could barely stand the heart-wrenching sobs as you tried to claw your way out of the door – the beta was honestly surprised that the door hadn’t given way as you tried to shoulder through it.

The omega’s scent never ceased of that terrified and guilt-ridden undertone, souring the scent and warding off even the few bonded alphas Maria had sent over to help secure the area.

When her and Jesse had arrived, you were tense but had allowed the duo to approach. It wasn’t until Jesse went to check Joel over that you lost your shit, flinging him across the room as you growled, standing over Joel.

They hadn’t dared go near Joel again, so instead, they had set up a game plan.

The three knew they couldn’t take you back to Jackson in your state, your scent too strong and your mind too unstable due to yours and Joel’s current condition.

So, the decision was to get you to ride your heat out here, scrub Joel of your scent and get him back to Jackson as soon as possible for some much needed medical attention, and then grab you and bring you back afterward.

Of course, it was only so simple.

It took a lot of effort to shove you into a bathroom and lock you inside – after trying to let Ellie and Dina tend to your wounds. You had managed to claw Ellie across her neck, nipping her scent gland in the process, and almost had another stabbing incident – luckily Jesse remembered you had a knife before you did.

Eventually, Jesse and Ellie had taken Joel back whilst Dina had kept an eye on you and at some point, Jesse had come back with some reinforcements to help keep the mansion secure.

It had been three days since then and, apart from your pleading and animalistic calls to Joel, there was no real trouble. The only trouble was when another beta went to deliver your food and you had immediately attacked the stranger. Needless to say, Dina took care of all your meals after that.

Ellie had popped in once to check on you but otherwise hadn’t left Joel’s side.

Overall, your heat was starting to wrap up (though Dina was a little surprised that you hadn’t gone into another heat daze due to your injuries, but she’d ask you later).

Your scent was finally able to be concealed enough to let you ride back to Jackson and finally everyone could rest easy inside the walls once again. But of course, Dina had to keep you from galloping off in the direction of Joel.

Finally, you were back inside Jackson and Dina didn’t even try to stop you as you practically flung yourself out of the saddle and high-tailed out of there.

From what little Dina had managed to pry from Ellie about Joel’s injuries, the man had yet to wake up. Dina just hoped that it wouldn’t stay that way.

* * *

Your body was moving faster than your mind, your feet slapping against the ground as you sprinted across Jackson’s roads.

Heart beating like a drum, laboured breathing, and glassy eyes; you crashed through the infirmary entrance, ignoring the workers there who tried to keep you from thumping around in operating rooms and away from other patients. But you let your nose lead you – followed that dull scent of gunmetal and worn-out leather.

As you came to a stop at a door where the scent was the strongest, your hand halfway to the doorknob, you abruptly stopped.

Everything came crashing down; and you were scared of going inside that room. Perhaps it was just easier to walk away, to pretend that Joel was alive and well and that the lifeless image of the man you love was merely a dream.

Sighing, you leaned forward and let your forehead bump into the door frame. You could feel a whine bubble up in your chest as your omega desperately wanted to just walk through the door and see your alpha, but you also didn’t want to face the very real possibility that, that same alpha might not last much longer.

Fortunately or unfortunately, the choice was made for you at the door suddenly swung open and you stumbled forwards – trying to regain your lost balance.

“What’re you doing?” Ellie asked, brows furrowed in some semblance of confusion and concern.

You shrugged, not too sure of the answer yourself, and let Ellie drag you inside the little room, closing the door behind you.

Your eyes were immediately drawn to Joel, his figure lying prone on the bed, covered in off-white sheets. There was the missing lump of Joel’s right leg from the sheets of the covers, you adverted your eyes and took in the features of the alpha.

Both of his eyes were swollen closed (the left one was worse than the other and was a deep purple, bordering on black) and his nose was crooked – obviously had been broken multiple times. Joel’s hair looked to be raised and matted in places, but you knew it was likely swelling from multiple fractures in the skull. All in all, Joel looked like he’d been chewed up and spat out – some small part of you wondered how much pain the man would’ve been saved from if you hadn’t come.

Shaking your head from the thoughts you looked over to Ellie, silently asking for a rundown on his injuries.

“He’s not doing too well,” she sighed – you repressed a ‘no shit Sherlock’ comment, “His skull has been fractured multiple times – apparently it’s a miracle he’s still breathing – it’s likely he’ll have some brain damage, but to what extent we don’t know yet and won’t find out until he wakes up.

The majority of his ribs were broken, he was lucky none of them pierced his lung or even his heart with the amount of damage he took. His right leg was amputated and then cauterised because he wouldn’t’ve been able to survive the blood loss or the risk of infection. His pelvis was also fractured so he may not ever be able to walk - even with a crutch.

Left-arm was pretty bad and he likely won’t be able to use it again properly because his elbow was basically destroyed and his shoulder and collar bone both suffer from a few fractures. His right arm’s not much better but – if he wakes up – he should be able to use it with more ease seeing as his elbow is actually intact.

But otherwise, the main problem we face is brain damage. If bacteria enters through his wounds then he’s either a dead man or could come out of this as an entirely different person. We also run the risk of pieces of the fractured bone pressing inwards – although the doctors said they couldn’t find anything and there’s more risk trying to remove anything at the moment.”

Ellie flopped into a chair after she said her piece and you were once again staring a Joel. You were honestly surprised the girl had managed to get through all of that without bursting into tears – you certainly would’ve of if you were her.

You gingerly sat down in the chair next to Ellie, both of you taking in the appearance of the broken man and lapsing into silence.

Again, you pondered over the fact that maybe it would’ve been easier for, not only Joel, but everyone else if he never woke up. Although it was a horrible thought, you knew that Joel would suffer if he knew that he’d suddenly lost all of his memories of Ellie, or his demeanor changed completely and he turned sour and malicious (which is a very real possibility if his frontal lobe is damaged).

But, you knew that no matter what, that everyone would push past their own pain and stand by Joel – the alpha had a good group of people who were genuine and _cared_. It wasn’t particularly rare these days, but to build such a strong bond, to find and have a family, was hard to come across and to determine if the people around you were real or fake – acting was such an essential in some cases these days.

You were pulled by your musings by Ellie’s voice, which was barely above a whisper.

“Why’d you let them go?”

It was a good question.

You hummed in thought as you tossed it over. On one hand, you knew these kids had gone through a lot of pain and Abby had lost her father – a bond that was irreplaceable – and you knew that if Ellie had lost Joel in the same manner that she would’ve very likely done the same thing they had – hunt down the killer and kill them in return.

But on the other hand, you couldn’t really understand _why_ you let them go. You didn’t know Abby and the others for very long and when you replayed what they did to you, to _Joel_ , you could feel anger and revulsion bubble up in your chest. Perhaps part of you wanted to end the cycle of violence. Perhaps their little mismatched group reminded you a little bit of your own pack. Perhaps you just wanted to get out of this all alive and focused on that instead of vengeance.

“Who knows,” you settled on. Because really, who _did_ know? Certainly not you.

“You’re deflecting,” Ellie stated, her eyes not leaving Joel’s form.

You sighed. “It’s a little hard to settle on one answer. In some respects I have my own reasoning, in others I don’t really know why I let them go. All in all, it was a decision I made because I was more focused on the survival of myself and you two than anything else.”

Ellie didn’t say anything for a while and you two both went back to the deafening silence. Before-

“I don’t think I can let them get away with this,” Ellie said.

You tore your eyes away from Joel and looked over toward the girl. Her brows were furrowed – in what? You weren’t too sure. Concertation perhaps, maybe frustration. Either way, Ellie wore a face you were all too familiar with.

“Revenge is both childish and reckless,” you said, a firmness settling into your soft voice. Ellie went to protest but you just held up your hand, silencing her – it was then that you noticed the dark bags that dragged under her eyes. “We can talk about this later, but first we need to be here for Joel.”

Ellie sighed, her shoulders slumping in defeat. “Yeah, okay.”

You couldn’t help but indulge your instincts to release some calming pheromones for the high-strung alpha. Ellie seemed to relax even further into her seat, the sharpness in her features shifting into something softer.

It was long until you found Ellie dozing off, her head resting on your shoulder and you leaned over and put your hand atop of Joel’s.

You could only hope that everything would be alright.


	20. Open Your Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was kind of a ramble so sorry 'bout that, but oh welllllll

Nearly ten days had passed since the last time Joel had been conscious - since Joel had been beaten within an inch of his life.

Time was grating on both Ellie and you. One could see it through the colour that had vanished from both of your cheeks, the dark bags that hung below your eyes, and the way the two of you could barely stand – constantly swaying with exhaustion.

Dina had tried to lift the mood but had quickly realised that, that was a fruitless endeavour and instead tried to keep the two of you distracted which, once again, proved useless as neither you nor Ellie could barely move without the risk of collapsing with exhaustion.

You honestly couldn’t remember the last time you had gotten proper sleep. Only passing out when your body could no longer hold itself up and, even then, that only gave you a handful of hours of restless sleep.

Currently, you were moping around your house as Maria had kicked you out of the infirmary after she caught you trying to sneak in after she explicitly told you to go home.

 _S’not my fault my omega can’t sit still,_ you thought to yourself bitterly; and it was true. Your omega couldn’t sit still, constantly pawing at your mind and willing your feet to move in the direction of Joel. The constant need to be in the alpha’s proximity was overwhelming, but you also couldn’t bring yourself to feel annoyed by it, too worried about the man yourself to care about the antics of your other half.

Dina had asked you why you hadn’t gone into another heat daze and that was because your heat was forcefully triggered in an (animalistic) attempt to divert attention to yourself and, therefore, your body and omega was prepared to face injury and danger. Although, you hadn’t completely known that answer, not until one of the doctors told you. Either way, you were bored, bone-tired, and breaking bit by bit. 

It hadn’t escaped your notice that Ellie had started to distance herself from you – even in your exhausted state.

You couldn’t blame her.

You were more than sure that she was apprehensive of you due to your ties with the group that had come after Joel – which was fair. To be perfectly honest, you were just glad that the alpha hadn’t tried to keep you from Joel.

Despite trying to talk to Ellie, the girl had shut herself off. Even Dina and Jesse were having a hard time getting through to her. You weren’t surprised they were struggling to get the alpha to open up – you were naturally reserved, and yet, when your pack started to fallout you had become monotonous and guarded. You could see Ellie becoming the same and it hurt to watch.

A lot of your time was spent deep in thought about Abby and the others. You weren’t too sure what to make of the situation anymore and at some point, you had just come to accept their wrong-doings and had just let them go – too relieved over the fact that they had spared Joel to hold anything against them. But you could see that Ellie wasn’t the same. You could see it in that deep-rooted hatred that blossomed in her eyes every time she scanned Joel’s injuries. You could see it in how she held herself, tense and ready to attack in the blink of an eye (despite her obvious fatigue).

It didn’t take long for it to hit 2 weeks since the ‘golfing incident’ (as you so wittingly dubbed it) and Joel had still yet to stir.

You were currently sitting next to the alpha, your hand holding his and your thumb running over his knuckles.

“Some people would say that you could hear me – perhaps not understand what I’m saying, but to know that you could possibly hear me is enough.” You sighed, letting your shoulders sag as you stared at Joel. “To be honest, it’s kinda awkward to basically talk to myself… But I guess sometimes thinking aloud helps organise your thoughts in a sense. Trying to explain emotions makes it easier to label them in a way.”

You could feel your throat starting to constrict as you waited vainly for the alpha to stir. To see any sort of sign that he was listening, that he could hear you.

You sighed again – a weary thing that let the rest of your muscles uncoil, leaving you drooping and defeated.

Bringing Joel’s hand upwards, you brought his knuckles to your forehead, letting the warm skin of the alpha calm you.

It was okay.

Joel was alive.

Things will work out.

They had to…

* * *

It was as the 18th day rolled around, that you were abruptly woken up by the banging on your door – reminding you too much of the sound of bones creaking and cracking as the golf club was brought down again and again and again and agai-

You shook your head and shoved your panic back.

Stumbling upright, you padded over to the door and opened it.

The sight of Maria graced you. The woman’s lips were pursed, her shoulders tense but her eyes alight.

“Maria,” you greeted gruffly, wondering what was wrong but too tired to form more words.

“He’s awake.”

The statement had your eyes widening, your back straining to stand taller – straighter (as your wounds weren’t able to be tended to properly due to your heat so some of the bones had started to heal crookedly. It made it harder to walk and your spine ached every time you tried to stand up straight or had abrupt twists and turns of your torso).

You could feel your omega jolt and was starting to fight for control, for your feet to move, for your eyes to see the alpha and for you to hear that deep laugh once again.

But, as you moved to push past the other woman, Maria’s hand settled firmly on your shoulder, lightly shoving you back – her face was forcefully blank but her eyes gave her away. Blue orbs swimming in worry and apprehension.

“You…” Maria sighed, “You need to be aware that Joel may not… remember you.”

The admission caused your blood to run cold.

It wasn’t that you hadn’t considered the possibility… it was more that the reality of the situation was starting to hit.

You steeled yourself as you took in a deep breath, looking at Maria with resolve and determination.

“I need to see him,” you said.

Maria just nodded and the two of you walked started to head off in the direction of the infirmary.

“Tommy and one of the doctors have been asking him questions whilst I went off and gathered everyone – just to see where his mental state is at the moment. We don’t know how much damage has been inflicted but his head had suffered a lot of trauma so the possibilities are endless.”

You nodded along as Maria explained that it would take a while to try and identify any and all problems that Joel may potentially have.

Psychology was something that had always interested you and you knew a little bit about certain parts of the brain – although that information was tucked away at the very back of your mind, in a separate time of living and way of life.

It was as you neared the infirmary that you could feel anxiety start to creep around your chest and press uncomfortably around your ribs.

You hesitated at Joel’s door, hushed voices leaking through the cracks in the door.

Pulling your shoulders back and holding your head up high, you pushed open the door.

* * *

“You can be a real pain in the ass sometimes Joel, ya know that ‘ight?” Tommy said exasperatedly as he stared down at Joel’s prone form. “Honestly, making all of us worry like this…”

Tommy sighed.

The beta’s heart hurt as he stared down at his brother.

Joel. Tommy’s older brother that had practically raised him after their father had left and their mother had started spiralling.

The two were always glued to the hip as kids and had heavily relied on each other even as they grew older. Their bond had only ever grown stronger, even if it had frayed over the time spent apart due to the pandemic.

In some respects, their bond was hard to name – to label.

Despite Joel being older, they had both practically raised each other at some point. They were brothers, friends, and shared a bond that ran even deeper than the blood that bound them.

It was as Tommy was reminiscing in the past that he saw Joel stir out of the corner of his eye. Nutmeg eyes sluggishly opened before closing, cringing at the bright light above.

Tommy scampered to turn off the light – the window would provide enough light for now.

Joel’s form shuffled before a pained hiss seeped out of the alpha’s clenched teeth.

“Stay down,” Tommy said gently, placing a hand softly on Joel’s shoulder and giving him a small nudge of encouragement to lie back down. Thankfully, Joel complied.  
The two sat in silence for a while.

Tommy studied Joel.

The man’s eyes were glassy and dazed – it was likely Joel was very disorientated at the moment. Nutmeg irises flittered around the room lazily before landing on Tommy and sluggishly taking in the beta’s form.

It was then that a deep thrum erupted from Joel’s chest, vibrating through the room and changing slightly in pitch as he went.

Tommy’s eyes widened.

He hadn’t heard that call since they were kids.

Even before the outbreak Joel always managed to find trouble, or rather, trouble had always managed to find him.

There was a time where Joel had been strangled by some perv who was trying to force himself on a young lady and hadn’t been able to use his voice for a while. Another time was when he had a screaming match with their father and hadn’t been able to talk the next day. There were many other incidents where Joel hadn’t been able to talk or just hadn’t wanted to. So, the two of them had reverted to more innate methods and would communicate through their wolves.

They couldn’t _talk_ per se, but they could call for each other and help identify whether they were in pain, in need of something, or just simply wanted company (through various croons, grumbles, growls, snarls, and so on). It was a method of communication many could naturally understand, but the frequent use of it between Tommy and his brother not only caused them to become more in tune with their wolves but also expanded their way of ‘speech’.

“It’s okay Joel,” Tommy said quickly once he realised Joel’s tone was starting to border on a growl and he started to speed up in worry the longer Tommy hadn’t answered - the beta too lost in his musings.

The alpha started to grumble – a rather unpleasant noise that came out rather gurgled and strained.

Tommy snorted. “Someone’s outta practice,” he teased.

But Joel didn’t seem to comprehend him, a deep-set frown starting to wrinkle his brow as the man started to growl his throat bobbing slightly to make the sound warble.

The beta blinked at his brother.

“Uhhh- You alright there mate?”

At the mentioning of ‘mate', Joel’s pupils dilated and his growling turned to a deep croon that reverberated through the room.

That was…weird.

Tommy knew that Joel was probably thinking of you and if the alpha wasn’t acting so weirdly then the beta may have laughed at the reaction.

The beta decided to try and talk with Joel using his wolf.

An off-pitch chittering filled the room as Tommy cocked his head to the side, further showing his confusion.

Joel’s crooning cut off and the alpha focused back on his brother, a sound between a growl and a purr made its way through his throat – indicating Joel’s own confusion (as he basically said ‘I don’t know’).

Tommy watched Joel for a moment before letting out a light croon as he got up – a silent reassurance that he’d be back.

Joel’s shoulders tensed but the alpha didn’t say anything as Tommy darted out the door, in search of a doctor and someone to go alert Maria that Joel was awake.

* * *

“It’s likely to be Aphasia,” the dark-skinned beta said as he turned away from Joel and looked towards Tommy.

“English?”

Merlin just shook his head at Tommy’s response, rolling his eyes as he did so.

“It’s an impairment of language. It can affect the production of language, as well as the comprehension of it, as well as impact the ability to read and write.”

…

 _Well fuck,_ Tommy thought as his eyes flittered down to a confused Joel who seemed to be exerting himself with just trying to _understand_ what the two were saying, much less comprehending it.

But wait – “Joel was able to understand me when we were talking with our wolves.”

The statement made Merlin lift a dark eyebrow in questioning.

Tommy sighed and turned to Joel, catching the man’s attention immediately. The beta let his throat constrict as a purr bubbled up in his chest and caused a whinny, aborted sound to escape.

The beta was asking Joel if he was okay – if he was in any pain.

Joel blinked slowly before letting a hum vibrate through the room, changing back and forth in pitch; meaning Joel couldn’t tell.

Tommy frowned.

“You got him on any pain killers?” Tommy asked as he turned to the other beta who was studying them curiously.

“Yes,” he replied.

That probably meant Joel was feeling numb – the medication was either wearing off or the pain was bleeding through it.

Tommy turned back to the doctor – who just raised a brow at his expectant look. Tommy sighed.

“I asked if he was in pain and he said he wasn’t sure – probably means he’s feeling numb.”

Merlin nodded slowly.

“Melody and singing require the use of the right side of the brain so it’s likely the way you talk is using that side of the brain, meaning Joel can understand you easier.”

Tommy stared at the dark-skinned beta, dumbfounded.

“Brains are complicated,” Tommy settled on.

“Sure are,” Merlin snorted.

“Do you know what else could be wrong?” Tommy asked softly.

Merlin just sighed, “Could be anything really. Changes in personality and social behavior may occur, but whether they are subtle or not depends on how extensive the damage is. He’s likely to have some memory loss, but whether it is because of the psychological trauma of the event or because of brain injury will have to be determined later. Though he remembers you, so it’s likely to just be partial amnesia. He can experience loss of coordination, inability to judge distance and perform rapid, alternating movements. Honestly, at the moment anything is in the playing field.” The beta shrugged as he looked solemnly at Tommy.

“Jesus- Fuck!” Tommy hissed as he ran his hands through his hair – he absently noticed that they were shaking.

A growl tore through the room, startling both men who turned to Joel only to see the alpha glaring daggers at Merlin.

The man took it in stride though, releasing a soft chuckle. “Your scent has spiked – he probably thinks that’s my fault.”

Tommy huffed out a laugh as he turned back to Joel and sent him a reassuring smile. The beta was hoping that his brother wouldn’t catch the strain of the movement, but Joel obviously had – if the way his eyes narrowed was any indicator.

Joel opened his mouth to speak but was suddenly cut off as the door swung open and you waltzed in – looking like the epitome of anxiety and confidence.

Then nutmeg irises met (e/c) ones.


	21. Can't You See?

When Ellie barged into the infirmary room she wasn’t expecting the sight that greeted her.

Joel was glaring at you in disdain even though his arms were snaked around your waist and it seemed to take all of the alpha’s willpower _not_ to drag you to lie down with him – instead you were sitting awkwardly on the side of the bed enduring Joel’s glaring.

The alpha was also fucking _purring_ of all things and appeared to be rather scandalised by the sound that he was making, which just seemed to add to the animosity of his scowl.

All in all, it was an odd and contradictory sight that welcomed the alpha girl when she slammed the door open.

Tommy was off to the side, watching the two with a mix of amusement and concern that scrunched his face up in a moronic way and Ellie had to resist rolling her eyes at the beta.

“Ellie,” Joel greeted – or it _would_ be a greeting if it didn’t sound so much as a statement.

Ellie’s eyes flicker over to you, who just watched her and Joel apprehensively. Though Ellie wasn’t entirely sure _why_ because it seemed that Joel remembered her and there was no reason for you to look like a bomb was about to go off.

“How’re ya feeling?” Ellie asked, taking her eyes off of you and focusing back on Joel, who had yet to stop purring and just tugged you closer, causing the alpha to whip around and glare at you like it was _your_ fault that his arms moved.

“I—” Joel’s face scrunched up as he seemed to force out his next words, or, well, word. “Fine,”

“Uh-huh,” Ellie said, _totally_ convinced (note the heavy sarcasm), “so what’s up with you two?”- Ellie ignored your panicked look as you silently flapped your hands around in an effort to get the other alpha to shut up – “Thought you two were starting to get all buddy-buddy.”

You slumped forward, pouting as you crossed your arms over your chest and pointedly looked away from Joel.

Joel just turned to glower at you again.

Okay… Now _that_ was odd.

Ellie glanced over towards Tommy who looked entirely put off by the current situation (although Ellie still couldn’t figure out what exactly that situation _is_ ), and just sent Ellie a shrug.

Well, that was helpful.

Sighing, Ellie turned back to you and merely raised an eyebrow.

Unfortunately for Ellie, you were a stubborn bitch and refused to say anything and Ellie knew very well that Joel wouldn’t cave anytime soon and so, all three of you, looked towards Tommy.

“Don’t drag me into this!” The beta squawked indignantly.

No one said anything, just continued to stare at the increasingly uncomfortable beta.

Tommy shifted in his seat for a little bit before caving and throwing up his hands. “Fuck! Fine!”

The beta huffed before dramatically sagging back into his seat grumbling.

“Couldn’t hear you,” Ellie said impatiently.

“He doesn’t remember her,” Tommy said through gritted teeth.

Ellie whirled back around to you before turning back to Tommy, pointing to the pair behind her.

“Then why the _fuck_ are they like that!?”

“Apparently it’s because his alpha recognises her but _he_ doesn’t,” Tommy concluded.

Ellie turned back to you and Joel. Honestly, the position the two of you were in was no longer as baffling as it was when she’d first burst into here, but it did cause her heart to twitch in pain.

You looked uncomfortable and upset, obviously only just finding out about the news yourself. Yet, you couldn’t get away, not with Joel holding you tightly into place.

Joel on the other hand, looked flat out annoyed by your presence, even though he wouldn’t (or couldn’t) let go of you.

It was odd for Ellie to see.

Joel had softened since they settled down at Jackson and, honestly, the two of you hit it off immediately. Perhaps part of that was just being compatible, but Ellie didn’t think so. That Abby-girl had said that you didn’t believe in those kinds of tales and, Ellie loathed to agree, but you didn’t seem like the kind of person to rely on such myths; or, at least, to not let it get in your way of treating people differently based off of it.

So, it hurt Ellie a little when she saw the predicament the two of you were in. It also certainly didn’t help with the guilt that suddenly washed over the red-head. Ellie was avoiding you, feeling more than a little suspicious and betrayed by your relations to the group that had attacked Joel, but it suddenly came as a realisation to Ellie, that, that wasn’t your fault.

The words that alpha had said to you about Joel killing the last of your pack were also very likely to be true, and still, you risked your life for both Ellie and Joel.

An onslaught of emotions thrashed through Ellie’s being. Hurt, sadness, guilt, the bloodlust of revenge, and the painful need for some sort of violence. All these ugly emotions writhed inside of the alpha and Ellie suddenly felt like the room was very, very small.

“-llie? Ellie!?”

Ellie’s head snapped up and she came face to face with your worried eyes. A deep, dark humming registered through her ears and it took Ellie a moment to realise it came from Joel who’s eyes flicked worriedly over Ellie and venomously over you.

“I’m fine,” Ellie whispered, averting her eyes.

“Ellie…” You said gently as you softly grasped her shoulder, “You don’t have to be okay.”

Ellie just shook her head. “I think I should go,” she said, addressing the room, before turning around and fleeing.

* * *

“What did—” Joel fumbled over his words as he glowered at you. He just couldn’t fucking get out what he wanted to say and, occasionally, what was said to him or others seemed to go in one ear and out the other. “What you- Did…Fuck-! What do you!?” Joel finally managed to spit out after Ellie had fled the room.

He couldn’t understand what few words were exchanged between the omega and Ellie, but Ellie looked hurt and he wanted to fucking throttle the answers out of you.

You, on the other hand, just returned Joel’s glare head-on. “I didn’t do anything,” you snapped – voice low and far too calm for the venom in your tone.

It was hurting how Joel was suddenly treating you like a threat. Even though he didn’t remember you, he was treating you with such caution and animosity.

Tommy had pulled you aside beforehand and had said that Joel was acting more like he had before he settled in at Jackson; all sharp words and cold bitterness. It was funny in some ways. You saw much of yourself in the twisted anger on the man’s face.

“Joel…” Tommy said gently. Joel just huffed before snarling and growling at his brother.

“Calm down!” Tommy snapped at his brother, before sighing and turning towards you. “He… wants you to leave,” the beta said softly.

You tried to hide the hurt that flash through you, but from the looks of it, Tommy saw it. Sighing you bid goodbye to Joel and Tommy before striding out of the room.

The moment the door shut behind you, a high pitched keening filled the room.

“For fuck’s sake Joel!” Tommy huffed as Joel continued to call out for you.

The alpha just looked confused at the noises that came out of his throat. Joel didn’t want the omega here but his alpha was going wild to go find you, to bring you back and hold you in his arms.

“Wha-at…Sh-they, _why_?”

Joel just watched his brother sigh as he shook his head.

“Do you remember anything about her?” Tommy asked slowly, making sure that Joel understood what he was asking. His brother just frowned, his eyes glossing over as he filed through his memories.

The two sat in silence for a minute or two before Joel spoke up.

“We-Mess hall…Vodka?” Tommy just burst out laughing, ignoring the confused look on Joel’s face.

“Oh my- I love that, _that’s_ what you remember!” Tommy cried, laughter still evident in his voice. The beta let out one more chuckle before facing Joel again, a tad of hope nestling in his chest.

“Yes that happened. You two stole some vodka and got insanely drunk one night,” Tommy laughed lightly, “That all?”

Joel just nodded, brows furrowed. “Don’t…Much remember ‘bout- tha-then,”.

Tommy just nodded along, “That’s not surprising, but anything else?”

Joel shook his head.

“That’s okay,” Tommy smiled, “You two can just make new memories; and I’m sure (y/n) will be more than happy to answer any questions you have about that night.”

* * *

_“-ey’re holding us all back!”_

_You frowned as Elijah’s voice boomed through the library you all were residing in. It was rather early in the morning, judging by the small rays of light that dusted across the dark, stormy sky._

_Carefully detangling your legs from the small pile you found yourself in with Riyana, Isaac and Cherry, you snuck out of the makeshift bedroom._

_Following the hushed voices, you found yourself leaning up against a door that typically led into the upstairs room that Isaac usually occupied. Leaning up against the door, you pressed your ear against to wood to hear what was being said._

_Although you weren’t a fan of eavesdropping, Elijah was acting more…volatile lately, and you were nervous to leave him alone with anybody._

_“-‘re a pack! No one gets to decide who is and isn’t allowed to be a part of it.” That was Milo’s voice. Frowning you tried to hone your hearing to catch every whispered cursed and hushed exchange of words._

_“We’re all gonna fucking die if we don’t get rid of them!”_

_“Those people have names!” Milo snapped._

_“You just don’t want to banish them because you’re fucking one of ‘em,” Elijah snarled. “You know as well as I do that they will be our demise,” the beta hissed, “You saw Mai! She was the first to fall, what about the rest of us!? Does this pack mean so little to you, that you’re willing to risk all of our lives because of_ them _!?”_

_You could hear shuffling and a growl started to thrum through the room._

_“Isaac, (y/n) and Riyana are part of this pack! If you think so lowly of them, to put your survival and selfishness above everybody here then you should leave,” Milo said darkly._

_Footsteps started to approach the door and you knew they were Milo’s. But it was the cock of a gun that drove you to shove the door open and push the alpha to the ground, right as a gunshot echoed off the walls._

_You looked upwards to see Elijah scowling at you, training his gun to hit right between your eyes, but Milo shoved you off of him in the nick of time and then the thundering footfalls of the others who had come rushing upstairs due to the commotion registered._

_Throwing yourself forward as Elijah’s eyes darted to the door where Isaac burst through, you quickly disarmed the pale man and pinned him to the ground._

_“Get your hands off of him!” Robert yelled as he bodily threw you away from his friend. Vanessa running over to check that her alpha was okay and check on Elijah._

_“What’s going on here!?” Cherry demanded as Isaac helped you up off the ground._

_“He just tried to fucking kill Milo!” You spat, causing Isaac to whip around to check on his boyfriend. Milo just raised a hand dismissively, before turning back to Elijah._

_“I don’t want to hear of this again. Are we clear?” Milo asked._

_“Of course,” Elijah sneered._

_Unfortunately, that was only the start of the rift._


	22. The Start Of The End

Sighing, you continued to stroll aimlessly around Jackson.

Your head was oddly quiet. Perhaps your thoughts were just too fast for you to process.

Either way, you soon found yourself in front of Joel’s house. There were flowers woven in the fence and strewn across the front yard. ‘Get well’ cards flapped in the wind as you absentmindedly made your way inside.

Your bowl of cereal was still sitting on the small table pushed up against the kitchen wall. It only served to make the house feel more empty.

The sun was starting to set and the house was cast in a dull glow, the cream walls appearing more grey than anything. The comforting scent of Joel was drab and barely wafted through the house anymore, too many nights that were spent inside the cramped infirmary room had led to Joel’s scent almost disappearing.

You were staring distractedly around the room, eyes languidly roaming the dreary house. It wasn’t until the creaking of the stairs drew your attention to Ellie, whom had stopped dead in her tracks the moment she saw you.

A faint blush crept up the girl’s neck as you took in her appearance. Puffy, red-rimmed eyes and shaking hands that clasped Joel’s guitar closely to her chest.

You felt a smile tug gently at your lips as you remembered all the times you had sat next to Joel as he strummed the strings of that guitar. A pang of hurt flashed through your chest, but you ignored it and turned fully towards Ellie.

“Hey,” you said softly. The girl had been quiet and reserved lately, and you were sure seeing Joel once again was probably a shock. Ellie certainly seemed surprised when she found out that Joel didn’t _actually_ remember you.

“Hi,” Ellie murmured, one of her hands coming up to rub idly at the back of her neck.

“You gonna play?” You watched as Ellie shuffled before nodding hesitantly. You just gestured for her to follow you out on the porch.

Flopping down onto the wooden bench, you leaned back and closed your eyes as Ellie tentatively sat down next to you.

After a few moments of hesitation, the soft strumming of chords filtered through the air. You let out a breath you hadn’t realised you were holding and just listened to Ellie play.

It was when the girl started to sing, that you turned to watch her.

“If I ever were to lose you…I’d surely lose myself,” Ellie's voice was soft, but you could hear the faint shake through her words. “Everything I have found here, I haven’t found by myself. Try and sometimes you’ll succeed… To make this man of me,” Ellie's voice took on a softer tone as she gently trailed off. “All of my stolen missing parts, I’ve no need for anymore… Our future days… Days of you and me…”

The two of you stewed in silence for a short while, before Ellie decided to speak up again.

“Joel taught me that song,” She said gently.

“Thought so,” you smiled.

“I’ve never… Shown it to anyone before.” The confession made you turn to face Ellie again, quietly regarding her.

“May I ask why you honoured me with such a song?” Ellie blushed at your questioned and you couldn’t help the chuckle of amusement that bubbled up in your chest.

“I… I don’t really know,” Ellie frowned. “I just felt like you needed to hear it,” You smiled at Ellie admission.

“Thank you,” you replied, your voice sincere and soft.

The two of you lapsed in silence again; and, although it was filled with the tension of unanswered questions, it wasn’t necessarily uncomfortable. Ellie had started up her strumming again, lazily stroking chords and fumbling through melodies and songs, whilst you just hummed along under your breath.

“I’m sorry,” Ellie said as she fiddled with the chords of her guitar, unconsciously trying to find matching chords and a flow of rhythm.

“What for?” You hummed.

“For avoiding you… and for not being able to let this go,” you felt your brows dip in confusion. “I can’t let this go. I just- I can’t face Joel knowing I just lied there and did nothing.”

“Ellie—”

“No!” She cried, before sighing and slumping back in the chair, running her hand through her hair and pulling some strands away from her loose bun. “Sorry… Just, they can’t get away with this. They- they hurt _Joel_.”

Ellie was frowning and you could see the internal conflict that flashed across her face. But you understood. You knew how much Joel means to Ellie and you could always smell the anger and bloodlust that lay dormant under Ellie’s scent of pine trees and campfire smoke. But you also couldn’t let her fall apart, couldn’t let her self-destruct.

“I don’t think I can let you do that,” you hedged.

“I’m not asking you to,” Ellie said determinedly.

You let your eyes roam over the features of the girl. Taking in her freckled face, the small indents that littered her skin in tell-tale signs of old scars. You stared into green eyes that bore into your own, watching the forest fire that ignited behind them.

“Doesn’t mean I won’t try to stop you,” you fired back. You felt your shoulders starting to tense and could see Ellie’s doing the same.

“You can’t stop me – stop this. They can’t just get away with this!” Ellie was now standing, looking down at your, face twisted in anger.

“Ellie,” You started cautiously, “You didn’t just lie there. You were outnumbered and that was something you had no control over… I understand how you feel, but Joel needs you right now and… Sometimes violence isn’t always the answer. Sometimes, you just gotta let go.”

“But do you understand? Do you really? Because if it weren’t for your relationship with them, it’s likely we would all be fucking dead! And Joel doesn’t even remember what happened! He doesn’t know that I- that I couldn’t _do_ anything. That I didn’t do anything… and-and I owe it to him to do this- to kill them all. Fuck! We don’t even know if they’ll come back or not!”

Ellie was now pacing, her breathing was starting to become laboured and it suddenly hit you. Ellie was still very much a child, unknowing in the ways of the world and the lessons it teaches.

And revenge is nice, sure, but it is also dangerous and comes with its own set of consequences. Ellie didn’t understand that. Hadn’t learnt how to properly deal with grief in a world where violence and death supposedly solves all your problems. Anxiety, social situations, grief, revenge, pain and so many other emotions that Ellie had yet to learn how to properly cope with.

It was in that moment, that, you knew, that there was no way to stop Ellie. Regardless of what you say, this is a lesson she has yet to learn and one you could not teach. But what you said before was true, you weren’t just going to let Ellie do this without putting up a fight. But you also knew that pushing Ellie to stay will only push Ellie to leave.

So, you made up your mind to inform both Joel and Tommy about the situation and try and get them to talk Ellie out of it. If anyone was going to convince Ellie otherwise, it was one of those two.

Sighing, you called out to Ellie gently, bringing her pacing to a halt. “Why don’t we go inside?” You smiled, but even you could tell it was strained.

Ellie just jerkily nodded her head, before the two of you shuffled inside and you pottered around the kitchen as you prepared the two of you dinner in Joel’s little kitchenette.

It still felt empty and the tension of your conversation with Ellie before grated on the room’s atmosphere.

But either way; both of you ignored the elephant in the room.

* * *

Tommy had decidedly dragged you back to the infirmary the next day- when Joel was conscious again- because he couldn’t stand Joel’s fucking whining, no matter if it was his alpha or not.

So now you found yourself, once again, pulled to sit practically in Joel’s lap who was glaring daggers at you despite his purring and the tight clutch his arms had around your waist.

You decided now was a good a time as any to bring up your conversation with Ellie, and that would also break the awkward silence the three of you were currently in (because Joel refused to let Tommy leave), so two birds with one stone you guessed.

“So…” _Yup, great start right there,_ you thought bitterly to yourself. “I, uh, talked to Ellie the other day and… She’s basically planning to go after Abby and stuff,” you trailed off.

Joel looked confused – he probably had no clue what you just said due to your wording – and Tommy just looked stunned.

“Ellie?” Joel asked, brows furrowed.

“Ellie’s planning on going after the people that hurt you,” you said, watching Joel intently to make sure he understood what you were saying. “Says she can’t face you after she basically just lied there and did nothing.”

“That dumb,” Joel snorted, whilst you smiled at the alpha. Joel couldn’t even remember what transpired and even he knew that Ellie would’ve and _had_ put her all into trying to protect him.

“Wait, so, Ellie’s going after these people and you just -What? Let her?” Tommy asked, bringing his chair closer to sit in front of the two of you.

“No. I told her not to… But you’ve also got to remember that she’s grown up in a world where killing has forever been the answer and she doesn’t know how to properly cope with grief, guilt and the likes,” you said. “And this isn’t a lesson I can just tell her about – she’s gotta figure it out on her own.”

Joel started to growl.

“He can’t keep up with what you’re saying,” Tommy supplied.

You huffed and turned to face Joel. “Ellie hasn’t learnt how to cope with emotions properly.”

Well, Joel seemed to understand that somewhat since he stopped growling and just cocked his head to the side in confusion – although it didn’t seem he was confused about what you said, more confused about what you meant.

“This world deals with grief and pain through violence. Ellie hasn’t learnt otherwise because she’s never been given the opportunity,” you said slowly.

Joel was scowling at your slow voice – probably didn’t like being talked to like a child – but you ignored him because you saw that he understood what you had said.

“So what’re you gonna do about it?” Tommy asked.

“Nothing I can do, really,” You shrugged, “That’s why I’m telling you two. If anyone can talk her out of this, then it’s one of you two.”

You could feel Joel nodding behind you whilst Tommy hummed in agreement.

“Okay, I’ll talk to her tonight them,” Tommy said determinedly. “In the meantime, I must prepare my speech!”

With that the beta darted out of the infirmary, ignoring Joel’s scrabbled attempts to yell at him to get his ass back in the room.

You looked at Joel awkwardly, not really knowing if the alpha wanted you to leave or not.

“What- Vodka night… happened?” You blinked at the jumbled sort-of-sentence, not comprehending what Joel was asking you. You confusion must’ve leaked onto your face as Joel frowned and tried to form a better way of explaining.

“Tha-the…Time, Mess hall, Vodka,” Joel nodded to himself proudly once realisation kicked in and you couldn’t help but giggle at the cute gesture.

“You remember that?” You asked, smiling goofily, joy filling your chest.

“Sort of,” Joel hummed.

“I have no clue whether that’s the alcohol talking or not,” you laughed.

Joel just watched you quietly for a moment, face devoid of emotion and carefully blank, before he asked; “Tell me?”

“About that night?” Joel nodded. “Well… I had the oh so smart idea to snag some vodka from the mess hall, whilst and you had the amazing idea to play some sort of truth-or-drink game – which was a horrible idea since we are both quite reserved; but either way—”

You rambled on and Joel just watched you. In all honesty, the man couldn’t comprehend half of what you were saying but he figured most of it out from the bits and pieces of the sentences he could understand. Either way, Joel was more than content to just listen to your ranting. Some part of him felt at ease as your voice filled the room and your hands gestured wildly around you. Perhaps, he would remember someday – about you, that is. But in the meantime, he would just have to make new memories with the omega before him – just like Tommy had said to.


	23. Where You Go, I Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this being late. I have been procrastinating with, well, everything in life tbh lolol.   
> Anyways~   
> This chapter is a little short and a tad shitty but I kinda needed a bridge for the next main story line (where we finally jump into all of the last of us p2 action!!)

The next two days were tense, but tranquil in a way.

Joel seemed to be warming up to you, but Ellie just seemed to fall deeper and deeper into the despair that plagued her mind. Apparently, Tommy had talked to the girl and had convinced her to wait in an attempt to get Maria to spare some townspeople to try and keep Ellie as safe as she could be.

Neither you nor Joel liked the compromise.

It was the day after, that you had found out that Tommy had left instead of Ellie. Now _that_ was not part of the plan. It also drove Dina and Ellie to take off in search of both Tommy and Abby’s crew.

You were seething and very much wanted to drag the three of them back and knock some fucking sense into them. Honestly.

Your anger also ended up with you driving your fist right into Jesse’s nose.

“What the _fuck!?_ ” The alpha snapped, cradling his nose.

“You. Stay. Here.” You said firmly, pointing to the ground for emphasis.

“I can’t just let them do this on their own,” Jesse said sharply, his eyes hardened with determination.

“And you won’t,” You snapped. “I’ll go, you look after Joel.”

“Joel needs _you,_ not me,” Jesse said, pushing his shoulders back and standing to his full height, seemingly towering over you. Anger and authority was starting to bleed into his scent and it made the hair on the back of your neck rise.

“Joel needs Ellie,” You snarled. “And Ellie doesn’t need to lose anyone else! Going by yourself if foolish, selfish, and _reckless_!”

Jesse seemed to back down a bit at that, but you could see that his mind hadn’t changed. It was in the way his eyes looked on with an air of sadness.

Sighing, the alpha nodded his head. “Okay,” Jesse said stiffly before turning on his heel stalking off.

You felt your shoulders sag and brought your hand up to rub at your temples. Shaking your head, you made your way to the infirmary to check on Joel – you weren’t sure whether Maria told him that the three had left yet.

Upon arriving into the infirmary there were doctors and nurses scuttling about in a hurry. You assumed that someone had come back from their patrol injured.

But, of course, once you reached Joel’s door you could hear yelling.

“What do you _mean_ he just disappeared!?” a voice boomed down the hallway. “That man can’t _walk_.”

You paused, took a deep breath, and turned around and walked straight out of the infirmary.

“I don’t have time for this shit,” you griped under your breath as you stomped through the snow-covered paths towards Joel’s place.

Barging through the door, you stopped and listened for any noise before pinpointing scuffling coming from upstairs. Sighing, you _very loudly_ made your way up the stairs. It seemed Joel had attempted to hide.

“I can see your foot, dumbass,” You snarked, watching as Joel’s (only) foot quickly pulled back under the bed. “Fucking idiot,” you mumbled as you walked up to the bed, quickly located Joel’s ankle and _pulled._ A garbled protest came from Joel as the man was dragged out from under the bed like a fucking child.

“You wanna tell me what you’re doing?” You asked, cocking an eyebrow at the pouting alpha.

“No,” Joel snapped.

“So I should just assume hiding under beds is a common occurrence then?”

“I-get…got-g- Ellie,” Joel muttered begrudgingly.

“Oh yeah,” You started, sarcasm dripping from your voice, “Because that’s a _great_ idea considering you’re an amputee and don’t even have a prosthetic.”

“Carve,” Joel huffed. It took you a moment to catch on, but either way you just levelled Joel with an utterly unimpressed look.

“First off, the wood will either rot or just snap in half. Secondly, you’re gonna need a spare if it gets damaged; and Thirdly, making a prosthetic will take time, which means Ellie will just get further and further away.” You said all of this very slowly, as if you were speaking to a toddler – much to Joel’s chagrin. You’re pretty sure you lost the alpha in the middle of your little rant, but he seemed to understand the majority. Joel just crossed his arms over his chest and glowered at you.

“Need- go to,” Joel grumbled.

Sighing, you stood up before helping Joel stumble to his foot and collapse back on his bed. You took a moment to look at the alpha – to _really_ look.

Joel’s skull had an indent above his left eyebrow, partially concealed by his hairline. The man’s face was littered in healing wounds and had a scar that ran just below his left eye. Greying hair was long and shabby – needing to either be tied up or cut. His skin was pale with exertion, still not fully healed.

“Okay,” You gave in, moving away from the alpha slightly. “I think I have an idea that we can use for a prosthetic – should be quick too. But we have to be _fully prepared_ to leave because I ain’t gonna have your blood on my hands.”

Joel nodded along, before watching you expectantly.

“What?” You asked, maybe a little harsher than you intended.

“Now?” Joel’s inquiry was more of a demand, even if the alpha titled his head a little, as if waiting for an answer.

You huffed before darting out of the room and into Joel’s studio, grabbing a foldable chair and a screwdriver, before dragging yourself back into the bedroom. Settling on the floor, you quickly unscrewed the chair, leaving you with the plastic backrest, seat, the two front legs, and the adjoined back ones. Helping Joel stand up, you compared how tall the metal pole was to the gap of Joel’s amputated thigh to the ground. Turns out you were only missing a few inches.

Your mind was racing with ideas and designs. Joel needed to be able to walk, but the prosthetic also needed to be comfortable and safe so that it doesn’t cause Joel any problems, and therefore ended up needing medical care.

“Okay…” You drawled, needing to fill the silence as you helped Joel sit back onto the bed.

“Feet- can carve I. More height,” Joel commented, frowning as he tried to make sure he made some semblance of sense.

“That could work,” You nodded. “How long will it take you?”

“d-one, tops,” Joel shrugged.

“One day?” You questioned. The alpha nodded in confirmation. “Sounds like we got a plan!” You grinned.

* * *

It was almost four days later that you and Joel were trying to sneak your way around Maria to get outside Jackson’s walls. The woman had noticed Joel had gone missing and had barged into Joel’s house demanding an explanation. You, of course, said you couldn’t find the other alpha, to which Maria just leveled you an utterly unimpressed look before giving you a 45-minute lecture and then promptly stormed out of the front door.

Trying to keep Joel away from Maria was annoyingly hard, even if she knew that he was ultimately with you. But you think, deep down, that Maria knew she had no hope of stopping Joel, just like she had with Ellie, Dina, Tommy, and Jesse.

Speaking of Jesse, the young alpha had departed the day before (much to your chagrin). It frustrated you that you hadn’t thought of recruiting Jesse’s help before he left. It would’ve made things much easier.

But, either way, there was nothing you could do any longer.

It was considerably hard to try and get to the horse stables with an amputee with an (admittedly) shitty prosthetic and the recognisable face of Jackson’s only omega resident.

Upon ‘sneaking’ into the stables, the two of you came face to face with Maria.

“Uhh,” Was your intelligent greeting.

The ash-blonde just sighed, turning on her heel and gesturing you to follow her. You spared a confused glace with Joel as the two of you cautiously trailed behind her.

“These two are yours,” Maria said as she jerked her head in the direction of two tacked-up horses. It was Mai and Darius, the two of them standing proudly, swathed with saddlebags and supplied.

“Maria—”

“It’s fine,” Maria interrupted, “It’s the least I can do.”

You studied the alpha for a moment, before nodding and helping Joel scrabble up onto Darius’ back before mounting Mai.

“Thank you,” Joel said quietly, looking down at Maria.

“It’s ok,” Maria said softly. “Now, get moving! It looks like there’s a storm heading this way so you better make some headway before it hits.”

You nodded to Maria before the two of you trotted out of the stables and then galloped into the expanse of the forest in front of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, my indecisive ass is (once again) reconsidering making this into a series...;-;   
> Thoughts?? Lolol. I kinda want this to flow, but I also think having parts would help break up the story a little??   
> Anyways, give me your opinions (they are greatly appreciated) and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	24. Long Way To Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHoA.... Sorry this is late... whOopS

Abby and Owen were currently standing in front of Isaac’s scrutinising eyes. The man’s shirt was tainted with blood – obviously having just come back from the torture chambers to welcome the crew ‘home’.

The group was ushered inside the deeper parts of Seattle upon arrival, and Abby and Owen were pulled away for a report on their journey.

In all honesty, Abby was rather surprised that Isaac had willingly risked some of his best men to go after Joel; but, then again, he was a man that prided on justice, and Abby knew he was more than happy to let the smuggler meet his demise. Especially considering their history.

But Abby wasn’t too sure what his reaction towards finding out that, not only had they not killed Joel, but had stumbled across you, would be. 

The ginger-blonde knew little about your relationship with Isaac. She knew you two were part of the same pack for a very long time and had travelled for a year or two after a supposed ‘fallout’. Then your little group stumbled across Abby’s father, Jerry Anderson, and had wound up joining the Fireflies. The facts got blurry from there.

“So,” Isaac drawled, watching the duo intently. “Is the deed done?”

There was some awkward shuffling that was shared between Owen and Abby before the latter decided to speak up – mainly because she was closer with Isaac and knew Owen was an old favourite of (y/n)’s, hence it was safer for Abby to bite the bullet.

“There were some… complications,” Abby hedged tentatively.

The dark-skinned man’s eyes narrowed. “Go on,” He said, tilting his head back in a seemingly innocent manner as the man swiped his hand out, gesturing for Abby to continue.

“Just before the final blow, a girl stumbled in upon the scene but was dealt with quickly – pinned against the ground. It was as we were finishing up that we…” Abby took a deep breath, steeling herself as she pushed her shoulders back. “We ran into (y/n).”

The room froze, suddenly thick with tension. Isaac’s eyes flickered over to Owen before focusing back on Abby.

“And?”

The question, admittedly, threw Abby a little off guard. She was expecting more of a reaction, not such a dismissive response.

“She… ended up saving Joel. But with his injuries, even if he did pull through, Mel said that he won’t get away without an amputation and some serious brain damage…”

Isaac’s eyes narrowed before he let out a chuckle. Such a quiet sound seemed to resonate throughout the dull room the three were currently in.

“So you’re telling me, that, that _bitch_ saved the man that ripped her away from this pack as well as—” Isaac abruptly cut off, the rest going unsaid throughout the room. The venom in his voice made both of the younger alpha’s cringe. “Did she tell you anything?” He questioned tiredly, rubbing at his temples.

“She said it was because they were… compatible,” Owen said warily.

“Like I’d believe that shit,” Isaac snorted.

“That’s what I said,” Abby mumbled under her breath.

The three lapsed into silence as Isaac seemed to drift off in thought. Both Abby and Owen knew that he was angry, despite not appearing obviously so.

“We’ll deal with this later,” Isaac sighed, standing up. “We’ve got more important shit to deal with than that fucking wrench.”

And, with that, Isaac walked out of the room, leaving the two younger alpha’s in silence.

“That went vaguely better than I expected,” Owen remarked.

“Shut it,” Abby huffed, elbowing the man in the side. “He’s not happy… But let’s hope our arses aren’t on the line for this. Letting Joel live _and_ not bringing in (y/n)? We’re lucky we ain’t got any bullets in our heads.”

Owen just hummed as the two headed out, silently agreeing simultaneously to put in some extra effort for their work in an attempt to appease the leader of the WLF.

* * *

_The rift had grown._

_Even when barely any words had been exchanged throughout the past few days, the ravine just seemed to grow. Pulling the pack apart and creating a bottomless chasm of unsaid words and constant tension._

_You, Isaac, and Riyana had started to make sure you were together at all times. Some of the pack members seemed to agree with Elijah’s belief that you three were just holding the group back due to your secondary gender. It felt unsafe to go anywhere in the base alone anymore._

_The base was originally a library. It was holed up in the middle of a country town and was rather big for its location. Either way, it was a good find. But it also meant that the rooms echoed a lot. Thin walls and all that._

_You had heard Elijah talking to himself before… Words of insanity. Plans of genocide against omegas and echoed words of Mai’s death being intentional. The man was becoming psychotic._

_Cherry and Milo had tried to keep your mind off of the man’s blame, but it was hard when you yourself believed that you were the cause of Mai’s death. If only you weren’t an omega…_

_Sighing, you shook yourself out of your thoughts and continued to skin the rabbit in front of you. Saving it’s pelt for later to make some new clothing. Winter was starting soon after all._

_You and Isaac were in charge of making the pack’s dinner tonight whilst a handful of the others went out to clear some Hunters that had been spotted settled in a nearby town._

_“You okay?” You asked after hearing Isaac’s grunt of pain._

_“Yeah. Kiddo just kicked is all,” Isaac huffed a laugh. “This one sure is feisty.”_

_You smiled at the other omega. Isaac has been pregnant for a few months now and it was certainly starting to show. His stomach was starting to noticeable bulge – looking less like a beer-belly and taking on the more unnatural shape that hinted at the beginnings of another life._

_“Thought of any names yet?”_

_Isaac hummed in thought as he continued to cut some vegetables the two of you had collected from the garden earlier. “Milo wants to call them Anubis if it’s a boy.”_

_“Isn’t that, that the Egyptian God of Death?” You frowned._

_“Sure is,” Isaac snorted. “But he likes the origin of it. Says that we already live in a hellhole and that Anubis would guide lost souls to the afterlife, as well as judge whether souls were good enough to be passed onto the afterlife or something…”_

_“Oddly enough, that has made me like the name more,” You laughed._

_“I had the same reaction,” Isaac smiled. “He found some book on Egyptian Gods and Goddesses and is a little obsessed. He also wants to name the baby Anat, if they’re a girl.”_

_“I like Anat,” You hummed._

_“Same,” Isaac smiled. “But I kind of want to name them after my mother if it’s a girl…”_

_“The cat’s already stolen that name,” You laughed._

_“I guess so,” Isaac said, shaking his head fondly._

_“What would you like to call ‘em if it’s a boy?”_

_“Icarus, perhaps.”_

_“You two are obsessed with mythology,” You giggled._

_“Icarus is a pretty name!” Isaac said, feigning hurt._

_“How about Issa?” You suggested._

_“Issa?”_

_“It’s an African name that means ‘salvation’,” You supplied._

_“… I like that,” Isaac said softly, smiling._

_“So I guess it’s either Anat or Issa,” You commented as you gutted the rabbit before sliding it into the boiling water on the stove._

_“I guess so,” Isaac hummed._

* * *

The storm hit the next day, forcing you and Joel to hole up in a house on the outskirts of the beginnings of a deserted town. You had to take out a few infected, but nothing too much. You’d been on horseback for almost 16 hours and you could tell Joel’s body wasn’t holding up very well already. The man was still recovering, after all.

You helped Joel get off the horse and reattach his prosthetic. The man was rather affronted by your nagging of him to not wear the prosthetic whilst riding because it put you both in danger if you needed to dismount quickly and _run_. But Joel no longer had a fucking knee joint and the metal pole was scaring the horse who kept walking to the right, trying to get away from the cold metal. It also was uncomfortable for Joel since he couldn’t actually get said prosthetic into the stirrup. So the man, albeit exasperatedly, gave in.

You dragged Joel inside one of the cleared houses and checked to make sure that all of the windows were closed and covered, checked all of the bathrooms and bedrooms before deciding to stay here for the night. It was as you were finishing up looting one of the kids' bedrooms that you stumbled across a note. It had a written message on it, the kid obviously having used crayon. The writing, oddly, got hastier and more rushed and harder to read as it went on.

_Mum says that the world is changing. So we have to leave the house behind. But we also have to leave Bronwyn behind… Just because she’s a dog doesn’t make her any less human!_

_The electricity is out so my phone is dead. I haven’t heard from anyone from my school._

_Apparently the neighbors, Mr and Ms Wickery have become different people. Whatever that means._

_This is bullshit! My life doesn’t fit into a bloody backpack. I don’t want to leave!_

You flipped the page to check the back and frowned at the sight of blood staining to crinkled paper.

_Something visited us. I don’t know what it is, or what it was… It was just screaming and crying and screaming. It sounded like it was in pain… It looked like the Wickery’s. It… It ate Mum! It’s banging at the door! SomeBoDY HeLP mE_

Blinking, you took a deep breath before stuffing the note into your back pocket. Kids that went through Outbreak Day… who were expected to up and leave at the drop of a hat. You wondered how many children had to watch the horror of their friends and family getting eaten that night.

You realised there were no bones in the room and pondered, hopelessly, if the child had managed to leave. If they were still alive.

Shaking your head you left the room, going back downstairs to join Joel, who was nibbling on a muesli bar.

“Hey,” you called out, as to not startle the alpha.

Joel grunted in acknowledgment, passing over another plastic-wrapped bar as you flopped down on the couch next to him.

“Wrong-?” You frowned at Joel’s words, sending him a confused look. Joel just pointed to you. “Some-… wrong?”

“Oh.” You said sheepishly, raising your hand to play with a loose strand of hair. “Sorry, just found this note. Makes me wonder about all the kids that went through that night…” You trailed off gently, your mind wondering. You could see Joel frowning and moving his mouth in the corner of your eye but no sound came out. In the end, the man just gave a frustrated huff and started to croon. You were so surprised by the noise that it took you a moment to realise that the alpha had pulled you into his arms.

Craning your head to look up at the man, you saw that his pupils were blown wide and, in that moment, you knew you weren’t with Joel, but his alpha.

Blinking owlishly up at the man, you were at a loss as to what to do or how to react. But you could already feel yourself subconsciously starting to relax in his hold. Sighing defeatedly, you just gave in and let your body melt against Joel’s.

It was a few minutes later when the man came back to his senses. You could tell by the way he suddenly tensed, seemingly frozen in time. Biting your lip, you wondered if you should save Joel the embarrassment and all that by removing yourself from him. But a selfish part of you just wanted to enjoy his embrace for a bit longer, even if it wasn’t really _Joel._

Just as you’d made up your mind to extract yourself from Joel’s grasp, you felt the alpha relax against you before pulling you more firmly against his chest. Whipping around, you looked up at the man in confusion, only to see that Joel was completely lucid, blinking down at you with a slight blush dusting his cheekbones.

“S’nice,” He mumbled as he buried his face into your hair to avoid your intense gaze. Smiling, you settled back against Joel.

“You okay?” You questioned softly, your voice more of a whisper to avoid shattering this peaceful moment.

Joel hummed in affirmation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I have decided to make this a series and all that. But I'll b writing this one for the majority of the tlou2 timeline and then aFtEr cErTAin eVEntS I shall make the other parts... I guess lolol


	25. Fate's a Bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WhOopS, sorrry this is late lolol my laptop decided to die on me in like the middle of the night. It t'was a sign for me to finally go and attempts the sleeps 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING:   
> There is mention/implications of past rape and prostitution, though it's not explicit.

Ellie knew that Dina wanted to asked why she was going through all of the effort of hunting down the WLF gang. In all honesty, Ellie just… Needed a distraction.

That night - when Joel was beaten, bloodied, and bruised; an inch of life left in his pummelled form – Ellie came to a realisation.

She was living _for_ Joel.

Despite all of their previous history, despite the lies and betrayal and _hurt_ that had strained their relationship recently, Joel was Ellie’s reason to keep living, to keep fighting. The fact that Ellie almost lost her purpose…

No, Ellie wouldn’t let that happen and she needed to protect Joel, needed to eliminate any and all threats. She couldn’t live without him…

_“You have no idea what loss is,” Joel said, a slight quiver in his voice. Nutmeg eyes harsh and cold, as if the man was speaking fact._

Ellie realised that Joel _was_ right. That she had no idea what loss was. But she had come pretty fucking close to experiencing it; and if it meant having to risk her own life to keep herself alive as well as Joel? Well, that was just killing two birds with one stone.

* * *

“I’ll stay up for the first watch and then I’ll wake you up in a few hours, _okay_?” You repeated for the umpteenth time.

Joel, for some bizarre reason, didn’t want you to stay up and take the first watch whilst he slept. Perhaps he suspected that you wouldn’t wake him up and just let the man rest. Which, yes, was your plan.

“Why…you-do-n- _Why_?” Joel huffed grouchily. You just sighed.

“I’m up first. End of story,” You snapped exasperatedly. Joel must’ve sensed that he’d lost the – already losing – argument and just crossed his arms over his chest petulantly.

It was a few hours later that the tossing started.

You had managed to coerce Joel to fucking _sleep_ , and have been awake ever since. Your body was begging you for some shuteye, but you knew that Joel needed it more.

It was rather annoying how soft your body had gotten after spending over a month basically lazing around Jackson. You even had a little fat on you.

Now, however, Joel was tossing and turning in all sorts of directions – making you wonder how the alpha was comfortable on the couch, his body half on the ground, and half on the couch.

Sighing, you padded over to the man and went to help him back onto the couch. But, as it turns out, Joel doesn’t do too well with physical contact in his sleep.

The alpha bolted awake, a sharp inhale of breath was your only warning before the man flailed and jumped to his feet, taking on a defensive fighting position.

Joel had, however, obviously, forgotten that he only had _one_ knee joint because as he tried to ‘bend’ his left leg - to help his stance and balance his weight evenly - the man ended up tripping over himself and landing flat on his ass.

“You okay there?” You asked, half-amused half-concerned.

Some sort of gargled response left Joel as he tried to heft himself up off the ground.

“You’re gonna need to work on crouching if you don’t wanna die,” You quipped, offering a hand to the other and helping to pull him off the ground.

“Fack off,” Joel grumbled. You barked out a laugh.

Joel stumbled back to the couch and you felt concern start to take over your features.

Striding up to the alpha, you lay your hand against his forehead, ignoring his hands that tried to swat you away. Frowning, you pulled away.

“You have a fever,” You stated.

“Great… deduction Sher-detective,” Joel said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. You huffed a laugh.

“I’ll be back,” You chirped before going off to hunt the house for any blankets you could use to keep Joel warm.

In all honesty, it wasn’t exactly a surprise that Joel had a fever. His body was obviously overworking itself after the beating he took and was now probably trying to kill any bacteria in his body. But, still, it was concerning. Especially since the two of you hadn’t even been on the road for a day.

Either way, the storm sounded like it would last a day or two, so you guessed that Joel should recover some more in that time.

Trudging back into the living room with an armful of blankets, you quickly wrapped a protesting Joel into a cocoon, before basically shoving him to lie down.

“Hot,” Joel griped.

“Good,” You snapped. “That’s the point of a fever, dumbass.”

Joel just growled softly at you. Obviously, the alpha didn’t want to talk biology right now.

Sighing, you let your hands card through the man’s thick hair. Joel tensed before relaxing into the contact. It was as you were combing through the knots at the nape of his neck that you felt something thick and warm. Frowning, you pulled your hand back and realised that Joel was _bleeding_.

“Fuck,” You cursed. “Joel, you gotta sit up. You can’t go to sleep yet.”

Joel just mumbled incoherently and you gave up and decided to push the alpha into a sitting position.

“Joel?” You asked, gently slapping his face to get him to wake up. “C’mon Joel.”

Sighing in frustration, you quickly set to work. Jumping over the back of the couch to get a better view of Joel’s injuries, you tried to navigate through the thick locks of hair.

“I’m gonna give you a haircut, Mister,” You warned as you grabbed your dagger and started to cut away. It looked like Joel’s skull had decided to open up again… _Wonderful_ (note the heavy sarcasm).

Fumbling around for your backpack, you quickly pulled out some first-aid equipment and got to work on bandaging Joel’s head.

The journey had barely started and yet fate seemed to be urging you to stay behind…

* * *

_It was nearing the middle of winter when everything fell apart. Ironically, it happened on the night of the new year._

_You were curled up by the foot of the fireplace, the fire itself long burnt-out, leaving you shivering in the cold it left behind in its wake. You never heard his footsteps, you never felt his hands pulling at your body so you were lying on your back. The only thing that you remembered was the searing, white-hot pain that suddenly burst through your shoulder, and the blood-curdling scream that tore itself from your throat as your eyes snapped open._

_At first, you merely saw the silhouetted figure of a man. But, as your eyes adjusted to the darkness, you could make out the features of Elijah._

_The redhead's hand wormed itself under your neck, so his fingers could pinch each side, right above where a bond mark would lay, forcing you to go completely lax._

_Panic started to coarse through your body. No one was supposed to be at the base. They had all gone out and left you to watch over it for the night. No one was coming for you. No one knew what was currently going on, in front of the fireplace, where you lay, deathly silent._

_“This is all your good for,” Elijah sneered, the beta’s spittle landing on your face. “A toy for others to use is what you were **born** to be.” _

_You felt the knife twist and you couldn’t scream, couldn’t move. Not with his fingers digging into the back of your neck, forcing you into obedience._

_That night was hazy, to say the least. Isaac had later said that you had ‘dissociated’, a term where you basically become detached from reality… You weren’t too sure, but Isaac was the ever-loving psychology nerd so you just went along with it._

_It was at some point during that night that you vividly remember, when the dark sky started to brighten, that Riyana had come barging into the room._

_There was screaming and yelling, her arms viciously encircling around Elijah’s waist before bodily hauling him off and discarding the man to the side. Then there was more shouting._

_Soon enough, Cherry stumbled into the scene, taking in your hazed form and your blood coating Elijah’s hands, and promptly flipped her shit._

_“What the fuck has **happened**?” Cherry hissed, her quiet voice cutting through the screaming match the other two were partaking in and left behind a horridly tense silence. _

_“Nothing,” Elijah shrugged nonchalantly, his earlier anger and aggression fading away into some sickening façade of innocence. “I just treat her like any omega should be.”_

_It was in that moment, that both Riyana and Cherry realised, that the beta truly believed what he was saying._

_“You’re fucking insane,” Riyana spat._

_“And you’re an omega, born to serve others,” Elijah shot back. No one missed the flash of hurt that crossed over the other’s face._

_Everyone knew Riyana’s past._

_The woman had been kicked out from her conservative household the moment she presented. Her parents not even having the courtesy to let her ride out her first heat before handing her a back-pack and shoving her onto the street. Riyana was only 16 then and was forced to drop out of high school._

_With her omega status, there were no jobs that were willing to take her in. So, Riyana was forced to use her omega status for other means of income._

_She never talked much about the following years of her… job. But it was clearly traumatizing, if any of the scars you had seen were to go by._

_So, for Elijah to tell her that she was merely a tool for others to use, well, that was a low blow, even for the red-head._

_Again, everything blurred from there. You were pretty sure you had passed out._

_When you had come-to, however, you found yourself in the make-shift infirmary with Cherry tending to your wounds. You noticed the beta’s hands were shaking._

_“What’s wrong?” Was the first thing that came out of your mouth once you also registered the haunted look that pulled at other’s features._

_“You’re always so worried about others and never yourself,” Cherry huffed out a laugh. “Was something was both endeared Mai and irritated her to no end.”_

_You smiled. “I can tell you and Milo are on the same page as her then.”_

_“Yup.”_

_“You gonna answer my question now?” You questioned, raising a brow. You knew Cherry was either stalling or just trying to distract you, but the pain you felt was still vividly etched into your memory and you needed to know…_

_“I’m… Fine,” Cherry conceded._

_You didn’t believe her, but you also didn’t push either._

_“When I found you… Riyana was already dealing with Elijah, sort of,” Cherry sighed, running a hand through her dark hair. “But… Everyone was starting to come back from that raid and so when Milo and Isaac got there, well, it goes without saying that they were out for blood. But when Milo went to approach Elijah… He, he grabbed Ri…”_

_You felt your eyes flutter around the infirmary, but there was no sign of another person. You desperately hoped that didn’t mean what you thought it did._

_“She… I’m so sorry, (y/n),” Cherry’s breathing became shaky and you had never seen the other woman cry, despite knowing her even before the outbreak. It was an odd sight to see the usually composed beta lose her level-headedness._

_“What happened to Elijah…?” You asked cautiously. Because, you weren’t sure you could stand seeing the man… Not after what he did with you, not after he killed-_

_“Milo banished him from the pack… But, uh, a few others left too. They said that, um, that Elijah was right and that if we couldn’t see that then we deserve to suffer…”_

_Silence overlapped the room as the two of you sat that, quietly brooding._

_“Who?”_

_“Vanessa, Robert and Jordan…” Cherry trailed off._

_You felt your eyes widen in surprise. You weren’t too shocked about Vanessa and Robert… but Jordan._

_Jordan always kept to themselves, but you had thought that they had gotten along quite well with Riyana and even Isaac. To say that you were more than a little stunned was an understatement._

_“Yeah, I had the same reaction,” Cherry snorted, obviously catching onto your train of thought._

_“So… There’s six of us now?”_

_“Yeah…”_

_Milo, Cherry, Harley, Isaac, Peter and you…_

_Fate has never been particularly kind to you, but you wished Fate could’ve let Riyana live…_


	26. The Past, The Present, And The Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! I have kinda been low on inspo for this fic at the moment. But have kinda picked it back up! YAY! Lolol  
> Anyway, if you haven't noticed, these chapters have been going back more into the past since, like, its a good opportunity instead of boringly describing what little things go on whilst we travel to Seattle with Joel.   
> Also, for this chapter, there is a panic attack and indicators of PTSD

It had been two days till the storm let up, but either way, you were glad. Joel had been able to have some recovering time, despite all of his protesting.

However, you now had to put up with Joel complaining about how much time the two of you have ‘wasted’, and how far away you were from reaching Ellie.

“It’s been a week already!” Joel exclaimed grumpily.

“I noticed,” you drawled.

“Why…You- can’t take this seriously?” You couldn’t really tell whether that was a question or not, but either way you responded as if it were one.

“Because we didn’t _waste_ time, you were healing and if you want to ever see Ellie then you gotta _not die_.”

Joel just huffed.

Rolling your eyes, you focused back onto the terrain in front of you. Your back was aching since it was now crooked after ‘Joel’s-almost-death-but-not-death Incident’, and all you wanted to do was lie on the ground and let the snow cushion your aching bones. But you had a feeling that Joel wouldn’t appreciate you ‘wasting time’ like that.

It wasn’t that you couldn’t understand Joel’s hurry, you two were on a time limit and Ellie, Dina, Jesse and Tommy were all in danger. But, as you had said before, if the two of you were going to get anywhere, you need to keep your health up. Unless Joel wanted further brain injury due to bacterial infection. Honestly, the man was lucky with how little consequence he had gotten from such trauma to the head.

Sighing, you let yourself think as the two of you made your way in the direction of Seattle.

You knew that it would take the two of you at the _very least_ a month to get there. With the infected around every corner, Joel’s injuries and how far behind the two of you were already; it wasn’t going to be an easy trip.

But you also couldn’t shake the feeling that something big was going to go down… You also hoped that you wouldn’t have to face Isaac again…

* * *

_Elijah, Vanessa, Robert and Jordan had taken off the next day without so much as a ‘goodbye’._

_You didn’t know why you were surprised. But, perhaps, you thought, that even with all of the bad blood between you all, that the happy memories would’ve still helped to bind you all together – enough for a farewell, at least._

_Sighing, you let yourself sink further into the couch, letting your hand graze over the deep gash on your collarbone. You had many other soon-to-be scars that littered your body, but you ignored them, just letting your fingers absentmindedly trace the scabbed-over flesh of your collarbone._

_It was now just Cherry, Harely, Milo, Isaac, Peter and you…_

_The walls of the library/base felt empty with so little people here. The paint-coated walls appearing more drab and the sun hiding behind the clouds. It no longer felt like home…_

_“Hey, you all good?”_

_You distractedly nodded your head, your fingers continuing to circle your flesh. **Round, and round, and round, and round…**_

_A sigh fluttered out of Cherry’s lips before she flopped down next to you on the sofa._

_“C’mon man, you’re never this quiet,” Cherry probed gently._

_And it was true. You were usually rather bright and bubbly – not obnoxiously so, and usually having a darker sense of humour than most…But, you tended to be loud and animated. Always waving your hands around dramatically when talking and forever bouncing on the balls of your feet whenever you were excited. However, now you just felt empty…_

_Even though, logically, you knew that it wasn’t your fault that Mai died. Even though it wasn’t your choice for Elijah and his group to leave. Even though, despite all of that, a little voice in the back of your head would whisper to you; ‘it’s been your fault from the start’._

_Annoyingly, emotions weren’t something anyone could control. You were no different._

_“I’m fine,” you mumbled._

_“Uh-huh,” Cherry breathed out, rolling her eyes as she poked your cheek – even when you slapped her hand away she persisted. It wasn’t until the flesh started to turn numb from all of her prodding that you groaned and sluggishly draped yourself over the armchair, away from her annoying antics._

_“What’s on your mind?” The enquiry was curious and Cherry rested her head on her knuckles and looked at you pensively._

_“As if I fucking know,” you grumbled. “Going too fast for me to keep up.”_

_Cherry chuckled. “Yeah, that’s 'cause you’re slow. Just like how you’re slow when it comes to calculus.”_

_You let a smug smirk flit over your lips at the indignant squawk that came from the other girl when you kicked her (literally) off the couch._

_“Asshole,” came the darkly muttered response from the other._

_“Well, I did beat you in that one maths test,” You quipped._

_“Yeah, sure. That was until I realised that the teacher marked me wrong,” Cherry drawled._

_“Fuck off.”_

_The two of you had known each other since high school… You two had also met Mai there._

_It was almost 7 years after the pandemic that the three of you had all found each other again. Well, ‘found’ is a strong word. More like attempted to kill each other before being raided by a pack of clickers and somehow surviving before the three of you realised who each other were._

_Either way, it was a memory that you were oddly fond of and, honestly, you couldn’t think of a more perfect way for you three weirdos to meet again._

_“-ar? Milo says Isaac’s gonna deliver in, like, two months or something.” You tuned back into Cherry’s ranting and felt yourself bolt upwards at the information._

_“Really?” You asked excitedly._

_“Yup,” Cherry said, popping the ‘p’._

_“Gosh, we’re gonna have a kid!”_

_Cherry snorted. “You make it sound like we’re an old married couple who’s getting their first grandchild.”_

_“It fucking feels like it,” You groaned. “I feel old.”_

_“Yeah, well, imagine how **I** feel? I’m three months older than you!?” _

_“Old fart,” you teased._

_“At least I don’t **act** like I’m a century old.” _

_The bantering went on for a while before the two of you were herded by Isaac into the make-shift dining room once dinner was ready. There, the tense, desolate atmosphere settled back in._

_You picked at your meal and completely shrugged off any and all attempts of small talk that some tried to kick up. It was awkward and it just felt **wrong** being at such a large table with the six of you barely taking up half of the table. _

_“(Y/n),” Isaac called out to you, and, before you could question him, the other omega just gestured you to follow before sauntering off. You shot Milo a questioning look._

_“Don’t look at me. I ain’t know what goes on in that head of his,” Milo shrugged. You just glared at the dark-skinned man because he was being **completely unhelpful**. _

_Sighing tiredly, you got to your feet and deposited your dishes in the sink before trailing after Isaac. Turns out, Isaac was drawing you a bath (it was truly a blessing that Milo was a plumber and had been able to hook up the tub, you all had dragged back to the base, to the library’s water supply)._

_“Wha—”_

_“Sit,” Isaac demanded, pointing to the toilet in the corner._

_“Uhh… Can I ask what’s happening right now?” You questioned, unsure whether to be amused or slightly terrified. Isaac just ignored you and he pottered around the bathroom, grabbing a washcloth and some soap, as well as pulling out your favourite shampoo and conditioner (which you had stolen from a hair salon nearby)._

_Dipping the washcloth in the body of water, Isaac wrung it out before coming over to you and swiping the damp cloth under your eyes._

_“Dude, is this some sort of mothering instincts or what?” You asked, crinkling your nose as the other omega continued to scrub away the layers of dirt smeared across your face._

_There was a rule amongst the pack. There was only one bath a week and everyone had to share the deathly cold water. It was in an attempt to try and save the rain water for cleaning dishes and foods. But, whilst it felt heavenly to get rid of the layers of grime that coated your skin, it was also confusing because Isaac wasn’t answering you and you were starting to feel just a little bit concerned._

_“Isaac?” You asked. The man must’ve heard the concern in your voice for he finally answered._

_“Dunno, but my omega’s just… needing to do this,” the older admitted. You could make out some colour tinging his dark cheeks and you felt yourself smiling._

_“What, clean me?” You teased._

_“That and spend time with you,” His serious answer caused you to blink owlishly up at the other, at a loss for words._

_“Get in the tub, I’ll wash your hair,” Isaac said whilst he turned to lend you some form of privacy._

_Gently, you pulled your top off, cringing at the pain that shot through your collarbone and lower-back. You shakily made your way into the tub, trying to ignore the cold water that prickled at your skin._

_It wasn’t necessarily odd for you all to see each other naked. Quite the contrary. You had seen at least everyone in your pack (including Mai and the others) naked at least once. It was just part of life now. Some needed help with wounds that couldn’t be addressed without undressing, and others needed help with bathing due to the severity of their injuries._

_“I seriously think this is an issue,” You lamented._

_“What?” Isaac’s tone was full of confusion as he brushed through your hair. You had to fight to hold back your laughter._

_“No, seriously Isaac. Milo’s gonna think you have the hots for me. Especially when you’re tryna get me naked,” You teased, craning your neck back so the other can see you waggling your eyebrows._

_“I am the farthest thing from straight, (y/n),” Isaac huffed, picking up a bowl and scooping up some water before unceremoniously dumping it over your head._

_“H-hey!” You sputtered, trying to cough up any water that had lodged itself in your throat and blinking rapidly._

_“Karma’s a bitch,” Isaac shrugged. “Hold still,” He grumbled, brushing through your now-wet hair before dousing it in water once again and then lathering it in shampoo._

_You sighed, leaning back into the touch as your body adjusted to the cold water._

_“You okay?” You almost missed Isaac’s question with how softly it was spoken._

_“Yeah…” You hummed._

_The two of you kept up some quiet banter as Isaac’s fingers ran through your hair and the two of you relieved some of your best memories with Riyana…_

* * *

“Joel, we should find somewhere to camp out soon,” You reminded the other, who dutifully ignored you.

The Alpha seemed hell-bent on going against time and distance to get to Ellie. Despite the girl having almost a week’s head start on the two of you.

Honestly, you had been riding for almost 19 hours (judging by your shitty watch) and Joel didn’t appear to be stopping anytime soon. Additionally, you were fucking tired and you couldn’t even begin to imagine how Joel was feeling.

So, you decided to, once again, follow your favourite saying (which had honestly become more of a motto at this point).

“Fuck it,” you murmured, bringing your horse, Mai, to a halt. Dismounting, you quickly jogged up to Joel. The fact that the other hadn’t even registered your noisy approach was just an indicator of how tired he was.

Grabbing the man’s right leg, you tugged harshly – causing Joel to lose balance and end up tumbling to the ground. In the next moment you had a gun trained on you.

“Put that away,” You scoffed, smacking the gun away before offering your hand to help Joel up off the ground.

“Did you…need to do that?” Joel huffed as he shakily got back onto one of his feet, beckoning over his horse to retrieve his prosthetic.

“Yes. Yes, I did,” You said firmly. “Otherwise you never would’ve gotten off that damned horse.”

Joel just rolled his eyes. “Whatever…” He murmured.

Sighing, you helped Joel reattach his prosthetic before grabbing Mai’s reins and leading her to a tree outside the outskirts of the small, wooden hut that was nestled in a small clearing of trees.

“C’mon,” You grabbed Joel’s hand after he finished tethering Darius’ reins to a branch and started to drag him towards the hut… Before stopping.

“Actually, ya know what? Imma go clear the area, you stay with the horses,” You said, quickly slinking off before Joel could protest.

Honestly, you didn’t trust the other man’s judgment right now. Joel looked like he was about to collapse and you didn’t want to risk it if there were infected inside the house.

Hopping over the wooden fence, you dropped into a crouch as your eyes scanned over the backyard of the house. There was a little porch that leads inside the house with an open shed to the left that revealed an axe stuck in a slab of wood.

Creeping towards the shed, you quickly poked your head inside to check for anybody and strained your ears to pick up on any noise. Once you were sure there was no one inside. You quietly made your way over and tugged the axe out – keeping it for a weapon to use later.

You pushed your way through a door inside the shed and was met with some supplies. Quickly gathering any ammo, tape, rags etc, you ducked back outside.

It was quiet. Unnervingly so.

Something just felt off…

Sighing, you crept over to the porch and cracked open the door – cringing when it made an ungodly screech as it creaked open. Tensing you awaited any reaction from within the house.

Silence.

Shaking off your nerves, you quietly ventured further inside the house. Upon entering, the room was completely open. A kitchen was tucked in the right corner with a pantry and a door just next to you – you assumed that was the front door. There was a lounge room to the left with a TV that lay shattered on the ground.

There were photos that littered the walls, their colour drained from the dark, blue light that filtered in from the windows that were framed by billowing curtains. It was as if someone had paused time and the place was left with dust in its wake.

You just… Couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

And last time that happened-

You shook your head. You need to concentrate!

Making your way to the kitchen, you swiftly raided all of its drawers before slinking off towards the lounge room and finding a narrow hallway tucked just behind it. Making your way down, you popped into each room.

Kid’s room. Master bedroom. Linen closet. Bathro—

“FUCK!” You screeched as a runner pushed its way past the bathroom door and lunged at you.

Scrambling backwards, you quickly got to your feet. Not having enough time nor room to go for your gun you quickly grabbed the axe from earlier before swinging it upwards and hitting the runner right in the chin.

It’s head reeled back as they stumbled backwards. You didn’t give them time to recover. Hitting them over and over and **over** again.

You couldn’t concentrate and you could hear screams. So many screams.

They rang through your ears and you felt your chest violently heave for air as memories from a different time flashed before your eyes.

It was like you were back there…

Hands grabbed at you and you felt the screaming increase as you frantically pulled away, the axe slipping out of your hands in your panic.

“-hoa… Whoa, it’s alright. It’s just me,” Joel’s voice made its way through the screaming. Your throat felt raw.

“You’re safe,” He mumbled.

_“We’re safe here…”_

“Liar,” You rasped, feeling the tears well up behind your eyes.

_Liar._


	27. A Question Without Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late!!! I have been all over the fucking place lately and honestly my brain just died when writing this lololol. This chapter is a little uh rUSheD, but yeeee  
> TRIGGER WARNING:  
> There are depictions of violence, panic attacks, and implications of dissociation

_Something felt off._

_You weren’t particularly sure what exactly was wrong, but you could feel it in your bones. In the way the wind howled in warning, and how all the surrounding animals fled the premises._

_Fiddling with a loose string on a blanket, you thought over everything that happened today._

_You had gone out hunting with Milo, tended to crops with Cherry and Peter, and then helped Harley fix the generator in the basement. Nothing was amiss. There was nothing that you had forgotten to do. But something was just… wrong._

_“You okay?” You lifted your eyes to see Milo leaning in the doorway._

_“Yeah,” You sighed. Part of you wanted to snap due to the fact that everyone was treating you like glass - like you were fragile. But another part of you was grateful for the wide berth others gave you._

_“You don’t look like you’re okay,” Milo pointed out, raising a brow._

_“Something just feels…off,” You admitted. Milo hummed before padding over to you and flopping down onto the couch with you._

_“Anything specific?” He questioned._

_You shook your head. “Not really… I guess I just feel unsafe but I can’t figure out why,” You frowned down at your hands as Milo processed your words._

_“(Y/n)…” Milo called out gently, drawing your eyes to meet his; “We’re safe here; we’re safe together.”_

_“Yeah, okay,” You breathed, letting your shoulders relax._

_“C’mon, dinner’s ready!”_

_Despite Milo’s reassurance, everything still felt wrong. The way that the bathwater was colder than usual was wrong. The way that the lights flickered was wrong. The way everyone talked was wrong._

_You could feel the others starting to become tense due to your own anxious behavior, but you just couldn’t stop._

_It was as you curled up next to Cherry for the night, that you thought maybe it was just you. That nothing was amiss._

_You were wrong._

_You weren’t sure when it was, but you awoke to Milo’s screaming face. Blinking hazily, you quickly registered what was going on._

_Screams echoed throughout the walls of the library, the pack being startled awake and scrambling to grab their belongings. You turned around to get to Cherry, but the sight that met you was one that you’d never forget._

_Standing atop of one of your most adored friends was a Clicker. The infected’s hands, chest, and mouth were covered in ruby red that dripped languidly from their fingers. Cherry’s eyes were blank as they looked right at you, her mouth ajar as if she were going to scream._

_And perhaps she did. Perhaps you had missed the screams of your best friend, of your family. Perhaps you had missed your chance to save another person…_

_“GET MOVING!” Milo screeched, violently pulling you away as a runner you hadn’t even noticed lunged towards you._

_Stumbling, you quickly grabbed your pack and fled. Your vision blurred as hot tears streaked across your cheeks and tumbled to the floor._

_“Isaac, is that everyone!?”_

_“Yeah, Cherry was the only one—”_

_Everything was blurry. Nothing made sense. You could hear the screams getting louder and louder as the five of you tried to scale up the wall and squeeze through the small window above._

_Tumbling out of the window and into the harsh soil below, throwing your arms around your head to cushion the blow. At the moment you were just running on adrenaline. Nothing registered, everything seemed so blurry yet so vividly clear._

_Those memories would forever haunt you…_

* * *

You blinked awake, your eyes aching as they were sealed shut with dried tears.

Shuffling around the make-shift bedding, you realised that Joel was asleep next to you, propped up against the wall – the man must’ve fallen asleep on accident.

It had almost been a week since that panic attack in the woods…

Joel never asked and so you never told. But now you’ve relapsed into night terrors and haunted memories you’d rather simply forget about.

Sighing, you pulled the blankets away from you and clumsily got to your feet. The other day you had caught a rabbit and you decided to cook it for breakfast.

Grabbing the dead rabbit that was strapped to the side of your pack, you made quick work of skinning and gutting the animal and shedding all of its meat. Once you had started a small fire and had arranged some sticks to work for a spit, you sat next to your mini bonfire, entranced by the flickering fire.

The smell must’ve wakened Joel up because the man groggily started to stretch his arms as he tried to work out the crick in his neck.

It was a silent morning, and somehow that just made everything worse.

Ever since that wonderful panic attack a week ago, everything had felt off; causing you to become flighty and either in a constant state of alert or completely dazed out of your mind. Thankfully Joel took this in stride, not saying anything about it nor asking any questions, just adapting on the best way to grab your attention without spooking you and learning how to deal with your weird and drastic mood swings.

“We’re about three days away now,” You said, trying to strike up some sort of small talk to fill the deafening silence.

Joel hummed. “But… still gotta found El,” The alpha reminded.

The man had suddenly lost the ability to say ‘Ellie’ and now referred to the red-head as ‘El’. You suspected that the constant bleeding of the other’s head was the cause of that, but you didn’t push the other because you knew Joel would just make a big deal about taking time to rest and recover.

“That’s true,” You admitted, swallowing your mouthful of meat. “But I’m sure once we find the WLF we’ll find the girls.”

“Maybe…” Joel mumbled.

The rest of the day went like that. Silence, which was occasionally filled with idle chatter.

You couldn’t help but let your mind drift as the gentle lull of your horse’s gait distracted you.

* * *

_You hit the cold ground hard, only just managing to roll over and away from an incoming Isaac. The screams were deafening and seemed to come from every direction possible._

_Your mind raced for a reason as to why your pack hadn’t noticed a nearby hoard or how you all got their attention._

_Shaking your head, you willed away the distracting thoughts. You all needed to get to safety and being on the ground in the middle of an infected infested town was far from safe._

_Helping Isaac off the ground, you quickly pulled the dark-skinned man across the plain and towards the towering greenery that glowered evilly in the moon’s light._

_“Do you know where we can go?” You yelled to the other, trying to be heard over the commotion._

_“No! But Milo should!” Isaac shouted back, looking over his shoulder where Milo was helping the others out of the window._

_The two of you helped ward off any infected that tried to climb over the barbed fence that separated the library grounds and the forest behind you, yelling at the others to get a move on._

_“This way!” Milo shouted, motioning for everyone to follow. “There’s a bell tower that we should be able to hole up in a few kilometers out! But we’re all gonna hafta run!”_

_The four of you nodded, bracing your feet on the ground before taking off at full speed._

_Your breath was coming out in harsh pants as you fought to keep your eyes on Milo as he ran, dragging Isaac behind him. There were infected popping out from behind trees and trying to lunge at you at every fucking turn._

_Your heart was beating in your ears and tears threatened to blur your vision as your legs ached, your feet slapping harshly against the uneven ground._

_The trees were a blur of muted green as they whizzed past you, the world seemingly speeding up as the five of you all rushed clumsily through the forest._

_It was as you felt that your legs were going to collapse from exertion and your bullets were starting to run alarmingly low that you thought that you were going to die. If it weren’t for the sudden shout of victory from Milo up ahead, you might’ve just stopped and let yourself be taken._

_Dragging your eyes upwards, there was a giant watchtower that loomed over a run-down church. Luckily, the church walls were made of stones that stuck out just enough to hold purchase; with arched windows that were shattered, creating the perfect foothold for the five of you to push off and scrabble up to the roof._

_Panting, you scurried over to the watchtower and punched through one of the windows at the back. You quickly herded everyone inside before you all fled upstairs._

_There was a giant bell dangling from a coarse piece of rope which Peter quickly cut down with his matchet. The stone groaned as the heavy chunk of metal loudly crashed into the ground – you were surprised the building didn’t collapse._

_The screaming was growing once again and you all quickly helped to push the bell down the flight of stairs to seal it off, the metal scraping harshly against the ground and grating on your ears._

_You felt the breath leave your chest in a rush once the stairway was sealed, screaming and scratching ringing through your ears. You couldn’t help it when your knees buckled and you fell to the ground gasp for breath. Though it seemed you weren’t the only one completely exhausted._

_Looking up, Isaac was leaning heavily against the wall, a puddle of his stomach contents at the man’s feet. Milo was at his boyfriend’s side, panting heavily as he tried to offer what little comfort he could. Peter was collapsed on the ground, staring blankly at the ceiling whilst his chest heaved violently, and Harley just looked stunned with her back up against the wall and her legs spread out across the ground, her hands shaking violently._

_The air felt thin up here, even though you were only about a story or two off the ground. You were gasping desperately for breath and, now that the adrenaline had piper down a bit, Cherry’s mauled body was being played through your mind like a broken record player. The clicker’s teeth sinking into plush flesh and staining her tanned skin red as the meat was ripped violently from her bones._

_Shivers wracked your body and you fought down the bile that threatened to spill from your lips. Tears streamed down your face like an endless river and you could feel you panting start to turn into desperate, choked-off sobs as your throat tightened as you cried._

_You never even had the chance to help her…_

_Everything felt numb and you could vaguely feel yourself start to pull away from reality, from the people around yourself. Composure slowly riddled your body like a disease and you finally managed to **breathe**. You could still feel the hot tears burning into your skin and your fingers trembling like leaves, but everything felt… Distant. _

_The last thing that registered in your dazed state was a single question. A question that you had been asking yourself for years; a question that never seemed to have an answer…_

_“What now?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OkAY!  
> So, since I am currently a busy bee, I may not be posting as often or on time as usual. I will try to continue to post once a week but I am so swamped with work it's killing me T-T


	28. What Now

_It had been almost a month since the five of you had locked yourselves up in that bell tower._

_It took a week for the hoard to pass through – leaving you all with grumbling stomachs and dry mouths. Food and water wasn’t something you had thought of when you ran up there._

_It was funny how all of you had learned to stay quiet even through the most daunting of night terrors. To you, it had become such an ingrained habit that even when you woke up with your throat raw, your screams were completely silent throughout the night. If it weren’t for your sore windpipe, you might’ve never have known you’d made a peep._

_The five of you had managed to sneak back into the hideout, but there were still infected nestled inside its walls. There was also a half-eaten horse that lay out the front with footsteps smearing itself across a nearby wall as the person must’ve scrambled up onto the roof._

_At first glance, there was nothing suspicious. But upon further inspection, the horse was at least a week old, the scuff marks on the wall were coated in rain – indicating that they had climbed over the wall the same night that the infected had swarmed you since it had rained not too long before then. The barbed fence was also cut open…_

_You didn’t want to think about who could’ve done this, so you simply ignored the green ribbon you always saw Vanessa wearing that was caught up in a tree branch._

_The five of you weren’t sure what to do or where to go. Isaac was going to deliver soon and you all knew he wouldn’t be able to keep quiet when going through that sort of agony. It would also mean that soon you’d have another life to care for – a beautiful life, but a helpless one._

_The earth was drying out for the cold winter as spring started to settle in. The sun’s rays bathing the land in a harsh glow, beating down on your exposed skin as you all walked aimlessly across the face of the planet._

_Currently, the five of you were starting to set up camp again. You all wanted to get to one of the nearby hospitals to ensure that Isaac could deliver safely, and so far, the closest one was St. Mary’s Hospital._

_“(Y/n), I need some help over here!” Isaac called as he struggled to bend down and grab some of the firewood._

_“Sorry,” You apologised as you quickly came over to help the other._

_“Thanks,” Isaac smiled. Nodding, the two of you walked back over to the small hut that you were staying at for tonight._

_“What took you two so long!?” Harley exclaimed exasperatedly as she snatched the bark out of your hands and dumped it into the growing fire._

_“(Y/n) was in her head again,” Isaac teased._

_“Says the man who can’t even bend down,” You huffed, rolling your eyes. Isaac chuckled._

_“I was honestly expecting more mood swings,” Harley admitted cheekily as she settled down next to the fire._

_“Don’t worry about that,” Milo laughed, stepping into the room with his hands wrapped around the ears of two dead rabbits. “There are plenty of mood swings, you just don’t get the pleasure of seeing them.”_

_“Asshole,” Isaac muttered, but try as he might, the man couldn’t keep the fond tone out of his voice._

_“Hey, Mum,” Milo teased as he sauntered up and pecked Isaac on the cheek. Harley made some gagging noises._

_“Hello Daddy,” Isaac smiled slyly as Harley’s gagging noises increased into a coughing fit._

_“Ew! Fuck, I don’t ever want to hear you say that again,” You whined, scrunching your face up in disgust._

_“Too bad – the kid’ll be saying it soon enough,” Isaac said._

_“Yeah, but that is **completely different** ,” You said indignantly. Isaac opened his mouth to reply – probably shoot back some sort of retort – when Harley switched the topic. _

_“Where’s Peter?” She asked, brows furrowing._

_“Um… He went off, told me to go ahead without him,” Milo said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck._

_“You know he shouldn’t be out there alone,” Your voice had a reprimanding tone as you narrowed your eyes at the pack Alpha._

_“He’s literally just outside, he’s fine,” Milo huffed, fidgeting with the rabbits in his hands._

_“You are horrible at lying,” Isaac snorted._

_“Okay, okay. **Fine**.” Milo conceded, holding his hands up. “We stumbled across some Fireflies and they may or may not have asked if we wanted to join.” _

_“So, did they want us to join or not?” Harley teased, laughing at the irritated look Milo sent her._

_“Yes, they did.”_

_You pondered on this for a while…_

_The Fireflies were a rebellious group that sought to right the government and override the militaria oppression that many of the QZs faced._

_You agreed with quite a lot of their morals, but you weren’t a big fan of how their group operated – or any other groups like them for that matter._

_The problem with groups such as the Fireflies, meant that there was information control – leading to purposeful misinformation to certain recruits, or for lower-ranking soldiers to be prevented from seeing the big picture. It was something that you didn’t like, especially in this dystopian world. Being out of the loop cost lives and meant that you didn’t have a say – it was like being blindfolded and being told to walk in the direction you **want** to. There is an obvious dilemma there. _

_But, it would also do your little group some good to get your hands on supplies and have a safe place for Isaac to give birth in._

_You let out a frustrated huff, crossing your arms as you left yourself lean back against the wall._

_To be honest, your first reaction is to say no. Because there was so much that could go wrong and there were lots of messy problems that you could all run into if you wished to leave. But you all were struggling. Shelter was getting harder to clear – infected kept going after Isaac who couldn’t keep his scent in check due to the raised pheromones during pregnancy. There were only five of you and it meant that someone was always going to be on their own when you split up to gather food. Spring was starting to bloom, but it seemed that it was getting harder to find any nearby animals without having to fire a gun and alerting anyone in the vicinity. But most importantly, Isaac’s child was due soon…_

_You shook yourself out of your thoughts and tuned back into the conversation… except there was no conversation. Everyone was looking at you._

_“What?” You asked a little harshly, unsure what they were expecting._

_“What’s the verdict?” Milo asked, a fond smile on his lips – you had a tendency to get into your head._

_Blinking owlishly at the other, you looked around the room and it seemed that everyone was in agreement._

_“I guess we can join,” You sighed, but you couldn’t help but smile at the cheer Harley let out._

_“Guess we’re becoming Fireflies today,” Isaac joked, nudging you._

_“Who would’ve thought,” You drawled. “I certainly never thought that you’d have a sense of duty, Mr. I’m-too-lazy-to-get-off-the-couch.”_

_“I’m pregnant, I can get away with that shit,” Isaac sassed. You barked out a laugh at the response before getting to your feet as Milo gestured for you all to follow him outside to wherever Peter must be._

* * *

“Looks…We’re fi-nally here,” Joel said cheerily as you two strode up to the intimidating gate that loomed over the entrance of the Seattle Quarantine Zone.

“Guess so,” You hummed as you dismounted Mai and walked up to the big gate.

Your eyes trailed over the surrounding area and saw a landing across the top where you figured that you could jump across. Turning back to Joel who had dismounted and was now re-strapping his prosthetic, you figured that since the man had trouble crouching, he probably wouldn’t be able to jump very far…

Sighing, you turned back to look at the bridge. At the top, there was a metal platform that looked to serve as some sort of lookout. The platform itself was a little crooked, tilting to one side as if someone had jumped on to it.

You weren’t too sure it would take the added force of your weight when you crash-landed on it…

Sighing, you looked around for some sort of better solution, but your eyes couldn’t catch anything of value.

“Joel, I’m gonna go take a look over there!” You called out, jabbing your thumb in the direction of a run down FEDRA checkpoint as you walked over.

“M’kay,” Joel hummed as he tethered the horses to a nearby tree before ambling after you.

This was obviously some sort of station for stragglers. There were steel holding cells at the back with a small, drab office-looking shack plopped in the middle. Big, square barrels of hay and soil were stacked up oddly against the small building, creating the perfect ledge to help lift yourself up and over onto the roof of the office. Joel grunted as he awkwardly hefted himself over the ledge, refusing your outstretched hand because he’s a stubborn asshole.

Rolling your eyes at the petulant display, you decided to silently sass him back as you elegantly hopped across the building onto the top of one of the cells.

“Jump… Do-I can’t?” Joel said gruffly as he stared hesitantly at the gap separating you two.

“It’s fine, I’ll catch you,” You cheered with all the fake-pep you could muster. Joel just scowled at you.

“Sod off,” He growled.

“That’s oddly British of you,” You teased (Peter was from Britain and that insult was one of his favourites since he used it so much). Joel just let out a weary sigh before backing up, making sure to count his steps so he could launch off with his good leg, before doing the most awkward hobble-sprint you had ever seen. You had to hold in your laughter so you could help catch the alpha to make sure his prosthetic didn’t just slip through one of the gaps in the iron bars.

“Did it,” He cheered grumpily as he brushed you off. Smiling you danced ahead, purposefully keeping your movements light and graceful just to spite the alpha.

It was as you helped him up onto a ledge that led around the outside of the wall, that an ear-piercing shriek sounded.

Clamping your hands over your ears, you let your eyes dart around before realising that the gate was _opening._

“Shit,” You whispered as you quickly hauled yourself up to join Joel on the concealed ledge.

“You got any pistol suppressors?” Joel asked quietly once you’d crawled next to him.

“Not on me, but I should have the materials to make some,” You whispered back. Joel nodded in acknowledgment.

There was a group of people that came barrelling through the gate in a ute. They immediately jumped out of the car and started to scan the area.

Although it was hard to hear them from where you two currently were, it wasn’t impossible to make out the words that were spoken.

“I doubt they're still here,” One of them huffs – a woman, it appeared, with dark skin and frizzy hair splayed out across her back.

“You know the drill, Danni. It was obvious someone had opened the gate, we’re just here to make sur—”

“Oi, there’s horses over here!” A masculine voice rang through the air and you heard Joel curse silently as the group moved over.

There were seven people altogether, and they crowded around your two horses.

“They must still be here somewhere!” Danni shouted. “Find them!”

“And you said they weren’t,” A man teased.

They all spread out and started to scout the area, their eyes determined and sharp – guns raised.

“How good’s your aim?” Joel asked quietly as he counted his bullets.

“Horrible,” you deadpanned. “But I’m a decent shot with a gun.”

Joel just rolled his eyes. “Then let’s get moving. Try and not make any sounds.”

“Aye, aye Captain.”


End file.
